why lees have problems getting a ler?

[ChicagoDavid]

I think I have one thought to add to the many thoughtful responses to OP. Don’t underestimate the ability of well-meaning guys, even intelligent ones, to be stupid when it comes to dealing with women. So, if you tell a guy once that you want to be tickled intensely, if that whole concept is alien to him, he simply may not get it. I know, you think, “but if I wrote him a letter, obviously he must see how important it is to me.” But go back to, “don’t underestimate the ability of well-meaning guys, even intelligent ones, to be stupid when it comes to dealing with women.” Find a way to hit him over the head with it. “If you tie me up, tickle me, and get me to say “mercy,” I’ll suck you dry.” Sorry, that wasn’t delicate. But I bet if you say that, you’ll get tickled!

 

[Frowg]

My mind is blown by your situation... I just can't fathom it. Have you tried setting up a safeword beforehand, so that they know, you don't want them to stop/aren't mad at them until you say that word?

 

[helplessandhappy]

If you're talking to me, it doesn't matter because I don't plan on dating any more vanillas. Why settle for a guy willing to comply with my desires when I could choose someone who shares this with me? Explaining this shit to vanilla guys is a turn off. Plus, I don't want to just be loved. I want to be fucking treasured. I want to find the one who deserves me and completely blow his mind. 🙂

 

[duderino84]

I don't think it's tickling. I think it's guys that do everything else possible to repulse women by satisfying their sick pleasures and then tickling is a reminder to girls of the feeling of being used.

 

[L_o_s_e_r]

"it took me 30 years to even begin developing any sort of belief that I deserved to be loved"

Well, there's something else we have in common (note my screen name). It took me longer than I care to admit to realize that both friends and lovers for which I settled did not respect me.

"When a woman has a deeply ingrained believe that she is worthless, she will always attract assholes or even abusers"

It's been said that when you come from a fucked up background, you will unconsciously choose lovers just as fucked up because, in the back of your mind, you want to be able to fix it this time. I saw that in a friend who was the daughter of a drunk and grew up to marry a drunk.

"Nice guys don't bore me."

Well, I don't want to act as if I know you better than you do. All I can point to is my experience, which shows the only way a man can keep a woman is to be a challenge to her, especially if she's beautiful and sexy. (Please note that does not mean he should mistreat her.)

"we live in a society filled with women who were never taught that they deserved love"

That could be part of the reason for what I've seen. But my eyes have not tricked me: A guy who is all nice and eager to please finds his calls going to women's voice mail. That's why I said, finding a lover who shares our enthusiasm for tickling is possible, but only about as possible as winning the lottery twice.

 

[helplessandhappy]

Yeah, I feel you. I think the problem is "eager to please" can come across as other things. Neediness... lack of self respect. Being a nice, romantic guy is a big plus... but if he seems like a drooling idiot who 1) Doesn't have his own life or 2) Is willing to do ANYTHING to please, to the point where he's just this pathetic robot instead of a real, strong human...it's no good.

Women want a strong man. I can't speak for all women, but I know that is something I need. I want a guy who will listen to me, care about me, but also be capable of leading me in certain situations. A woman doesn't get the vibe that her man would be a strong leader if he's always following her around like a hopeless puppy. However, if a dude can find that perfect balance between unstoppable badass and sweet puppy, he will WIN ME so hard!

But yeah, the "being too eager" thing is a death wish on both sides. I've been too eager with guys and scared them off many a time.

 

[magic fingers]

All I can say is I've tried being a nice guy(because I feel like I am a nice guy), try to be funny, no inappropriate touching, definitely no tickling on the first date, be a complete gentleman and more than often I care to admit I don't get a 2nd date. When women say you're a nice guy, that basically means "I think of you as my plutonic asexual non threatening friend who may as well not have a penis".

And it's also a little frustrating when you always hear women say they would love to find a nice guy, but those same women end up with an Tattoo covered, Harley riding MMA fighter named "Skull"

Yes it's tough out there for a nice guy

 

[helplessandhappy]

Tattoo covered motorcycle guys can be nice too, you know. 🙂 You can't judge a person by things like that. Some of the biggest assholes I've known have been conservatively dressed, "normal" looking guys who appeared nice. And some of the sweetest people I've known are covered in tattoos!

For the record, I don't think tickling on the first date is necessarily something to be avoided. Obviously the situation would have to be appropriate, but if you get to a stage where you're holding hands or cuddling at all, I think it could be okay. Besides, if she reacts horribly to it, wouldn't you want to know that right away so you wouldn't waste your time?

 

[Skipadeedoodah]

I think sometimes is less about finding someone willing to tickle them as it is finding someone who is good at tickling them. I could have a session lined up tonight if I wanted to, but it would be with someone I don't feel chemistry with and wouldn't have a great time playing with. It would end up being disappointing because I know what I need and people who can provide that are few and far between.

