I think I am being sexually harassed at work? Mostly looking for advice from guys.

[Jondude]

Since you've decided on a personal attack, allow me to respond in kind, and with far more accuracy.

Your PC-bred lack of both logic, experience and the slightest semblance of grown-up judgement precludes you figuring out that men and women are, always have been and always will be different. The dynamic of man on man is considerably different from that of woman on man. If you'd get out into the world, and interact with more real live females (if this is what you like; I'm wrong to make any assumptions) instead of spending so much time on all the costumed superhero stuff in your signature (very thoughtful providing shoe sizes for the eleven characters) you might come to the same realization. Don't get me wrong, it's nice artwork, but life has to be lived also.

If by chance I sound like your father, (a) I'm glad I'm not and (b) He's perfectly right.

As far as the OP goes, a bit of further research has led me to the fact that as he himself says, he's unsure of his sexuality (the wording in his signature cartoon nowithstanding) (http://www.ticklingforum.com/showth...guy-tie-and-tickle-them&p=3800945#post3800945) and this uncertainty may well be part of his problem. There's typical male behaviour, typical female behaviour, and there's the gray area in between that might be stopping him from framing an unequivocal response to the woman in question.

Far more accuracy? Hardly. But this isn't about me, and the honest truth about me and my experiences is none of your business to discuss and neither here nor there anyways, as they derail the topic at hand.

That having been said, I'm flattered you think I care enough about a random stranger that you think my response a "personal attack". It's not. It's pretty unbiased, and while I made it clear what your posts were TELLING me, in regards to this topic alone for the record, I never flat out said or even intended to imply that's who you are as a person or that it's a character flaw. And where you got it in your head I was being passive-aggressive enough to warrant such a heart-felt response, I have no idea. Hell, it's far less personal than your reply here, which, for someone who claims to be wrong to be making assumptions, implies quite a number of them, left and right, including but not limited to, a lack of social experience or good judgment, that I spend all my time in front of a computer, that my imagination and creative talent is a supplement to a lack of interaction with real people, that I'm possibly into men because I show no bias to females as most men do (sometimes to disgusting and creepy levels, I might add), and that I spend all my time on superhero stuff that if you actually took the time to be more thorough in your "research" on me in an attempt to gain more ammunition for your own "attack", you'd know I haven't posted any material in weeks, if not months. Oh, and that my dad was any sort of real "father", and frankly, not a disgusting monster who's done nothing but horrible things to people in my life, mostly ones I care about. In truth? You don't sound like him, because even with your attitude, you still come across as some kind of human being, and while you're glad you're not my dad, I can't say the same, because anyone here would've been a step up.

Regardless, my life is my life, and that's not the topic of discussion here. And, getting back to that, I actually will have to agree with the point you made underneath all of your spite. There is a difference in dynamic between genders, and because of that, what one finds harassment differs and is unique to everyone. So, I'll apologize, because maybe based on your own definition, your advice may have some merit, as mine has keeping my own definition in mind. In my mind... Harassment is very clear cut to me. It's any sort of act, whether it be sexual or otherwise, including groping, unwanted advances or even things like hazing and bullying too, that makes an individual uncomfortable, and is abusive in nature. And, being the person that I am, one who likes to see the world they way it SHOULD be, in contrast to your apparent viewing of the world as it actually IS, thusly feels that it's necessary to assume that there should be equality between men and women and that gender-dynamics shouldn't have any sort of effect on what does or doesn't fall under "harassment", and that the OP should take these same steps like reporting it to higher ups and such no matter if it's a woman sexually harassing him, or a man harassing him, sexual or not. Therefore, when I read posts like yours, advising that he just forget it and screw her, given that MY definition of harassment, again, is when ANYONE, man or woman, does something that makes someone uncomfortable, I read it as "if someone is harassing you, just screw em!", and it points out the ever apparent of the "double standard". A problem that I hope to at least make the people here aware of if not help solve the issue by making it known that women shouldn't be treated better than men for doing stupid shit or breaking the law, or vice versa. Especially attractive women, because that's another issue, how pretty girls get treated better than plainer looking or overweight women.

Again, I see the world how it SHOULD be. And the appropriate response, in all good conscious, shouldn't be "just bag her already!" in a world that should be full of decent people and equality. So, I'm an optimist. Must be all that "superhero stuff" I apparently occupy all my time with. Sue me.

As for the post you linked to? Irrelevant to me. Harassment is harassment, whether he's gay, bi or straight.

 

[Thatsecretchord]

And in front of a supervisor as well? This will sink you even further into the depths of the deepest doo-doo ever reserved for a human male.

"Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned,
Nor hell a fury like a woman scorned."

William Congreve, 'The Mourning Bride' (1697) Act III, Scene VIII.

Can't you find it in your heart or trousers to just throw a quick one up her?

Just for the record, "just throw a quick one up her" is hilarious! Loved it.

