Tickling Fetish ‘Acceptance’ ?

[Rectangle]

You mean other than my ex?

Anyway, I've been rejected for stupider things than a tickle fetish. Is it any less obnoxious that I got dumped by a gal who really, really needed a guy who was into extreme sports and didn't realize that despite my online profile going on at length about how I'm the kinda guy who likes movies and music that I, like, wasn't into extreme sports? Or the one who decided after two dates that I "wouldn't be a good father to her children" (she didn't have any)? How about the one that dumped me because I didn't call her over the weekend despite telling her I'd be too busy to call her over the weekend?

I film fetish videos as a hobby and I tell total strangers about it at parties. No one's called the cops yet.

Sounds a LOT like the problem isn't your fetish, sports preferences, or how busy you are in relation to making phone calls, it's the women you're dating.
I'm talking about finding someone who genuinely loves you, and letting the rest sort itself out.
It doesn't sound like there was much love in these relationships.

 

[kingofkaboom]

Waiting until feelings develop to find out if you're sexually compatible just adds more pressure, wastes time, and is why people end up in unsatisfying marriages.

Rejection is a part of life and most people date a lot before they find someone to have a long term relationship with and most people have a few of those in their lifetime.

Being ashamed of what you're into leads to repression and then obsession. People end up seeking out tickling behind their partners back and neither ends up happy usually.

All because people are too scared to accept themselves.

Dating is hard. Life is hard. Nothing that worthwhile is ever easy.

When it comes to men vs women, that's bullshit too. If you bring it up early with confidence, it'll either go over well or it won't and you move on or accept that you won't get your tickle fix. Acting nervous and ashamed isn't gonna pique anyone interest because insecurity isn't sexy.

It's definitely easier to ask someone to dish out the tickling than it is to ask them to submit to it if they don't enjoy it. Many females are Lee's so I can see how that idea may have come about.

But I mean I know plenty of guys, girls, all shapes and sizes and walks of life that are able to get what they want tickle wise.

The reason I suggested that there be some time is because I want to be sure you actually know me for who I really am before you know I have a tickle fetish. I feel like if I got it out of the way early in a relationship, that would also be the end of the relationship because she wouldn't be familiar with me. It's a delicate topic and the conditions need to be perfect in order to do it the right way. It just doesn't seem that simple to me. I feel like it requires a lot of thought and careful planning.

 

[SoleMates]

Sounds a LOT like the problem isn't your fetish, sports preferences, or how busy you are in relation to making phone calls, it's the women you're dating.
I'm talking about finding someone who genuinely loves you, and letting the rest sort itself out.
It doesn't sound like there was much love in these relationships.

Oh, absolutely. My point was, once you've been rejected for things like that, someone not liking your tickle fetish is pretty much the smallest potatoes imaginable.

It's a delicate topic and the conditions need to be perfect in order to do it the right way.

That is the absolute opposite of true. I mention it on, if not before, the first date. Always. Now, I think your problem is that because you think it's such a bomb to drop, it's making these ladies wonder why you do that. If they don't have a clue and you're all hemming and hawing over it, they're gonna be all like, "Why is this such a big deal? What am I not getting?" - and at that point, the well's been poisoned.

It sounds easier than it probably is, but you need to learn to talk about your fetish like it's no big deal.

 

[chicago]

The reason I suggested that there be some time is because I want to be sure you actually know me for who I really am before you know I have a tickle fetish. I feel like if I got it out of the way early in a relationship, that would also be the end of the relationship because she wouldn't be familiar with me. It's a delicate topic and the conditions need to be perfect in order to do it the right way. It just doesn't seem that simple to me. I feel like it requires a lot of thought and careful planning.

Whats careful about being rejected by someone you have grown to love versus someone you're still in the infatuation phase with? I can't imagine the latter being easier.

 

[Rectangle]

Whats careful about being rejected by someone you have grown to love versus someone you're still in the infatuation phase with? I can't imagine the latter being easier.

Eh? Do you mean you can't imagine the former being easier?