 

[Sunriseticklee]

Yeah.... It is pretty difficult. Got too busy and too broke to travel out of state to gatherings, and nothing was ever going on in Georgia while I was single and living there. I went through the biggest drought, and although most of the guys a dated would tickle me, it isn't the same as finding someone who loves it and understands where you are coming from. Luckily I did find the love of my life on TMF, but I honestly think I am in the minority. If something ever happened (not that I would ever want it to!), I don't think lightning would strike twice.

 

[BigBrownEyes]

I'm not convinced that it's possible for a female lee not to be able to find a ler. No way, not how.

 

[helplessandhappy]

At this point, I believe any woman can come on here and have her choice of many different guys. I got so many messages just from just saying I was single in one post. If a woman posted in the personals, I imagine she'd get hundreds of messages. This site is like a man store! 😀 Sucks to be a dude, lol.

I wonder if anyone knows the overall m/f ratio at this place? Just curious.

 

[duderino84]

I wonder if anyone knows the overall m/f ratio at this place? Just curious.

I think it's around 98%/2%

 

[helplessandhappy]

Really? How is that even possible? WHY?

Perhaps I'm more of a freak of nature than I thought. lol

 

[duderino84]

Really? How is that even possible? WHY?

Perhaps I'm more of a freak of nature than I thought. lol

Lol I'm also factoring in outer forum results. I'll admit I like using meetme.com as a gauge of response. I'll ask (anonymously, cuz that's how this creep rolls 😉 ) "are you ticklish?" I get regular, bored sounding "yes" answers 6 out of 10 times. I'll get three insults back (some are "tickle me and I'll kick you in the balls", some are "are you gay/stupid/babyish etc"). And I'll get one "oh my god! Yea! Holy crap everywhere!" Which makes me think those might be enthusiastic. So there's some math behind my populous analysis.

 

[helplessandhappy]

A lot of people must hate it, because I see this post: https://31.media.tumblr.com/2e990033611c8c9f7e1057083e3eeece/tumblr_n187skXg4p1rr3l61o1_500.png circulating on Tumblr almost once a day. Every time I always am like NOOOO! lol

 

[duderino84]

This one makes me feel like an untouchable lizard.


One thing I can surmise from another set of anonymous experiences is if you live in the tristate area (I am from New Jersey) where crime, rape, drugs, etc are common and stress is high (stress weighs heavily in my opinion) tickling is a threat, where girls from Oregon, Florida, Minnesota, etc....seem to be hungrier for tickling. Because there's less of all that.

 

[helplessandhappy]

Yep, I see that one too. To be fair, I agree that unwanted tickling is like being raped. Especially for someone who it turns on.

That said, I've really never had anyone tickle me who wasn't someone I was sleeping with. It just doesn't happen.

 

[duderino84]

Yea, but I feel like it's like saying "you're a callous fucking bastard and you feast on people's pain". It's like "no! I just get a damn erection from tickling girls! I like hearing them express an emotion other than irritation! Do you want me to just ask to see your tits?!"

 

[helplessandhappy]

I know. I see those things and feel like it encourages vanilla guys to think all women hate being tickled, which is just not true.

 

[duderino84]

Well, the tickling video market kind of reinforces that idea.

 

[GQguy]

At this point, I believe any woman can come on here and have her choice of many different guys. I got so many messages just from just saying I was single in one post. If a woman posted in the personals, I imagine she'd get hundreds of messages. This site is like a man store! 😀 Sucks to be a dude, lol.

I wonder if anyone knows the overall m/f ratio at this place? Just curious.

I think this is the conundrum many women face online. There are many "available" men online. But how many of these men are quality? And then how many of these men would she be compatible with? And of those how many men want her? Wanting a vision of what an online woman represents is different than what she's like in real life. Men forget that.

All of the online attention ends of being a wash, only slightly providing more options than a woman has in real life.

 

[TTT for joy]

Honestly speaking: I'd be happy to even get a girlfriend. I still have enough pride left not to date just anyone, but I don't care that much if she'd be into tickling or not. I don't think it's for being too "nice" as some people here pointed out. I am just way too shy. At high school I had trouble to even be in proximity of any girl I had a crush on. It improved at least a bit, but whenever I try to date someone it's quite a challenge to look her in the eyes. I usually just stare at the ground when I speak to her....
So I find complaints of this type to be... quite funny, as I don't have the luxury some people here seem to be having. 😉

 

[C.A.B.]

Simply put, its the same reason people have trouble finding people on any level of social intimacy. Its a selective process, and the rules of engagement are a moving target for each individual and circumstance.

 

[helplessandhappy]

I think this is the conundrum many women face online. There are many "available" men online. But how many of these men are quality? And then how many of these men would she be compatible with? And of those how many men want her? Wanting a vision of what an online woman represents is different than what she's like in real life. Men forget that.

All of the online attention ends of being a wash, only slightly providing more options than a woman has in real life.

All that is definitely true. But I think it's still fun, if nothing else, you get to talk to some nice people.

It's kind of the same in the publishing industry. You spend tons of time sending out queries, almost all of them come back as rejections, and at times, you feel so defeated and wonder why you're bothering. But, the second you do find that one agent that believes in your work, or that one guy who wants to offer you everything you dream of, it's instantly worth the effort.