Virgin?

[tklfeather10]

Online dating has really skewed things to be honest.

agreed i think social media in general has altered a lot of things

 

[schiller]

I'm 35 years old, I've been married for 9 years, and I still have never had intercourse. :-(

 

[Bohemianne]

To people who are still [gasppph] virgin in their 40's/+++, who vie to extend it in a lifetime (?): to be honest, we could agree that just because you were intact doesn't mean that you were deprived of pulpable...ummm... deep pleasure, right????!!!

Because to be honest too, in my personal opinion (ONLY), the most intense mental/spiritual ecstasy (brought about by death defying constant consummation) had been the one shared with the significant ONE whom you share your best life with --- won't happen if you are alone. Do you think you've been missing it? Or do you think you have this silent thing in you that the highest feat in life is the one spent in ideal pursuit of self-mastery, way beyond the ('shallowness' of) carnal desire? If you answer yes to the last question, then without doubt you may not be truly a 'virgin'. LMAO!

 

[Tenebrae]

Because to be honest too, in my personal opinion (ONLY), the most intense mental/spiritual ecstasy (brought about by death defying constant consummation) had been the one shared with the significant ONE whom you share your best life with --- won't happen if you are alone.

Very, very true. Although no one would know that until they HAVE met "the one". I used to be that cynical kind of kid who believed in love yet did not think I would ever meet a woman who would be amazing enough to blow my mind... until it happened. Only then did life, sex and tickling become not only something I am good at, but also something fantastic. Something giving a deeper meaning to life. Ecstasy, maybe, but not just on the superficial level; spiritually, as you say.

But one wouldn't know about that unless they found it. I know that until I did actually find it, I had no idea such a thing existed 😛

 

[duderino84]

Very, very true. Although no one would know that until they HAVE met "the one". I used to be that cynical kind of kid who believed in love yet did not think I would ever meet a woman who would be amazing enough to blow my mind... until it happened. Only then did life, sex and tickling become not only something I am good at, but also something fantastic. Something giving a deeper meaning to life. Ecstasy, maybe, but not just on the superficial level; spiritually, as you say.

But one wouldn't know about that unless they found it. I know that until I did actually find it, I had no idea such a thing existed 😛

Kind of "the one that got away" syndrome? lol I always go back and think about girls things might've happened with..

 

[Tenebrae]

Kind of "the one that got away" syndrome? lol I always go back and think about girls things might've happened with..

Lol, perish the thought! I just meant to say I was very foolish when I was younger, and had more than a few wrong ideas about what love is like. Thinking what it must be like and actually experiencing it are two very different things.

Hence my reply to Bohy. One cannot miss something they don't know, I think.

 

[weezl]

I've only had sex a few times and I am in my 30s. Maybe I have not found the right one, but I'm just not interested in dating or relationships. The last girl I was interested in basically treated me like crap and after that, I just said fuck it; it's not worth the hassle.

Relationships take a lot of work and I'm just too self centered. For the most part, I'm just satisfied with sticking to my video games and hobbies. I have a high sex drive, but I just masturbate. I don't want to rely on a girl to satisfy my sexual urges.

 

[duderino84]

Lol, perish the thought! I just meant to say I was very foolish when I was younger, and had more than a few wrong ideas about what love is like. Thinking what it must be like and actually experiencing it are two very different things.

Hence my reply to Bohy. One cannot miss something they don't know, I think.

Lol idk for me tickling has been like sex so there's been times I've met people (either once or it turned into an actual relationship) and I'm like "that one.... she was fun as hell! Ya.... not around anymore. Check!"

I'd love if things fell into place but with people I meet virtually everyone's expecting this life commitment to happen in 6 months or less which really makes the "getting to know" aspect of dating really flaccid. That's a lot to compress.

 

[Bohemianne]

Very, very true. Although no one would know that until they HAVE met "the one". I used to be that cynical kind of kid who believed in love yet did not think I would ever meet a woman who would be amazing enough to blow my mind... until it happened. Only then did life, sex and tickling become not only something I am good at, but also something fantastic. Something giving a deeper meaning to life. Ecstasy, maybe, but not just on the superficial level; spiritually, as you say.

But one wouldn't know about that unless they found it. I know that until I did actually find it, I had no idea such a thing existed 😛

As highlighted, to be very specific, I think we are almost of the same track who both found our significant others. To be very specific with my point: the only one I had at first is myself before finding the true ONE. The rest are mental explorations. If I speak like the adult that I am, there are corruptions and purity inside a mind. My best corruption and perversion were the ones I shared physically with someone. I will reiterate: this is my personal opinion only and not applicable to others. We are all different.

Humans are not just beasts. When a cat loses it, then procreation could take place, nothing more. When humans lost or keep it philosophically intact, it could get in a forum for a whole lot of us to talk about. And mind you, at least one from here could even give a bible verse for it.

 

[Tenebrae]

A little bit OT but now I am trying to think what an Internet forum for cats would look like 😀

 

[Bohemianne]

A little bit OT but now I am trying to think what an Internet forum for cats would look like 😀

Hahahaha!

 

[4Pawz]

I was 22 when I lost mine. I was the same way for a while. But I’m cool with casual too. It just depends on what I’m wanting. I’m pretty turned off of the whole relationship thing though.

 

[luvgirlsfeet]

nothing wrong with waiting

 

[wawalee111]

I think sex dolls can help you with that: https://www.irisdoll.com/

 

[Morning Scifi]

If men's and women's standards are both "so outrageous that no one can compete", wouldn't that mean there are a huge number of people out there looking for someone who'll just take them as they are?

