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Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris once knocked out Paul Bunyon with a backfist and hog-tied him with an unbreakable rope made of loose chest, back, and beard hairs...
 
Chuck Norris is the only man alive who has slammed a revolving door.
 
On a whim, Chuck Norris decided to try shaving his beard off... he utterly destroyed 15 razors. Then he punched himself in the chin and the hair fell off...
 
The Devil went down to Georgia not because he was looking for a soul to steal.. Chuck Norris took over hell for two weeks and told the Devil to get the fuck out.
 
Chuck Norris doesn't understand why you should consult your doctor if your erection lasts for more than 4 hours. His erections have been
known to last for up to 15 days.
 
Chuck Norris, on a dare, once ate a book on Aikido, some brylcream, silk pajamas, and a pit bull terrier... The following day, he pooped out Steven Seagal.
 
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I don't know if you guys already have this one.. but here:

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer, too bad Chuck Norris never crys. :sadcry:
 
What is the quickest way to mans heart?
Chuck Noris’s fist. :bump:
 
What do you get when you cross a popular tool company with Chuck Norris?

A Black & Decker People Wrecker
 
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

Chuck Norris shot J.R.

Chuck Norris can kiss his elbow.

Chuck Norris has only ever missed one roundhouse kick. The resulting trail wind increased the moon's alititude over the earth by 47 miles.

Snail Shell
 
nytoetapper said:
What do you get when you cross a popular tool company with Chuck Norris?

A Black & Decker People Wrecker
Click to expand...


*GROAN* .......NEXT!!! :twohugs:

When Chuck Norris' wife burned the turkey one thanksgiving, Chuck said, "don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."
 
chuck norris used an m-60 model machine gun 7.62mm belt fed in the movie "missing in action"
 
An interviewer once asked Chuck Norris' mother, "What was the hardest part of giving birth to Chuck?" She replied, "The cowboy hat..."

Then she roundhouse kicked him in the head.
 
The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.

BTW blue_thunder the facts are supposed to be made up and funny.
 
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
 
One time, Chuck Norris stubbed his toe, and destroyed the whole state of Ohio.
 
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