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Sexual Abuse...

I've been sexually, physically, and emotionally abused at various points throughout the course of my life, multiple times.

I won't post any stories. But it's really admirable and brave of those who have.
 
Awww, thanks guys, No I am fine.. I knew going through and writing my story for the show would bring emotions to the front.. and that is fine.. I am human... I still feel a deep pulling in my heart to share this with others.. to help them to see if I can overcome and not let is turn me into a monster.. so can they..That is why I came to you Ray about this topic, I knew God was pulling on my heart to do this, not for myself but for others in the community who have gone through the same thing.

Yes, we did not choose the abuse but we can choose our reaction and lifestyles as adults.
WE are not just survivors by chance, God had his hand on our lives and walked through the ordeals with us. We are still alive for a purpose and I know some of my purpose is to help others see they have meaning and purpose in there lives as well..
 
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Euphoricy, just coming out and saying it is often a strong first step. There are several people here you could always talk to if you wished, and I'm sure there are many avenues in your life you could take to deal with it. Everyone deals differently, and not everyone needs to tell thier stories or feel pressured to post about it. It's extremely personal and must be dealt with on one's own terms.

:cuddle: for just saying what you did. 🙂
 
I really don't believe I'm responding to this thread........I really don't.

I've been lurking this thread since its inception and I have been in turmoil since. I'm normally a very private person and keep my intimacies very close. I don't know why I'm doing this but here it goes......

I've been a victim of sexual, emotional, and physical abuse. My stepfather did things that made me very uncomfortable as a young teen. I was also molested by older men-no intercourse, but might as well have been. One of the disadvantages of being a bigger gal-older men were on me like no one's business!

When I tried to tell my mother, she blamed me; it took me years to forgive her for that! Me and my sisters were eventually run out of the house so my stepfather pretty much took over.

Horribly ironic, when my mother died, me and my youngest sister took over taking care of him. I eventually forgave him because my children loved him, but I was extremely wary of letting my daughter around him. But he knew of my relationship with her; he never messed with her. Trust me, she's a town crier-if she would've told me anything, I would be posting to you guys from jail because I would've killed him with my bare hands!!!!!!!

I still have problems with relationships; I've been married once to a total autocrat who tried to emotionally beat me into submission. When that didn't work, he went physical. When he beat up on me, it was the voice of God that kept me from killing him; that's why I tell people that there is a God-if not, I'd be in jail for his homicide!

I still struggle in my daily life; I struggle with depression and anxiety. I try my best to be my best, but after awhile, the same old patterns emerge; the anger, the anxiety, the behaviors, all the crap that I fight against ends up being my detriment. My large body size and loud voice only makes it worse to those who don't know me. I'm harmless and wouldn't hurt a fly; but when I'm angry I'll make you think I'm the craziest "b" on the planet! That's why I hate anger because I can't control it! Unfortunately, some of you have experienced kis getting pissed-it's not a pretty thing!

I went back to school later in life; I was 41 when I got my bachelors, and am now 45 finishing my last masters course. I feel like a complete failure sometimes because I was a smart kid in school-why thirty years later? My peers are looking at retirement-I'm unemployed begging for the next job one course away from MBA. It's pathetic and I hate it and I'm pissed with myself!!

Once again, I don't really know why I'm replying to this thread-I'd rather stay at home alone with my cat and not bother or be bothered.

This is not some sick attempt at sympathy; I only can assume that there's someone else wallowing in my hell that needs to know it's safe to get out! I'll stand naked in the downtown square if it means that someone in my situation is willing to get free.

That is all
 
Kiss123 :cuddle:

We are here for you..I know talking about what happen is not an easy thing to do.. you are stronger than you know... if you want to talk in here that is fine or privately, my door is always open to you or anyone who wants to talk..

hugsssssssssss
 
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Euphoricy, you dont need to say anything your not comfortable with sweety.. I am proud of you saying what you did.. if you ever want to talk drop me a line.. hugsssssss
 
kis123 said:
I went back to school later in life; I was 41 when I got my bachelors, and am now 45 finishing my last masters course. I feel like a complete failure sometimes because I was a smart kid in school-why thirty years later? My peers are looking at retirement-I'm unemployed begging for the next job one course away from MBA. It's pathetic and I hate it and I'm pissed with myself!!