 

[gilmourwaters]

I've never hid my fetishes from any of my gfs , if a relationships going to work for both parties they should know what your about and into. Most all my gfs thought my foot thing and tickling thing was everything from cute to sexy as hell. Those who didn't . didn't last long. Did it bother me they didn't get it..some but the way I see it , the fetish is a part of who I am! Cant accept it...cya! Most my female friends knew too. Loved messing with me about it. Teasing me with there feet. Some actually met me in college knowing full well they were meeting me so I can tickle there feet! Same goes in my club days. Told my wife about it in bar the night we met.Her response? Immediately slipping off her heels and putting her feet in my lap for some tickle play!......Its all in how its presented people!

 

[Wolf]

I've never hid my fetishes from any of my gfs , if a relationships going to work for both parties they should know what your about and into. Most all my gfs thought my foot thing and tickling thing was everything from cute to sexy as hell. Those who didn't . didn't last long. Did it bother me they didn't get it..some but the way I see it , the fetish is a part of who I am! Cant accept it...cya! Most my female friends knew too. Loved messing with me about it. Teasing me with there feet. Some actually met me in college knowing full well they were meeting me so I can tickle there feet! Same goes in my club days. Told my wife about it in bar the night we met.Her response? Immediately slipping off her heels and putting her feet in my lap for some tickle play!......Its all in how its presented people!

Dead on.
it really seems like the difference between acceptance and non-acceptance is that most of us who feel accepted have...you know.... told people about it.

 

[Rectangle]

Dead on.
it really seems like the difference between acceptance and non-acceptance is that most of us who feel accepted have...you know.... told people about it.

Pretty much wins the thread right here..

 

[kingofkaboom]

Whats careful about being rejected by someone you have grown to love versus someone you're still in the infatuation phase with? I can't imagine the latter being easier.

They both seem equally difficult.

 

[Wolf]

They both seem equally difficult.

You'll never know until you try at least one of them.

 

[kingofkaboom]

That is the absolute opposite of true. I mention it on, if not before, the first date. Always. Now, I think your problem is that because you think it's such a bomb to drop, it's making these ladies wonder why you do that. If they don't have a clue and you're all hemming and hawing over it, they're gonna be all like, "Why is this such a big deal? What am I not getting?" - and at that point, the well's been poisoned.

It sounds easier than it probably is, but you need to learn to talk about your fetish like it's no big deal.

Well it is a big deal. I can't pretend like its not.

 

[Wolf]

Well it is a big deal. I can't pretend like its not.

It's a big deal because you make it a big deal. Do you bring up tickling in every conversation you have with another person?

My favorite Zen Master was Bankei. (1622-1693).
I've always found that this koan was kind of relevant to a lot of people's complaints about their fetish on the forum.

A Zen student came to Bankei and complained: "Master, I have an ungovernable temper. How can I cure it?"
"You have something very strange," replied Bankei. "Let me see what you have."
"Just now I cannot show it to you," replied the student.
"When can you show it to me?" asked Bankei.
"It arises unexpectedly," replied the student.
"Then," concluded Bankei, "it must not be your own true nature. If it were, you could show it to me at any time. When you were born you did not have it, and your parents did not give it to you. Think that over."

 

[kingofkaboom]

It's a big deal because you make it a big deal. Do you bring up tickling in every conversation you have with another person?

My favorite Zen Master was Bankei. (1622-1693).
I've always found that this koan was kind of relevant to a lot of people's complaints about their fetish on the forum.

A Zen student came to Bankei and complained: "Master, I have an ungovernable temper. How can I cure it?"
"You have something very strange," replied Bankei. "Let me see what you have."
"Just now I cannot show it to you," replied the student.
"When can you show it to me?" asked Bankei.
"It arises unexpectedly," replied the student.
"Then," concluded Bankei, "it must not be your own true nature. If it were, you could show it to me at any time. When you were born you did not have it, and your parents did not give it to you. Think that over."

I'm sorry I can't help it. It's naturally a touchy subject and it makes people uncomfortable. And no of course not. I never bring up tickling in any conversation. I'm not quite fully understanding the reference either and how it relates.

 

[Wolf]

I'm sorry I can't help it. It's naturally a touchy subject and it makes people uncomfortable. And no of course not. I never bring up tickling in any conversation. I'm not quite fully understanding the reference either and how it relates.

Again, how do you know it makes people uncomfortable, if you've never told them?

 

[triangle]

It's naturally a touchy subject and it makes people uncomfortable.

Rec had "the tickle talk" with me. A few hours later I had a TMF account. Totally was not uncomfortable in the slightest, I promise you.

