Taking A Turn For The Worst..

[kcantankerous]

We're here for you, Mitch.

I concur with his statement.

Thanks,
K

 

[GQguy]

So sad. Sorry man.

GQ

 

[Babbles]

Mitch,
You're right to be prepared for the worst
but hopefully there is another explanation and you get better news today -- I agree a hospital stay sounds like the best idea until this sudden strange behavior can be figured out -

 

[stroker]

This sucks man. It kind of reminds me of the time when my grandma was given a week to live and she held out for two months . It was a nightmare, half of you wanting a quick end and the other half praying for a miracle . Its stuff like this that makes me wish we came with an off switch so that when it came to the end ,click , and thats it . I dont know what else to say other than .eventually this will pass .

 

[Mitchell]

The Worst Words.. Cancer In The Brain

A rather cold emergency room doctor at Lancaster General uttered those cruel words to my mom and me, late Sunday night/early Monday Morning.

Around 3am Monday, I had to take my mom to Lancaster General. They did a brain scan, and found five tumors of different sizes in her brain. Of course, we were shocked, and devestated. She was supposedly cancer free in October, and now this.

My mom, for her part, based on the different diagnosies here and in NJ in 2010, doesnt believe any diagnosies until we hear it from the NJ doctors. She was supposed to have had a Petscan yesterday in NJ. Now I dont know what they are going to do.

The current plan, supposedly, is for her to be ambulance transported from Lancaster General to St Clares tomorrow. They will take tests, and tell my mom and me what has to be done.

God Bless her, my mom is the eternal optimist. She keeps saying she doesnt believe she is going to die anytime soon. I hope and pray shes right, but if she is going to suffer, I want her to go quickly and gently to heaven. I will mourn her, cry my tears, and move on.

I also decided to swallow my pride, and call my father, and my aunt. My father claims he deserted me because he was feeling badgered. I dont know. I may well have to set that aside. I know what both my father and my aunt are, but sometimes one has to overlook things, to deal with imperfect family members, when they need support.

My mom eats well, thank God. She does sleep a lot, and cant speak very clearly. She utters one word answers, and gets infuriated if you dont say or do exactly what she wants. Sometimes shes her loving self, and is very emotional. Other times its a nightmare to communicate with her.

I believe we are going back to NJ in the short term. How long we stay there, and what the treatment plan is, I wont know until I see Dr B and Dr C. I will trust their judgement. My mom trusts them, and it will be easiest to deal with them.

I just wanted to post this. If I'm at the hotel for any time like I was in the summer, I will log in from there. If I'm at the hospital thats not possible.

So, thats the situation. I appreciate the support I've gotten, and of course could use some now.

Thanks,
Mitch

 

[Mitchell]

I should also mention that I've spoken with a very kind hospital Chaplin. Simply put, if my mom passes away, especially anytime soon, I will be devestated/shattered. The Chaplin told me that is a very normal emotion, regardless of age/living circumstance. I will be going through three things. Losing my mom, having to move to NY, and not having my mom in the apartment with me. I know for sure that I cant and wont stay here., The work opportunities for me in NY are more, and even if I stayed here, and took a roommate into the apartment to help me with the rent, to stay in this apartment alone or with someone else, after living here with my mom for 13, 14, 15 years, would be too difficult. I'm better off starting fresh.

Mitch

 

[GQguy]

😱( I was hoping that it was nothing! Man. I'm so sorry. So so so so sorry.

NY sounds like a great move. Staying where you're at wouldn't be good. I'm glad you're thinking about your future while taking care of your present. I'm proud of your resolve and level headedness.

GQ

 

[kis123]

Oh dear.

I'm sorry for the latest news Mitchell; it's one of the reasons why I didn't respond in your last thread. I knew something wasn't right, but didn't want to stress you anymore than you already are. I don't know why the docs didn't anticipate the cancer spreading; is there anything they can do to help her?

You are in my thoughts.

 

[Mitchell]

GQ, thanks, pal.

I would go insane if I had to stay in this apartment without her. Even in Lancaster, I have no serious contacts here worth staying for. NY is best. I have long term friends, and my family, imperfect as they are.

kis, I understand. To be honest, I thought she had a stroke with what happened this time. Her NJ Dr wasnt shocked with what I told him, but he also said this kind of thing cant also be predicted. The scan in Oct was clear, so there probably was no way to know.