 

[primetime]

He has done everything by the book, and it should be handled the same for him as it should for her. I don't support the attitude others have about this. If he returns her advances he is setting himself up for a complaint. If he grabs her, even as a defensive gesture, he is setting himself up for an assault charge. Women brought in these laws, they should be following them more then anyone. Lead by example.

But here is the thing. He doesn't have to do anything physical with her to make her stop. Is the woman physically bigger than him? Probably not. He needs to be LOUD and assertive in his voice. Yell at her if he has to. He has already complained to management, so if he gets in a yelling match with her, management will do what?

That is why you have guys telling him to "man up". Unless this woman is physically bigger than him and can kick his ass, how on this planet can he not be assertive with his words and tone of voice to get her to stop? Besides, this woman is NOT causing him PHYSICAL harm. The OP really does need to "man up", be assertive and get this woman to stop. She is not grabbing his genitals. His problem is that she is "touching him" and he does not like to get touched at all by anyone. To me, this is not SEXUAL harassment. He is just annoyed that she is touching him. My goodness, tell the woman in a loud clear voice, and be MEAN about it. Man up dude, man up.

 

[SlaverTickler]

But here is the thing. He doesn't have to do anything physical with her to make her stop. Is the woman physically bigger than him? Probably not. He needs to be LOUD and assertive in his voice. Yell at her if he has to. He has already complained to management, so if he gets in a yelling match with her, management will do what?

That is why you have guys telling him to "man up". Unless this woman is physically bigger than him and can kick his ass, how on this planet can he not be assertive with his words and tone of voice to get her to stop? Besides, this woman is NOT causing him PHYSICAL harm. The OP really does need to "man up", be assertive and get this woman to stop. She is not grabbing his genitals. His problem is that she is "touching him" and he does not like to get touched at all by anyone. To me, this is not SEXUAL harassment. He is just annoyed that she is touching him. My goodness, tell the woman in a loud clear voice, and be MEAN about it. Man up dude, man up.

I don't think thats what the guys mean when they tell him to "man-up" they mean "it's a woman doing it to a man so stop wining and enjoy.".

 

[Cosmo_ac]

My goodness, tell the woman in a loud clear voice, and be MEAN about it. Man up dude, man up.

And this stops her...how?

 

[SlaverTickler]

And this stops her...how?

It won't. The only thing that will stop it is legal action. I've used the John Oakley line of "the prejudice of lower expectations" but nobody seems to get what that means. The truth is, since sexual harassment laws were initially brought in to protect women, if anything, they should be held to a higher standard regarding it. It's like a Jew who makes a complaint about anti-semitism, and goes around calling gentiles goies. Or if a black person complains about racism and throws out honky or cracker.

This guy is a victim of sexual harassment. He is a victim twice over because we have a system that refuses to acknowledge that men can be victims because we are bigger and stronger (most of the time). However that becomes a moot point when you consider the unwritten law of "boys can't hit girls" and so on. This tramp is exploiting 2 social double standards and when he looks to his online buddies for advice he gets "man up" or "What are you complaining about.". What a great group.

 

[SlaverTickler]

Far more accuracy? Hardly. But this isn't about me, and the honest truth about me and my experiences is none of your business to discuss and neither here nor there anyways, as they derail the topic at hand.

That having been said, I'm flattered you think I care enough about a random stranger that you think my response a "personal attack". It's not. It's pretty unbiased, and while I made it clear what your posts were TELLING me, in regards to this topic alone for the record, I never flat out said or even intended to imply that's who you are as a person or that it's a character flaw. And where you got it in your head I was being passive-aggressive enough to warrant such a heart-felt response, I have no idea. Hell, it's far less personal than your reply here, which, for someone who claims to be wrong to be making assumptions, implies quite a number of them, left and right, including but not limited to, a lack of social experience or good judgment, that I spend all my time in front of a computer, that my imagination and creative talent is a supplement to a lack of interaction with real people, that I'm possibly into men because I show no bias to females as most men do (sometimes to disgusting and creepy levels, I might add), and that I spend all my time on superhero stuff that if you actually took the time to be more thorough in your "research" on me in an attempt to gain more ammunition for your own "attack", you'd know I haven't posted any material in weeks, if not months. Oh, and that my dad was any sort of real "father", and frankly, not a disgusting monster who's done nothing but horrible things to people in my life, mostly ones I care about. In truth? You don't sound like him, because even with your attitude, you still come across as some kind of human being, and while you're glad you're not my dad, I can't say the same, because anyone here would've been a step up.

