Chuck Norris

[nytoetapper]

The tooth fairy keeps a picture of Chuck Norris in a locket, because of all the teeth he as knocked out for her...

 

[BLUE_THUNDER]

chuck norris has been on the cover of "black belt" magazine more than once

 

[tickleterror]

Human extinction is expected in two weeks because Chuck Norris has decided to roundhouse kick a person everytime he hears a Fall Out Boy song on the radio or TV. (No, Chuck Norris won't kill himself. You should know by now that he is not human).

 

[tickleterror]

Tom created Myspace. Chuck Norris created Tom.

 

[nytoetapper]

Chuck Norris created the galaxy when he fucked a star that was going supernova... This event is known as "The Big Bang"...

 

[tickleterror]

When Drugs wanna get high.....they do Chuck Norris.

 

[Tamia78]

Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.

 

[nytoetapper]

The nuclear incident at Chernobyl was not a reactor failure... Chuck Norris won a bet with Russian scientists that he could, in fact, roundhouse kick a specific atom.

 

[tickleterror]

Chuck Norris CAN kill 2 birds with one stone.

In fact Chuck Norris can kill 2 birds with no stones.

 

[nytoetapper]

On July 12, 1992, Chuck Norris was practicing spinning backfists in California, inadvertently causing 28 tornadoes in Ohio.

 

[tickleterror]

Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.

 

[nytoetapper]

Chuck Norris can drink nitroglycerin and crap out sticks of dynamite.

 

[tickleterror]

In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer.

 

[nytoetapper]

In every picture, painting, or drawing of Chuck Norris, the eyes always follow you...

 

[tickleterror]

The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade.

 

[nytoetapper]

Chuck Norris played a game of chess with IBM's Big Blue... Chuck checkmated in 1 move, a roundhouse kick...

 

[tickleterror]

A high tide means Chuck Norris is flying over your coast. The tide is caused by God pissing his pants.

 

[nytoetapper]

If the Hulk fought Superman, who would win?
Chuck Norris...

 

[tickleterror]

An anagram for Walker Texas Ranger is KARATE WRANGLER SEX. I don't know what that is, but it sounds AWESOME.

 

[nytoetapper]

Chuck Norris' beard has chest hair...

 

[nytoetapper]

Comedian Shecky Burlington started his career telling Chuck Norris jokes... Never heard of him? Exactly...

 

[tickleterror]

Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the "Circle of Life."

 

[nytoetapper]

A bumper sticker on Jesus' car reads WWCND (What Would Chuck Norris Do)

 

[tickleterror]

The Sherman tank was originaly called the Norris tank until Chuck Norris decided it wasn't tough enough to be associated with him. The Army, for fear of Chuck Norris, renamed the tank and promised to develop a weapon more fitting of his name. To date, no weapon created has been badass enough to be named after Chuck Norris.

 

[nytoetapper]

Chuck Norris' sweat is 120 proof...