As to whether they can help her: I dont know until I look them in the face, ask them, and they tell me. The Chemo Dr and I are in regular touch by email. He said we will figure out something. I'll just say I know they will try their best.

Mitch

 

[Mitchell]

I'm going to say this without making any predictions, and I'll explain in a minute.

In the late 1990s, my father had a friend with brain cancer. While I dont know the details of his case, as I wasnt in touch with the man, I believe he lived 18 months to 2 years.

I know I've read the "average" life expectancy for brain cancer is.. 6 to 9 months. I also dont know details, of how advanced it is, and how and what treament options are available.

The Dr here said surgery is not an option because there are too many tumors. As everyone knows by my previous posts, I discount that until I talk to the NJ doctors. Our radiation Dr does direct radiation of the lung. I dont know if he does brain cancer radiation, but I'm sure if its possible, he will do it, or recommend someone.

A chilling thought: When my mom was first diagnosed in 2010, the Dr down here who does chemo, who I didnt like, who said she had metastatic cancer, supposedly incorrect according to the Drs in NJ. The Dr down here in 2010 told me his patients live, on average, two to three years, with one patient surviving for four years. If God Forbid the NJ Drs cant help my mom in the way she needs, and she ends up passing in the next year or two, he will have been right. Neither she or I want to think that way, until we talk to the DRs in NJ. If they take a scan, and God Forbid tell us its trouble, then I will really worry.

Mitch

 

[PhilipRJ_UK]

Sending you best wishes from England, Mitchell 🙂

 

[kcantankerous]

Yeah Mitch as the others mentioned I am sorry to hear about the situation. Just mentally prepare yourself and tell your mother everything you've ever wanted to say. Make sure when she passes that you have no regrets over missed words. Other than that, I can tell you all types of things but the truth is you will be devastated most likely. My suggestion is to plan accordingly for how you think you would best handle the situation to cope. Preparing oneself is never easy and I'm glad you already chatted with the Chaplin.

I don't know if you prefer to suffer in silence or in good company, whichever works I would prepare those you love for what you believe will happen and let them know how best to be your friend during that time. Before you are too overcome with emotions to do it.

Thanks,
K

 

[Mitchell]

Thank you, Phillip. I greatly appreciate it.,

Mitch

 

[GQguy]

Sorta random. But a few years back I worked on a program that would take brain scans and scan them for brain tumors finding them/sizing them and tracking their growth. I wonder where that project is now.

GQ

 

[Mitchell]

Not sure.

I just talked to my father at length. He was very nice. Major change: He now says he only wants to be there for me, and would not expect me to meet anyone in his family, his wife, etc, until I'm ready. When I asked him if that wouldnt be til God Forbid after my mom dies, he was okay with that. This was a sticking point in our relationship before, how I would have to be nice to others to be his son. If he can support me through this alone, and I dont have to deal with other things until after, that would help greatly.

Mitch

 

[Bugman]

Mitch, I'm terribly sorry to hear this. I have some experience dealing with brain cancer (a family member) so if I can help in some way or you just need to talk my PM box is always open to you.

 

[fitzh2o]

Hey bro,
I know how difficult it is dealing with some one close to you degenerating from cancer, I wish you the best, and I'm very sorry to hear that your going through this. Keep your chin up and take care.

 

[kis123]

Not sure.

I just talked to my father at length. He was very nice. Major change: He now says he only wants to be there for me, and would not expect me to meet anyone in his family, his wife, etc, until I'm ready. When I asked him if that wouldnt be til God Forbid after my mom dies, he was okay with that. This was a sticking point in our relationship before, how I would have to be nice to others to be his son. If he can support me through this alone, and I dont have to deal with other things until after, that would help greatly.

Mitch

Well I'm glad you two found some common ground and it didn't turn into an earthquake. You don't need any additional stress and I'm sure he has some feelings about your mother's situation as well.

Be cautiously optimistic and approach carefully; take it slowly and see where it leads.

