My 'outings' spread a looonng and awkward life, thinking about it, actually. I was always interested in how my heart raced whenever the 'T' word came up, but I would royally FREAK if anyone tried to do it to me 'unsolicited'. It was/is an adrenaline rush for the longest time, and I still am struggling with how it affects me. :blush
So... the childish 'Doctor' games, and such, with cousins/siblings began.
Raised in a very religious Christian family, (and, belying all evidence to the contrary, I still like to think I'm a [struggling] Christian, trying, day by day) after my first set of cousins understandably told their parents about the 'interesting' game, I got to have a 'gently chiding' conversation from my parents, at about 6-8 years old?
Then, a bit older, I got another, 'You shouldn't be doing this sort of thing, you know?'
Thankfully, when I tried again this cousin knew they 'shouldn't' rush to tell their parents of the activity that made their pulse pound as I'm sure it did mine.
The 'massage/tickle' games we played were increasingly one-sided, on my end, and though we 'were' safe, whenever I decided to play it "safe", a parent ended up walking in, with me in a compromising position (to which I hastily corrected, stating we were just 'rubbing each others' backs, which we were, at the time).
Then reading tickling stories on the family desktop laptop. Suddenly yanked out of the fantasy world, from a calculated, "What are you reading?" Don't think the mouse has ever traveled that slow, to the 'x' button before! XD But only stories, and largely furry (not wanting to read more 'intense'/whatever stories at that time). Thankfully??? I found out about the whole 'delete history' thing from other embarrassing, 'inappropriate' sites (i.e. crude, swearing, etc. inappropriate).
Pretty sure my mother knew - and strongly disapproved - of 'such' interest, it not being beneficial to my spiritual health, yaddah yaddah yaddah.
- Then after I had a near-death experience, haven't been 'caught' in about a decade (almost 7 years since accident), though I still am living under my parents' roof, for a now indefinite period of time. *grumbles*
But one time, so soon after my accident, when I was about to go BALLISTIC INSANE from the micromanaging everyone else seemed to have over my life, while I was taking time to 'describe' how I was nibbling on someone's toes, here, my dad popped in.
My eyes flashing wide, I 'thought' I immediately hit the 'x' button on the tab, but as he walked up to see what I was doing, nope, I hadn't. And this was one of the first times I had dared to be so 'free/detailed' in my ... care. Thank one or the other, all he did was glance at a page from this site, TickleTheater logo strongly featured, then say, 'Oh. You're talking to a friend. Okay then.' That's when me heart started to descend from my throat, seeing he just wanted to glance at whatever I was up to.
So, from those 'numerous' instances, 'little' reason why I seem to have this overpowering need to establish control in my life, through here, primarily. And how I'm NEVER going to tell anyone about 'such' interest unless they truly say they have an interest (if not much more, which I'm coming to terms with, too :huh) in tickling FIRST!
Just nuts trying to reason 'this' into the whole 'it's NOT porn! - it keeps me from watching porn, actually!' argument. And that doesn't even start on the number of drawings I've trashed, half-finished with 'such' a related theme. :blush