Mitch, I am so so so sorry. I don't really know what to say except that I hope you can find strength and comfort in God and other loved ones. Also, sending big hugs your way. I hope things can get better, maybe someone can help her?
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Taking A Turn For The Worst..
- Thread starter Mitchell
- Start date
Thank you, Brandi. I appreciate your thoughts.
I find comfort in my real life friends, TMF friends, and God.
I think my mom is basically confused. Five minutes after she told me she wants to die, I asked her if she will refuse treatment if they find more cancer, and she said if they find cancer, she wants treatment. Unless this is God Forbid terminal last stage brain cancer, I know that her Dr will sit with me, and prevail upon her to have more chemo or radiation.
Once again, thanks.
Mitch
I find comfort in my real life friends, TMF friends, and God.
I think my mom is basically confused. Five minutes after she told me she wants to die, I asked her if she will refuse treatment if they find more cancer, and she said if they find cancer, she wants treatment. Unless this is God Forbid terminal last stage brain cancer, I know that her Dr will sit with me, and prevail upon her to have more chemo or radiation.
Once again, thanks.
Mitch
While I was at lunch with her today, I asked her questions. She seems weak, and fuzzy, but knows what's going on.
I said :"Mom, would you advise me to call Alan (My father), and go to Philadelphia for a meeting with him?" She said"No, that would be a bad idea." I then asked her. "Mom, do you want me to call your sisters, and tell them your problem/". She again said. "No, because they dont care".
She seems to have problems with multiple choice questions. I'll say "Mom, do you want chocolate or vanilla ice cream from the buffet". and she;ll say she doesnt know.
Sigh! So she's clear on much of the "big stuff" in our lives. She remembers plans for our business etc. She's fuzzy on things that arent as important, or multiple choice questions.
It's all baffling. Hopefully they can figure out what this is, and help her.
Mitch
I said :"Mom, would you advise me to call Alan (My father), and go to Philadelphia for a meeting with him?" She said"No, that would be a bad idea." I then asked her. "Mom, do you want me to call your sisters, and tell them your problem/". She again said. "No, because they dont care".
She seems to have problems with multiple choice questions. I'll say "Mom, do you want chocolate or vanilla ice cream from the buffet". and she;ll say she doesnt know.
Sigh! So she's clear on much of the "big stuff" in our lives. She remembers plans for our business etc. She's fuzzy on things that arent as important, or multiple choice questions.
It's all baffling. Hopefully they can figure out what this is, and help her.
Mitch
I emailed her Dr in NJ, and he told me if she continues to decline, I have to bring her up there.
She has trouble telling me what she wants. If she asks for something, and I dont understand, and give her the wrong thing, or say the wrong thing, she flies into a fit of rage.
At other times, she's her wonderful, loving, clear empathatic self. When I tell her how much her condition troubles and hurts me, she tells me she knows.
Sigh! Four and a half days is a long time. She told me she really doesnt want to go to NJ before the scan, but I told her she has to, if she continues to feel sick or rollercoasterish. Her Dr, a wonderful man, as I've said before, said he will "figure it out". I'd be lying if I didnt say I was terrified at her sudden change in personality.
Mitch
She has trouble telling me what she wants. If she asks for something, and I dont understand, and give her the wrong thing, or say the wrong thing, she flies into a fit of rage.
At other times, she's her wonderful, loving, clear empathatic self. When I tell her how much her condition troubles and hurts me, she tells me she knows.
Sigh! Four and a half days is a long time. She told me she really doesnt want to go to NJ before the scan, but I told her she has to, if she continues to feel sick or rollercoasterish. Her Dr, a wonderful man, as I've said before, said he will "figure it out". I'd be lying if I didnt say I was terrified at her sudden change in personality.
Mitch
It must be scary as shit, watching your mom change from day to day (or minute to minute) like this.
It must suck like a bucket of ticks to have an immediate family who seem to be of such inferior character. My jaw nearly broke when it hit the floor after reading your description of them and what they're doing (or not doing) with you and your mom.
(10 virtual hugs)
kop, thanks for the support.
The scary part is several things. Not only my mom's situation, but being 150 miles from the hospital we trust.