I wish you both the best and your mom is in my thoughts.......I wish her the best also.

 

[kurchatovium]

Very sorry to hear the bad news Mitch. I am praying hard for you and your mom.

 

[Libertine]

Both my parents died of cancer so I know whereof I speak. Though my own goes without saying I'll let other people handle the sympathy, but since you need more than that I'll also be practical even if I do not wish to jump the gun.

Re-establish bridges with your father. He's your last remaining parent and must have some feelings remaining for you. You may need his help and advice- perhaps this unfortunate situation will draw you both together. Be the greater man and give him a chance.

Tell your mother everything you can, while you can as Kcantankerous said and that as quickly as possible because with five brain tumours her body may outlast her mind. If not, hearing is the last sense to go so she may hear and understand your final goodbyes even if you feel she's already gone. Deathbeds are not only depressing, but also boring through the last nights and your mind will wander from the situation at hand if your mother is comatose and unresponsive. Don't feel guilty, it's just what happens.

And do not allow sentiment to cloud your judgement. Spend exactly what you sense your mother would have spent on her own funeral, no more, and do not be swayed by the subtle upselling techniques of the funeral director. It's what they're trained to do. I will put this bluntly, in the same way and words a wise relative chose to advise me- "every penny you spend ultimately just goes into the ground or up a chimney, depending on the method you have chosen".

Afterwards, be ruthless and do not overwhelm yourself with someone else's taste and possessions. Have a clearout of your mother's things and get rid of everything you sensibly can, though it might be an idea to save a cookbook or two as cooking some of the favourite dishes she used to make now and again at your own dinner table for yourself and and/or friends will be both a memory of and a tribute to her.

Last of all, after it's all over and a reasonable period has elapsed, up to, say, six months to a year and before that if possible get on with your life. Sell up, move to New York, and get back into the world. You've been 'on hold' for far too long and it will be time sooner or later to be a man and throw the dice. Nothing is guaranteed but maybe you will win; since you seem religious, I shall quote from the Book of Joel, 2:25, hoping the verse will come true for you, and your past troubles rewarded: "And I will restore to you the years that the locust hath eaten, the cankerworm, and the caterpiller, and the palmerworm, my great army which I sent among you".

Since things seem to be drawing to a close, I can only wish you what is best for everyone concerned; a quick and painless resolution.

Best of luck.

 

[PQfingers]

Mitchell, sorry to hear about your family situation. Wish for the best for your moms! Stay strong,positive and remember the good times to lift you up. Never give up hope!!!!!!!!

 

[Angel_2]

Mitchell I'm beyond Sorry to hear of the bad news with more Cancer in the brain. I'll be praying for you and your mother. Hang in there man, try and stay positive and keep your head up. May God Bless the both of you.

 

[GEORGIATKLER]

Mitchell: I too am so sad to hear about your bad news. You have been a wonderful son and have been such a blessing to your Mom. I hope the Drs. can give you some options and take care of yourself, too.

 

[kis123]

When my mother was diagnosed, she was in full blown stage 4 and was initially given 3-6mos to live. My mother lived (emphasis on "lived") for 27 months. She had her so-called bucket list, and had a good time. She went to see the horse races and won about $500 bucks. She went to multiple Indians' games and even on an impromptu trip to GA to see my niece and her family (she never traveled before in her life). My mother did what the hell she wanted to until she couldn't do it anymore.

I'm not sure what your mother is able to do, but I'd find out if she has a dream left in her and go live it. Have a lot of fun and do whatever you're cabable of doing. If you're past that point, fill her head with dreams and lots of fun. She might not be able to participate in it with you, but I think she just might have some gas left in the tank if you know what I mean. At this point, she has nothing to lose and an abbreviated lifetime to gain.

But those who have said for you to consider your future are also right. It must be quite the task of being the only child; no one out there to buffer the stress and strain off you. You have been and are truly a good son, but it's time for you to consider your future because.....well, I don't have to go there today. Balance her reality with yours and somewhere on the scale you will find yourself.

Wish you well and bid you peace during this trying time in your life.......

 

[Marquis De Sade]

Shit Mitchell, that's horrible. I'm sorry and best of luck, support and medical science from here on out.