Once again, I don't really know why I'm replying to this thread-I'd rather stay at home alone with my cat and not bother or be bothered.

This is not some sick attempt at sympathy; I only can assume that there's someone else wallowing in my hell that needs to know it's safe to get out! I'll stand naked in the downtown square if it means that someone in my situation is willing to get free.

That is all
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I completely feel you on the topic of letting your life slip by while you deal with the often unrecognized effects of these things. It makes us put things off and not focus on the strengths we have. I also did pretty well in school, could have done just about anything with my mind and intelligence, and let it all go as the demons took over one by one, day by day, year by year.

Your last line got to me. I think this is the biggest obstacle so many people in this situation face. "You're looking for attention"..."just get over it"..."everyone's got problems, so what?" The worst part is when we do it to ourselves. "I'm strong, I don't need to deal with this"..."it's made me harder. I'm better for it." Never works for very long.

I commend your strength in coming forward and saying what you did. It's often the first step in dealing.

The most important thing to remember is to not feel like a failure. Wait, let me rephrase that...we often can't help what we feel with all these very deeply-seated emotional scars...but you need to intellectually know you're not a failure, even when you feel that way. Believe me, I know the feeling. For a very long time.

You've got people to talk to here if you need it.
 
This is something I wrote years ago about my abuse.

A PIECE OF GLASS

My family was only a window plain, with a looking glass to look out into the real world. When it was shattered by the lies, hurt , anger, no one could restore it.

I was only a single piece of the broken truth. Instead of facing the truth of the broken glass, I was put up on a mantel for everyone to see how beautiful I was glistening in the sun..No one on the outside looking in could see the broken glass but, a beautiful piece of sculpture colorful glass put up on display to admire.

There I sat collecting dust, for they wouldn't admit I was broken but a piece of scuplture to admire, untill the potter came by the replaced windowin the window plain and saw my beuaty, my pain and the dust and cobwebs.

His hands were so gentle and soft as he piked me up off the mantel and ever so gently began to wipe off the dust and cobweds. With every wipe of his loving touch, I became beautiful again.

He tells me stories oh how one day, he will put me into a new window made of other pieces of broken glass to form a beautiful design of love and joy in his home abouve the mountains for everyone to admire.

But untill then, I can only hope that the truth will come out of how the window was shatterd, so the kind potter will be able to use other broken pieces of glass to make the new window of many designs for every one to see
 
Another thing I wrote while going through my healing process years ago.

True Love

What is true love? Love is the father who leaves the light light on in the hallway to keep the fears away, instead of shattering shattering the light and coming in to scare you himself..

Love is the mother who cares so much for you that she gets you out of the dark room to the comfort of her arms in the sunlight, instead of denying the room is dark..

Love is the kind stranger who has been watching all along and stepped in when you started to hate yourself..

Love is when Jesus gave his life for you and will always be near with his arms open wide for you to run to when you are scared.

With his still small voice he can change your life if you only will ask.

That is what TRUE LOVE is....
 
kis123 said:
I really don't believe I'm responding to this thread........I really don't.
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I think that each of us who has come forward in any way, can't believe that we're doing it either. Thank-you for caring enough to do so! :cuddle:

kis123 said:
This is not some sick attempt at sympathy; I only can assume that there's someone else wallowing in my hell that needs to know it's safe to get out! I'll stand naked in the downtown square if it means that someone in my situation is willing to get free.
Click to expand...

I can echo that as well. Bringing good out of such evil proves us to be strong and worthwhile...the total opposit of the lies we were fed to keep us victims. If standing emotionally naked for all to see brings even the beginnings of healing to even one person, it's worth it!

Dave2112 said:
Your last line got to me. I think this is the biggest obstacle so many people in this situation face. "You're looking for attention"..."just get over it"..."everyone's got problems, so what?" The worst part is when we do it to ourselves. "I'm strong, I don't need to deal with this"..."it's made me harder. I'm better for it." Never works for very long.
Click to expand...