With my aunts. One aunt, we literally saved from the streets. When my parents were married, we had money, and my aunt couldnt pay her rent. It was Mitch and mom to the rescue.
I've already posted about how my father and I were estranged for so long, and then were talking to each other when my mom was diagnosed with the cancer in 2010. I called him crying on the day I found out. He said he was going to be there to support me, but then dropped out. Simply put, I want to kick the crap out of him, for fraudulently inducing me to see him after so long, and then dropping me when my mom had cancer. . If something God Forbid does happen to my mom, I'm going to go after him legally. He did a lot of damage to my life, and there has to be some way to get him.
Right now my only concern is my mom. She's asked me not to contact my father or her sisters, and I've honored her wishes. I just hope to God that this situation isnt the worst case scenario, and that they can find a way to help her, and make her feel better.
Mitch
The scary part is several things. Not only my mom's situation, but being 150 miles from the hospital we trust.
With my aunts. One aunt, we literally saved from the streets. When my parents were married, we had money, and my aunt couldnt pay her rent. It was Mitch and mom to the rescue.
I've already posted about how my father and I were estranged for so long, and then were talking to each other when my mom was diagnosed with the cancer in 2010. I called him crying on the day I found out. He said he was going to be there to support me, but then dropped out. Simply put, I want to kick the crap out of him, for fraudulently inducing me to see him after so long, and then dropping me when my mom had cancer. . If something God Forbid does happen to my mom, I'm going to go after him legally. He did a lot of damage to my life, and there has to be some way to get him.
Right now my only concern is my mom. She's asked me not to contact my father or her sisters, and I've honored her wishes. I just hope to God that this situation isnt the worst case scenario, and that they can find a way to help her, and make her feel better.
Mitch
paracarl44
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Are you going to get to New Jersey before the snow storm hits?
As an indication of what I'm dealing with here: I want to make clear to the mods that what I am about to post is NOT in any way an insult to the TMF, or its members. My mom is aware that the forum members know her situation, and have been supportive. She very much appreciates the kind wishes everyone has sent to us, as do I, of course.
This morning, I was sitting in the dining room with her. She was becoming very upset by my just sitting there with her. She said to me "Mitch, dont sit here, go to the zoo".
This had me extremely concerned. I have not been to the zoo since I was a kid. I thought she had totally lost it, and was about to call someone. She kept saying "Zoo" over and over, and when I said "Mom, what do you mean, I havent been to the zoo since I was a kid".
Finally, after many times of saying "Zoo", she finally got the word "Chatroom" out. She explained to me that she could not put together the words "TMF" or "Chatroom".. so.. she made me understand that from now on if she says "Play in the zoo", it means the chatroom or forum. She explained that she refers to it as this, because I've told her of how even members who are friends, go at each other, in the P and R, etc.
Sigh! Not worse, I dont think, but expressions, and words that dont mean the same thing as what she's saying. I'll be shocked if she didnt have at least a mild stroke. I just hope to God it isnt worse than that.
Mitch
This morning, I was sitting in the dining room with her. She was becoming very upset by my just sitting there with her. She said to me "Mitch, dont sit here, go to the zoo".
This had me extremely concerned. I have not been to the zoo since I was a kid. I thought she had totally lost it, and was about to call someone. She kept saying "Zoo" over and over, and when I said "Mom, what do you mean, I havent been to the zoo since I was a kid".
Finally, after many times of saying "Zoo", she finally got the word "Chatroom" out. She explained to me that she could not put together the words "TMF" or "Chatroom".. so.. she made me understand that from now on if she says "Play in the zoo", it means the chatroom or forum. She explained that she refers to it as this, because I've told her of how even members who are friends, go at each other, in the P and R, etc.
Sigh! Not worse, I dont think, but expressions, and words that dont mean the same thing as what she's saying. I'll be shocked if she didnt have at least a mild stroke. I just hope to God it isnt worse than that.
Mitch
paracarl44
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When will you see a neurologist to have her checked out?
Thanks for the concern, carl.