I can't speak for Al, but if he's referencing certain trends that have been discussed regarding online dating, there is a tendency for those sites to involve women contacting only the top 10% of the male members. It's basically an exaggerated form of hypergamy. Dating outside of the online sites is probably less like that, but hypergamy among women is a biological impulse that is universal in nature. Cultural differences seem to create little deviation from this.

The same studies of online dating sites show that men are generally more willing to date a wider range of women. This is probably also rooted in biology given the male instinct to "spread their seed." Obviously, culture and society are designed to curtail our biological impulses (via things like socially encouraged monogamy), but instinctually, humans will often lean more towards polyamory.

 

[FrenzyTickles]

Must disagree with the above. Many women I know including myself have been seriously interested in fellows with much less formal education, lower tier jobs, etc. And in no way do those I know "lean more towards polyamory." I'm sure enough people do, though I don't believe that's the majority by far, even taking some social stigma into account.


Regarding virginity, I'm not commenting except to say I was given great advice long ago, which was "don't marry the first guy you sleep with."
Which was assuming one isn't waiting for marriage.

Some people may get really lucky with their first full relationship, it's possible ------- but the social pressure (Patriarchal Double Standard) on women especially to remain virginal until marriage is a destructive, controlling, misogynistic load of crap.
Just be safe, informed and careful.

 

[Morning Scifi]

Must disagree with the above. Many women I know including myself have been seriously interested in fellows with much less formal education, lower tier jobs, etc. And in no way do those I know "lean more towards polyamory." I'm sure enough people do, though I don't believe that's the majority by far, even taking some social stigma into account.


Regarding virginity, I'm not commenting except to say I was given great advice long ago, which was "don't marry the first guy you sleep with."
Which was assuming one isn't waiting for marriage.

Some people may get really lucky with their first full relationship, it's possible ------- but the social pressure (Patriarchal Double Standard) on women especially to remain virginal until marriage is a destructive, controlling, misogynistic load of crap.
Just be safe, informed and careful.

Statistically speaking, hypergamy is still the norm, although it is true that the restructuring of society is changing this to a certain degree. The ratio of female college students to male college students is becoming very lopsided, so in the near future, earning potential will be significantly higher for women on average than for men. When that becomes the norm, women will more or less be forced out of hypergamy to a certain extent (or may simply favor remaining single or uninvolved).

As for polyamory, it is somewhat of a generational thing and age thing. Polyamory does tend to be more common among young people. Past a certain age, monogamy becomes more attractive. Polyamory was pretty common among the Baby Boomer generation when they were young, for example. It wasn't commonly known by that name, however.

There isn't much pressure for women to be virginal in Western society today, but there is pressure regarding keeping the "body count" low in terms of partners. I know women that prefer guys that get around less too, however. There are practical reasons for both men and women to desire a partner that is more selective and careful.

Which brings us back to the premise of the original post - being a virgin might have been the sort of thing that people made fun of back in high school, but it can be more desirable than the opposite extreme in terms of... shall we say... "risk assessment." The ideal seems to be having some experience but not too much.

I was 20 when I lost mine, mostly because I was too focused on studies to bother with dating.

 

[duderino84]

I have preferred tickling women and receiving other forms of interaction other than direct penetration. I tried once because a partner nagged me about it and it just felt awkward and skeeved me out. I wasn't used to being in the position of the dominant in that context and I felt uncoordinated and lost. So I guess I'm in a gray area. I'm not proud of it, but I also know I didn't value it.

Does it bother you not following other people's norms?

 

[ichbins]

I have preferred tickling women and receiving other forms of interaction other than direct penetration. I tried once because a partner nagged me about it and it just felt awkward and skeeved me out. I wasn't used to being in the position of the dominant in that context and I felt uncoordinated and lost. So I guess I'm in a gray area. I'm not proud of it, but I also know I didn't value it.

Does it bother you not following other people's norms?

I mean if you have a partner who accepts this, then all good. But I guess there still is a problem in the majority of cases, because penetration, "sex" in the roughest sense is really excepted in a partnership. My last relationship with a woman led to problems because of that. And I wanted sex, it was just a bit more difficult in my case and it would have needed some more compromise from her side, but well, then together with other things, this led to the end. I don't know how common this is, but I guess not being interested in penetrative sex can lead to problems when meeting intimate others.

 

[Libertine]

'... the social pressure (Patriarchal Double Standard) on women especially to remain virginal until marriage is a destructive, controlling, misogynistic load of crap...'

Absolutely. My own view is that if a woman hasn't had sex with several guys before finally attaining the privilege of having it with ME, how could she possibly understand how brilliant-nay, Godlike!- I am at it compared with all the others? 😈

 

[duderino84]

I mean if you have a partner who accepts this, then all good. But I guess there still is a problem in the majority of cases, because penetration, "sex" in the roughest sense is really excepted in a partnership. My last relationship with a woman led to problems because of that. And I wanted sex, it was just a bit more difficult in my case and it would have needed some more compromise from her side, but well, then together with other things, this led to the end. I don't know how common this is, but I guess not being interested in penetrative sex can lead to problems when meeting intimate others.

No doubt. But if we're discussing the real truth, it's not that I'm unwilling, just that I'm fat and have had this mindset that penetrating as the initiator is not "the position to be in" for me. Chalk it up to the difficulties of gender roles.

 

[FrenzyTickles]

Absolutely. My own view is that if a woman hasn't had sex with several guys before finally attaining the privilege of having it with ME, how could she possibly understand how brilliant-nay, Godlike!- I am at it compared with all the others? 😈

(I'm sorry I didn't reply properly to this a while ago...) I don't doubt most men breathe a sigh of relief knowing you're spoken for!

 

[duderino84]

I'm 35 years old, I've been married for 9 years, and I still have never had intercourse. :-(

I didn't see this, but I imagine you don't get additive for commitment. And I'd argue that society finds this to be to the more important thing.