 

[kingofkaboom]

Again, how do you know it makes people uncomfortable, if you've never told them?

I'm just speaking about fetishes in general. Any fetish can make people uncomfortable. Even the very word most people attach a negative connotation to.

 

[kingofkaboom]

Rec had "the tickle talk" with me. A few hours later I had a TMF account. Totally was not uncomfortable in the slightest, I promise you.

Really? So I'm interested, what were your feelings towards the fetish before?

 

[triangle]

Yeah dude- I'm totally on board! I mean, tickling specifically doesnt do much for me from a sexual standpoint (though it is fun!). But there's aspects of it that are turn ons, so it totally works.

I had no idea a tickling fetish existed, honestly. I'm pretty vanilla I guess. But it doesn't seem weird or scandalous or taboo at all to me. Sex is about touch, yes? Why would it be weird that some people like to touch and be touched in another way?

But really, it's been so fun now that I know. If you have questions about telling a non-tickling person, I'll fill ya in on whatever you like.

 

[Rectangle]

To be fair, I'm not strapping her down to an immobilization board blindfolded and going to town unsafeworded for twenty minutes right off the bat either..
..I don't know, it just kind of started out normal. We talked about what turned each other on. We got to tickling and I went through exactly what it was about it that turned me on.
She was like "Well, when you put it that way, I totally get it, that's not really weird at all".

She already tickled me fairly regularly before that because hell, that's what young couples do, get into tickle fights and stuff.
I didn't really *do* anything to actively "convert" her, it just seemed like a natural progression.

After a bit of me not pushing it or anything, of her own accord she was like "I think I want to try being tickled sometime, just go light on me, ok?"

It just..happened.

Eventually, we were talking about stuff like married couples do and the topic came up, and I really opened up about how much shame, fear of rejection, of being "weird", and all that I had gone through when I was younger over having a "dirty" fetish, like you described.
She was completely understanding, said "it's ridiculous to feel ashamed over something so innocent!", hopped on her phone and started Googling and the next thing I know SHE'S bringing up the TMF like "Did you know there is Tickling Forum?! We should join!".

I had to go through the motions of telling her I already had an account and post history, she thought it was funny and picked a name that reflected mine (hence the shapes), and lurked a bit before finally posting.

We're still in the process of talking through it all, but I've never felt closer to my wife, or anyone for that matter, than I have since I've told her and heard the words "That's not a big deal!".

Just took talking about it in a non-creepy way, which a LOT of guys on here have a hard time doing.


Think of it like sex.
We all (presumably) like sex.
When you talk to a girl about sex, are you immediately like "I want to stick my erect protruding member in and out of you until I involuntarily squirt my sticky fluids inside of you!"?
No dude, you have have tact, you have patience, you have an awareness that every girl you meet, while also interested in sex, isn't there for you to fuck.

Guys on here lose all sense of self control and don't apply any of those things to tickling though.
Can't really talk to a girl about it without being all like "I..uh..want to strap you down and tickle your feet!", or shooting messages to every girl on here (including my wife lol), who just like with sex, just because they're into it doesn't mean that they're there just for you to tickle, and then when getting shot down or having bad experiences fall into this sort of despairing "I'm weird, woe is me" attitude about it.

It's all in presentation man, that's the difference between a creeper and a well adjusted human being.
Just don't be the creeper about it, and it's fine.

 

[kingofkaboom]

To be fair, I'm not strapping her down to an immobilization board blindfolded and going to town unsafeworded for twenty minutes right off the bat either..
..I don't know, it just kind of started out normal. We talked about what turned each other on. We got to tickling and I went through exactly what it was about it that turned me on.
She was like "Well, when you put it that way, I totally get it, that's not really weird at all".

She already tickled me fairly regularly before that because hell, that's what young couples do, get into tickle fights and stuff.
I didn't really *do* anything to actively "convert" her, it just seemed like a natural progression.

After a bit of me not pushing it or anything, of her own accord she was like "I think I want to try being tickled sometime, just go light on me, ok?"

It just..happened.