To answer your question: Her body scan in regard to the cancer is this Tuesday, and we're seeing her cancer Dr this Friday. Assuming God willing they dont find cancer again, and even if God Forbid they do, I'm going to ask him about trying to prevail upon her, to make an appointment with the same neurologist I saw, when I had my seizure in June. If they definitively find on the body scan that she had a minor stroke, I then have to ask the cancer Dr how to proceed with that. My maternal grandfather had a major stroke 25 years ago, and I dont remember what doctors he saw for that. Two differences with him. One, his stroke immediately paralyzed him, confining him to a wheelchair, which thank God so far isnt the case with my mom. Two, he didnt have cancer, and need scans, and (Hopefully not) possible treatment for cancer after the stroke.
Hopefully by the end of this week the situation will be clearer with both the cancer scan, and finding my mom the right doctor to find out whether she did have a stroke, and if so, what to do about it.
Mitch
To answer your question: Her body scan in regard to the cancer is this Tuesday, and we're seeing her cancer Dr this Friday. Assuming God willing they dont find cancer again, and even if God Forbid they do, I'm going to ask him about trying to prevail upon her, to make an appointment with the same neurologist I saw, when I had my seizure in June. If they definitively find on the body scan that she had a minor stroke, I then have to ask the cancer Dr how to proceed with that. My maternal grandfather had a major stroke 25 years ago, and I dont remember what doctors he saw for that. Two differences with him. One, his stroke immediately paralyzed him, confining him to a wheelchair, which thank God so far isnt the case with my mom. Two, he didnt have cancer, and need scans, and (Hopefully not) possible treatment for cancer after the stroke.
Hopefully by the end of this week the situation will be clearer with both the cancer scan, and finding my mom the right doctor to find out whether she did have a stroke, and if so, what to do about it.
Mitch
One other point I should make:
This isnt a "Dad Rant", more so just an explanation, and not to get off topic, but..
For as much as I've complained about him on here, he is very good at one thing: Dealing with doctors and health crisis. This is one of the reasons I wish my parents had stayed married, so he could have at least helped me deal with this.
When his parents got sick, it was him who ran to Florida, and dealt with all the doctors. His brother and sister were less involved.
When my maternal grandfather had his stroke, my grandmother called the house in the middle of the afternoon, and I was home alone. It was April 16, so my father, a CPA, was not at work that day,. as his tax season was over, and he took the day off, and was out with my mom. My grandmother didnt tell me what was wrong at first, just told me that my grandfather wasn't feeling well, and asked my parents to call the hospital. She later said she didnt want to worry me if I was home alone. When my parents got home, I went running outside to the car to tell them what was going on. My mom was so upset that she asked my father to call the hospital to find out. He did, and in a calm voice repeated as the person told him "He had a heart attack (later incorrect), and a stroke. " (correct) My father then made all the last minute plane flights to go to Florida from JFK, for not only he, my mom, and himself, but also my aunt the artist.
Maybe I'm not forceful enough. I dont know. If my parents were still married, I know that my father would have made my mom go to the hospital by now. Then again, if they were still married, we would be living in the NY area, and not 150 miles from the hospital.
Anyhow, I'm done. I wish I had a family member who was good at dealing with health issues on hand. I've done the best I can so far, but having someone else to help me, would be a big boost.
Mitch
This isnt a "Dad Rant", more so just an explanation, and not to get off topic, but..
For as much as I've complained about him on here, he is very good at one thing: Dealing with doctors and health crisis. This is one of the reasons I wish my parents had stayed married, so he could have at least helped me deal with this.
When his parents got sick, it was him who ran to Florida, and dealt with all the doctors. His brother and sister were less involved.
When my maternal grandfather had his stroke, my grandmother called the house in the middle of the afternoon, and I was home alone. It was April 16, so my father, a CPA, was not at work that day,. as his tax season was over, and he took the day off, and was out with my mom. My grandmother didnt tell me what was wrong at first, just told me that my grandfather wasn't feeling well, and asked my parents to call the hospital. She later said she didnt want to worry me if I was home alone. When my parents got home, I went running outside to the car to tell them what was going on. My mom was so upset that she asked my father to call the hospital to find out. He did, and in a calm voice repeated as the person told him "He had a heart attack (later incorrect), and a stroke. " (correct) My father then made all the last minute plane flights to go to Florida from JFK, for not only he, my mom, and himself, but also my aunt the artist.