Add to that the constant banter of "If I believe in God enough, he will heal me. I don't need to seek any help." I was convinced of that for years. I'd always been told how worthless I was. When God didn't heal me (the way I expected him to), I figured they were right. It wasn't until I realized that he often chooses to heal us through others that I reached out for help. Whether we believe in God or not, the truth remains. The potential for healing is there. But, it's not going to just happen. We have to do the work. It sucks since we aren't the ones responsible. But, it's still true.

One of the things I found helpful during the more difficult times was to use the anger I finally allowed myself to feel towards my abusers. No, I don't mean to use it to bring them down...though there were times I truly wanted to do so as slowly and painfully as possible. I took the tremendous energy created by that anger and turned it into a positive instead. I used that energy to help push myself to keep going. Why? Because I wasn't about to let them have the victory! I'll actually be sharing a story tomorrow about how that began. I hope it will make for a bit of good comic relief.
 
I wanted to add to what Ann said about anger... Yes, you do have to face that side of you and often- several times. BY facing and acknowledging the fear and anger within yourself and you give yourself the power to give control over to yourself. In saying that, I mean you no longer live under the controll of what your abused drilled into you head. You step out from under that and claime what you want for your own life.

The thing that helped me in facing my abuse was something my Pastors wife at the time opened my eyes to... FEAR.. (False Evidence Appearing Real.) I was not that same child.. I am an adult now, I am no longer under the same rules, thinking or fears as I was as a child. What was keeping me back from my own healing was my self and fears.. The biggest fear of all was letting go, what would I do, who would I be if I did let it go for it was all I knew.. after holding onto the rage and all that goes with it for all my life,, that was a huge step and was not taken lightly nor did it happen overnight. What a relief and weight that was lifted off me when I finally was able to let the rage go.

I still have some issues and probably always will yet I am not ruled by my past any longer and I just wanted to share this with anyone reading that may be going through the same thoughts. It does help to talk to others, a proff counselor, your pastor, writting in a journal or what ever way works for you. The more you get it out of you the less it has a hold on you.
Remember your not alone, you have support.

HUGSSSS/Lisa
 
i just keep stuff to my self never really went out of my way to tell anyone not like they would care or anything. just not a subject i talk about but that is me most of the stuff I keep to my self. don't know if it is bad but most of my life i have been a loner only had a few real friend or should i say true friends and all of them are dead.
what a long strange trip it's been.
 
A lot of us keep things inside and let them eat away at us....sometimes it helps just to know that others out there know exactly what you are going through and are willing to just listen and be there when we need someone to lean on...

That is the purpose of this thread and the next 2 radio shows that Tracy and i are hosting on this topic...

To show that others are here that care....


I want to thank our guests in advance for coming forward to tell their stories and share their experience and i also want to thank all who have taken the time to post in this thread..

You all are wonderful for taking the time to share a difficult part or your lives with the rest of us here ...

Bless you all....

Ray & Tracy
 
venray said:
Bless you all....
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He does! Though it may not always seem so. That's why we're able to be here and share it.

Kyle, we all deal in our own way. Even if you say nothing, I pray that you'll find comfort here in knowing you aren't alone. We all struggle with our own demons in life.
 
TklDuo-Ann said:
He does! Though it may not always seem so. That's why we're able to be here and share it.

Kyle, we all deal in our own way. Even if you say nothing, I pray that you'll find comfort here in knowing you aren't alone. We all struggle with our own demons in life.
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thanks all and ann venray just trying to be more open. nice to see many people come out and be open later kyle
 
Kyle, as Ann said we al do deal in our own way with things from our past. Thank you for having the courage to post in here, that is the first step. Please know you never have to say another word if are not comfortable with it publicly. You and I have a close relationship and you know I am always here if you ever need to talk privately..

Luvs ya Bro, HUGSSSSSS
 
DimpleToes said:
Kyle, as Ann said we al do deal in our own way with things from our past. Thank you for having the courage to post in here, that is the first step. Please know you never have to say another word if are not comfortable with it publicly. You and I have a close relationship and you know I am always here if you ever need to talk privately..

Luvs ya Bro, HUGSSSSSS
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thanks you people so much sis and all means a lot off to work to make a dollar to be able to give the goverment 2.50. later all
 
Ehhhhh,....I dunno....MAYBE I'll pop in and say a few words.

MAYBE! :omnomnom:




OK, so I'm in a goofy mood again. Sue me! :wavingguy
 
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