Eventually, we were talking about stuff like married couples do and the topic came up, and I really opened up about how much shame, fear of rejection, of being "weird", and all that I had gone through when I was younger over having a "dirty" fetish, like you described.
She was completely understanding, said "it's ridiculous to feel ashamed over something so innocent!", hopped on her phone and started Googling and the next thing I know SHE'S bringing up the TMF like "Did you know there is Tickling Forum?! We should join!".

I had to go through the motions of telling her I already had an account and post history, she thought it was funny and picked a name that reflected mine (hence the shapes), and lurked a bit before finally posting.

We're still in the process of talking through it all, but I've never felt closer to my wife, or anyone for that matter, than I have since I've told her and heard the words "That's not a big deal!".

Just took talking about it in a non-creepy way, which a LOT of guys on here have a hard time doing.


Think of it like sex.
We all (presumably) like sex.
When you talk to a girl about sex, are you immediately like "I want to stick my erect protruding member in and out of you until I involuntarily squirt my sticky fluids inside of you!"?
No dude, you have have tact, you have patience, you have an awareness that every girl you meet, while also interested in sex, isn't there for you to fuck.

Guys on here lose all sense of self control and don't apply any of those things to tickling though.
Can't really talk to a girl about it without being all like "I..uh..want to strap you down and tickle your feet!", or shooting messages to every girl on here (including my wife lol), who just like with sex, just because they're into it doesn't mean that they're there just for you to tickle, and then when getting shot down or having bad experiences fall into this sort of despairing "I'm weird, woe is me" attitude about it.

It's all in presentation man, that's the difference between a creeper and a well adjusted human being.
Just don't be the creeper about it, and it's fine.

Wow. That's a great story with some solid information. And yes, I've seen some of the creeps you speak of. I know how to behave like a civilized human being. But like I said to Wolf, the word fetish usually carries a negative connotation which translates to a negative reaction. Should it be that way? Absolutely not and especially not in this case, but that's just the way it is.

 

[kingofkaboom]

Yeah dude- I'm totally on board! I mean, tickling specifically doesnt do much for me from a sexual standpoint (though it is fun!). But there's aspects of it that are turn ons, so it totally works.

I had no idea a tickling fetish existed, honestly. I'm pretty vanilla I guess. But it doesn't seem weird or scandalous or taboo at all to me. Sex is about touch, yes? Why would it be weird that some people like to touch and be touched in another way?

But really, it's been so fun now that I know. If you have questions about telling a non-tickling person, I'll fill ya in on whatever you like.

So you didn't have any second thoughts or conflicting feelings about it?

 

[triangle]

No, none at all! Seriously. There's really nothing to justify, I can totally understand why it's a turn on for people. And of course I can absolutely see why it would be scary to admit to enjoying and wanting that, that can be a really big and intimate thing to share. But it's fun! Loads of people think it's fun. And regardless of having the fetish or no, there's always room for more fun in the bedroom.

Oh, and I know "fetish" had a weird connotation in some circles. Rec was pretty careful about it-he never used the word until we seriously started talking about how into it he was. And at that point it really didnt feel weird or anything, I already knew he was into tickling. It was just a "hey i'm totally more into it than you thought." And at that point all you can be is nothing but excited you know? Because you knew this thing turns someone on and you do it. And then later you find out it REALLY turns them on and it's like "JACKPOT, now I know exactly how to rile him up".

 

[chicago]

They both seem equally difficult.

The more you do it, the less difficult it becomes. Life is hard. Things that are important aren't easy. Sometimes, if you want something, you have to suck it up cupcake. If someone is cruel or narrow-minded or can't explain they are not into the same thing you are without being mean, is that someone you should care about losing anyway?

No risk, no reward. At the end of the day, you are the only one keeping you from what you want. Youre not helpless.

 

[chicago]

I'm just speaking about fetishes in general. Any fetish can make people uncomfortable. Even the very word most people attach a negative connotation to.

I don't think you need to use the word fetish. Technically it's a Paraphilia and even then, that's if you literally can't function sexually without it. For most it's a kink or a turn on. I think most would be quite capable of getting their point across without using the word fetish if they wanted.

 

[chicago]

I feel like as long as you keep in mind that there are lots of fish in the sea, dating process is where you figure out if you are a good match, and rejection is inevitable and something everyone experiences many times in life, it won't feel as gut wrenching when it happens.

To me, being rejected by someone you're already serious about hurts far worse than being rejected by someone you're just getting to know.

Best of luck