Maybe I'm not forceful enough. I dont know. If my parents were still married, I know that my father would have made my mom go to the hospital by now. Then again, if they were still married, we would be living in the NY area, and not 150 miles from the hospital.
Anyhow, I'm done. I wish I had a family member who was good at dealing with health issues on hand. I've done the best I can so far, but having someone else to help me, would be a big boost.
Mitch
Tonight my mom explained to me why she doesnt want to go to the hospital unless absolutely necessary. While I dont agree with it, I can see her point.
Remember, this is a woman that was hospitalized many times between March 2010, and September 2011. She was poked, prodded, had blood taken, cancer treatment, scans, etc etc. My mom explained to me that she doesnt want to go through the whole thing of waiting in the ER for hours, having them run tests, and then possibly having to hospitalize her for several days.
If we go up to NJ for the meeting with the Dr on Friday, and he wants to hospitalize her then, I hope she will listen. Or , if not, he and I will prevail upon her that she has to check herself in.
So, I finally got the reasoning. I'm not in her shoes, so I cant judge her. I will take her if God Forbid she gets worse, but.. if not.. I'll have to let it sit until the scan and Dr appt.
Mitch
Remember, this is a woman that was hospitalized many times between March 2010, and September 2011. She was poked, prodded, had blood taken, cancer treatment, scans, etc etc. My mom explained to me that she doesnt want to go through the whole thing of waiting in the ER for hours, having them run tests, and then possibly having to hospitalize her for several days.
If we go up to NJ for the meeting with the Dr on Friday, and he wants to hospitalize her then, I hope she will listen. Or , if not, he and I will prevail upon her that she has to check herself in.
So, I finally got the reasoning. I'm not in her shoes, so I cant judge her. I will take her if God Forbid she gets worse, but.. if not.. I'll have to let it sit until the scan and Dr appt.
Mitch
kcantankerous
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I couldn't imagine having to go in and out of the hospital that much.
Thanks,
K
Thanks,
K
kcantankerous
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Damn, I didn't know. Found out from you just now. Looks like we will have a week or so of her greatest hits, she was very good. Anyways as always my best to you and your mom.
Thanks,
K
Believe it or not, as much as I've bitched about my assistant on this forum, he actually showed some humanity today.
I reluctantly left my mom alone earlier today, because I had to go food shopping. When I went out, my assistant asked me if my mom was angry with him, saying she's been very quiet lately. I told him no, and revealed the real reason, that we believe she has had a mild stroke. Surprisingly, he agreed with my decision not to inform my father about this. He did ask why my mom isnt in the hospital, and I explained that she told me she feels she has been through enough hospitalizations.
Bottom line: I really dont know if I'm doing the right thing, by not insisting that my mom go to the hospital. She's clearly not well. Even though she doesnt want to go, and her Dr has not ordered it, I personally think that she should be hospitalized, to at least be looked at.
I'm hoping and praying she doesnt get any worse, of course, but, as much as I hate to say it, it wouldnt completely upset me if her Dr ordered her to go to the hospital to be looked at, even when he sees her. The body scan will tell us information, but I still think she needs to be looked over.
Mitch
I reluctantly left my mom alone earlier today, because I had to go food shopping. When I went out, my assistant asked me if my mom was angry with him, saying she's been very quiet lately. I told him no, and revealed the real reason, that we believe she has had a mild stroke. Surprisingly, he agreed with my decision not to inform my father about this. He did ask why my mom isnt in the hospital, and I explained that she told me she feels she has been through enough hospitalizations.
Bottom line: I really dont know if I'm doing the right thing, by not insisting that my mom go to the hospital. She's clearly not well. Even though she doesnt want to go, and her Dr has not ordered it, I personally think that she should be hospitalized, to at least be looked at.
I'm hoping and praying she doesnt get any worse, of course, but, as much as I hate to say it, it wouldnt completely upset me if her Dr ordered her to go to the hospital to be looked at, even when he sees her. The body scan will tell us information, but I still think she needs to be looked over.
Mitch
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You still have my support, Mitch!
I love my mom, but quite simply, shes driving me up the wall.
