simpson quotes

[tickleterror]

Carl: Oh no! Homer's going over those falls!
Lenny: Oh good! He snagged that tree branch.
Carl: Oh no! The branch broke off!
Lenny: Oh good! He can grab onto them pointy rocks!
Carl: Oh no! Them pointy rocks broke his arms and legs.
Lenny: Oh good! Those helpful beavers are swimming out to save him!
Carl: Oh no! They're biting him, and stealing his pants!

 

[luvgirlsfeet]

Homer: Dad you've gotta quit while your ahead

Abe Simpson: Sorry boy I have to get enough money to help everybody

Homer: but you could lose everything, Come on!!!

Abe: put it all on 41, I've got a feeling about that number

Casino Attendant: The wheel only goes to 36 Sir

Abe: Ok put it all on 36 I've got a feeling about that number

 

[tickleterror]

Grandpa: My Homer is not a communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a communist, but he is not a porn star.

 

[luvgirlsfeet]

Grandpa: Out of my way I've got a date with an angel

Jasper: You dont know how right you are Abe:

Grandpa: huh?

Jasper: I dont know how to tell you this but, Bea passed away last night, the Dr says it was her ticker her left vertical burst

Grandpa: They may say she died of a burst ventrical but i know she died of a broken heart

 

[tickleterror]

Homer: I want everyone to know that this is Ned Flanders... my friend!
Lenny: What did he say?
Carl: I dunno. Somethin' about being gay.

 

[luvgirlsfeet]

Homer: MMMMMMM Donuts

Lenny: hey homer slow down ya gonna choke or something

Homer: Dont tell me how to eat donuts ( ACK cough gag )

Lenny: Oh Homers choking again, where's that heimlic menuver chart

Carl: Somebody scare him

Plant Employee: Thats for the hiccups

Lenny: Hey look at this Softball starts this week

Homer: ( BARF ) Softball!?!?!

 

[tickleterror]

Homer: Aw, twenty dollars! I wanted a peanut!
Homer's Brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts!
Homer: Explain how!
Homer's Brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services!
Homer: Woo-hoo!

 

[luvgirlsfeet]

Homer: You're Darryl Strawberry

Darryl: Yes

Homer: you play left field

Darryl Yes

Homer: I play left field too

Darryl: So

Homer: Are you better than me?

Darryl: Well I've never met you before, but Yes

 

[tickleterror]

Homer: [drunk] Look, the thing about my family is there's five of us. Marge, Bart, Girl Bart, the one who doesn't talk, and the fat guy. How I loathe him.

 

[luvgirlsfeet]

Unkie Herb ( Homers Brother ) Homer I need your help

Homer: You do?

Herb: Yeah, I want you to help me design a car, A car for all the Homer Simpsons out there..And I want to pay you $200,000 a year

Homer: And I want to let you

 

[tickleterror]

Krusty: Don't blame me! It's the percadan. If you ask me, that stuff rots your brain ... And now a word from our new sponsor ... Percadan, oh crap!

 

[luvgirlsfeet]

Homer: Marge I have 5 words for you. Greesy Joe's Bottomless Barbeque Pit

Marge: Oh Homer i thought you were going to limit your pork intake to 6 servings a week.

Homer: Marge I'm only human, we can unload the kids on Patty & Selma this Saturday

Marge: I dont know if my sisters will be available this Saturday

Homer: I'll take that bet

 

[FeatheryOctopi]

"Give the fools their Tar-Tar sauce." Mr. Burns

Episode. Homer has hair.

 

[tickleterror]

Homer: From now on, there are three ways to do things: the right way, the wrong way, and the Max Power way.
Bart: Isn't that just the wrong way?
Homer: Yeah, but faster!

 

[luvgirlsfeet]

Carl: All in favor of Homer for Union President

Union Group: I

Homer: What does the job pay?

Carl: Nothing

Homer: D'oh!!!

Carl: Unless your crooked

Homer: Woo-Hoo!!

 

[tickleterror]

Homer: I thought you were dead
Mother Simpson: I thought you were dead
Gravedigger: Dang Blasted! Isn't anybody in this dad-gummed cemetery dead?
Hans Moleman: (popping out of coffin) I didn't want to make a fuss, but now that you mention it...

 

[luvgirlsfeet]

Lisa: Bart i'll get the door you go to bed

Krusty: HEY HEY are you guys ready to get roudy

Lisa: Excuse Me

Krusty: Somebody hired me for a bachelor party

Lisa: Well there's been a mistake

Krusty: Well i'm not leaving until i get paid, I get $500 just for Hey Hey

 

[tickleterror]

Chief Wiggum: This is Papa Bear. Put out an APB for a male suspect, driving a... car of some sort, heading in the direction of, uh, you know, that place that sells chili. Suspect is hatless. Repeat, hatless.

 

[luvgirlsfeet]

Officer Lou: That explosion sounded like it came from the Simpson place:

Wiggum: Forget it thats two blocks away:

Lou: Looks like beer coming out of the chimney

Wiggum: I'am proceeding on foot put out a code 8

Lou: We need pretzles I repeat pretzles

 

[tickleterror]

Wiggum: Put out an APB on a Uosdwis R. Dewoh. Uh, better start with Greektown.
Friday: That's "Homer J. Simpson", Chief. You're reading it upside down.
Wiggum: Uh, cancel that APB. But, uh, bring back some of them, uh, gyros.
Friday: Uh, Chief? You're talking into your wallet.

 

[luvgirlsfeet]

Homer: Hey Moe what are you doing?

Moe: Looking at the wall

Homer: Can i look too?

Moe: Sure, but there is a 2 drink minimum

Homer: My wallets in the car

Moe: He's so stupid, now back to the wall

 

[Tklish121]

Marge: The plant called today and said that if you don't come in tomorrow, don't bother coming in on Monday!

Homer: Whoo Hoooo FOUR DAY WEEKEND!!

 

[tickleterror]

Moe: I'm better than dirt. Well, most kinds of dirt, not that fancy store-bought dirt... I can't compete with that stuff.

 

[luvgirlsfeet]

Bart: I hate hearing mom and dad fight, how can a moterhome this cool destroy a marriage that crappy

 

[tickleterror]

Burns: The watchdog of public safety, is there any lower form of life?
Smithers: Don't worry sir, I rounded up our less gifted employees and led them into the basement.