Not to be .. phalic, but.. shes been in the bathroom for 2 hrs, because she is afraid to get up from the john. I offered to help her, but she keeps shooing me away. She doesnt want my help, she doesnt want me to call anyone. She just wants me to do it her way!
I honestly hope they see her condition when we go for the scan on Tuesday, and put her in the hospital. I think she's going downhill, and she wont let me do anything about it. If she admitted she had given up, and told me she wants to pass away, I'd be devestated, but accept that. Her whole "I want to live":, going on this way, and not letting me get her help, is just hypocritical.
I dont know how we can go on like this. I think she needs either a hospital or nursing home, but she wont let me call anyone.
Mitch
Not to be .. phalic, but.. shes been in the bathroom for 2 hrs, because she is afraid to get up from the john. I offered to help her, but she keeps shooing me away. She doesnt want my help, she doesnt want me to call anyone. She just wants me to do it her way!
I honestly hope they see her condition when we go for the scan on Tuesday, and put her in the hospital. I think she's going downhill, and she wont let me do anything about it. If she admitted she had given up, and told me she wants to pass away, I'd be devestated, but accept that. Her whole "I want to live":, going on this way, and not letting me get her help, is just hypocritical.
I dont know how we can go on like this. I think she needs either a hospital or nursing home, but she wont let me call anyone.
Mitch
Angel_2
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This is hard I can only imagine what your going through. On Tuesday during the scan I'd talk to her doctor and tell him about the way your mom has been acting the past few days/weeks. At this point a Hospital visit might be the best thing for her, there she can be checked out and looked after without worry.
Thanks, Angel. I'm going through hell.
Unfortunately, her Dr wont be there at that hospital during the scan on Tuesday. The scan is at the other hospital of St Clares. The person scanning her is just a radiology technician. The meeting with the Dr to discuss the results of the tests are Friday.
I dont know how much longer I can last. I dont know if shes so out of it that she doesnt know what shes doing, or that shes doing all of this intentionally to make me upset, freaked out, and pissed off.
Unless I'm crazy, I wouldnt be surprised if the end is near, considering her sudden deterioration, outbursts, and such. As devestated as I'd be to lose her, maybe it would be a blessing in disguise for both her and me if she continues to go on like this. She doesnt have to suffer, I dont have to watch her suffer, and I dont have to suffer along with her.
Thanks again for the support.
Mitch
Unfortunately, her Dr wont be there at that hospital during the scan on Tuesday. The scan is at the other hospital of St Clares. The person scanning her is just a radiology technician. The meeting with the Dr to discuss the results of the tests are Friday.
I dont know how much longer I can last. I dont know if shes so out of it that she doesnt know what shes doing, or that shes doing all of this intentionally to make me upset, freaked out, and pissed off.
Unless I'm crazy, I wouldnt be surprised if the end is near, considering her sudden deterioration, outbursts, and such. As devestated as I'd be to lose her, maybe it would be a blessing in disguise for both her and me if she continues to go on like this. She doesnt have to suffer, I dont have to watch her suffer, and I dont have to suffer along with her.
Thanks again for the support.
Mitch
I've been in communication with her Dr in NJ. What a wonderful man to be in touch with me on his weekend.
He told me that as for the bathroom incident, which is now at five hours and counting, I should leave her alone, and check on her every 30 minutes. He said if she continues to decline, he will have to admit her on Tuesday. I see his point, but, I dont know how much more declined she can get, unless she goes unconscious, has a heart attack, an actual big stroke, or such.
Im not expecting good news from Tuesday's scan. ;I'm emotionally preparing myself for the worst. Unless I'm wrong, I fear the end is coming sooner rather than later.
Mitch
He told me that as for the bathroom incident, which is now at five hours and counting, I should leave her alone, and check on her every 30 minutes. He said if she continues to decline, he will have to admit her on Tuesday. I see his point, but, I dont know how much more declined she can get, unless she goes unconscious, has a heart attack, an actual big stroke, or such.
Im not expecting good news from Tuesday's scan. ;I'm emotionally preparing myself for the worst. Unless I'm wrong, I fear the end is coming sooner rather than later.
Mitch