Regardless, my life is my life, and that's not the topic of discussion here. And, getting back to that, I actually will have to agree with the point you made underneath all of your spite. There is a difference in dynamic between genders, and because of that, what one finds harassment differs and is unique to everyone. So, I'll apologize, because maybe based on your own definition, your advice may have some merit, as mine has keeping my own definition in mind. In my mind... Harassment is very clear cut to me. It's any sort of act, whether it be sexual or otherwise, including groping, unwanted advances or even things like hazing and bullying too, that makes an individual uncomfortable, and is abusive in nature. And, being the person that I am, one who likes to see the world they way it SHOULD be, in contrast to your apparent viewing of the world as it actually IS, thusly feels that it's necessary to assume that there should be equality between men and women and that gender-dynamics shouldn't have any sort of effect on what does or doesn't fall under "harassment", and that the OP should take these same steps like reporting it to higher ups and such no matter if it's a woman sexually harassing him, or a man harassing him, sexual or not. Therefore, when I read posts like yours, advising that he just forget it and screw her, given that MY definition of harassment, again, is when ANYONE, man or woman, does something that makes someone uncomfortable, I read it as "if someone is harassing you, just screw em!", and it points out the ever apparent of the "double standard". A problem that I hope to at least make the people here aware of if not help solve the issue by making it known that women shouldn't be treated better than men for doing stupid shit or breaking the law, or vice versa. Especially attractive women, because that's another issue, how pretty girls get treated better than plainer looking or overweight women.

Again, I see the world how it SHOULD be. And the appropriate response, in all good conscious, shouldn't be "just bag her already!" in a world that should be full of decent people and equality. So, I'm an optimist. Must be all that "superhero stuff" I apparently occupy all my time with. Sue me.

As for the post you linked to? Irrelevant to me. Harassment is harassment, whether he's gay, bi or straight.

DUDE... I need you to send that speech to Shatner so he can read it on Youtube. It was a work of art. RISK IS OUR BUSINESS awesome.

I LOVED IT!!!

 

[primetime]

And this stops her...how?

Say something loud and very vocal to a woman in a public setting and embarrassing her. This leads to confrontation. A confrontation you must have. Because once you vocally express your displeasure in front of witnesses, if she continues, she screws herself if she keeps "bothering him". You call unwanted attention to it.

If a MAN can't stop a woman who is not physically more intimidating than him from touching him, makes you wonder. You make that comment as though this guy is powerless. The OP went to the management already and she still does it. Take matter into your own hands, without violence, and STAND UP FOR YOURSELF. You are supposed to be a MAN. The part that is confusing is that he says she's attractive. It makes me scratch my head when some people are upset over some posts that indicate he should have sex with her. She's ATTRACTIVE.

Totally different story if this woman is BIGGER than him. Then there would be a fear factor of her. Physical intimidation is hard to overcome, but that doesn't seem to be the case. Instead of being a "man" and getting her to stop, he is asking GUYS for advice. What do you think guys will say? This shouldn't be a shock. She is not physically harming him. She is not grabbing his ass, genitals, nipples, or any other sexual areas. She is touching him. Stand up for yourself and get her to stop.

 

[SlaverTickler]

Say something loud and very vocal to a woman in a public setting and embarrassing her. This leads to confrontation. A confrontation you must have. Because once you vocally express your displeasure in front of witnesses, if she continues, she screws herself if she keeps "bothering him". You call unwanted attention to it.

If a MAN can't stop a woman who is not physically more intimidating than him from touching him, makes you wonder. You make that comment as though this guy is powerless. The OP went to the management already and she still does it. Take matter into your own hands, without violence, and STAND UP FOR YOURSELF. You are supposed to be a MAN. The part that is confusing is that he says she's attractive. It makes me scratch my head when some people are upset over some posts that indicate he should have sex with her. She's ATTRACTIVE.

Totally different story if this woman is BIGGER than him. Then there would be a fear factor of her. Physical intimidation is hard to overcome, but that doesn't seem to be the case. Instead of being a "man" and getting her to stop, he is asking GUYS for advice. What do you think guys will say? This shouldn't be a shock. She is not physically harming him. She is not grabbing his ass, genitals, nipples, or any other sexual areas. She is touching him. Stand up for yourself and get her to stop.

In this day and age, he's more likely to get in trouble for causing a disruption in the work place. Considering his employers attitude towards his harassment complaint he could find himself fired for harassing her instead. I told him to use this as a last resort in a PM. Keeping a record of what's going, and going up the chain of command is probably the best advice he's gotten.

 

[Cosmo_ac]

Say something loud and very vocal to a woman in a public setting and embarrassing her. This leads to confrontation. A confrontation you must have. Because once you vocally express your displeasure in front of witnesses, if she continues, she screws herself if she keeps "bothering him". You call unwanted attention to it.

He has already been vocal and told her to stop, and gone to his management. She should already be screwed. At this point we don't know if he has told to her stop with witnesses, though.

If a MAN can't stop a woman who is not physically more intimidating than him from touching him, makes you wonder. You make that comment as though this guy is powerless. The OP went to the management already and she still does it. Take matter into your own hands, without violence, and STAND UP FOR YOURSELF. You are supposed to be a MAN.

Actually, it doesn't. Frankly, I wonder why you wonder. He has already "Manned up" and confronted her and told her to stop. If she ignores that, then he did what he is supposed to do, which is talk to a supervisor, who is obviously not on his side.

Totally different story if this woman is BIGGER than him. Then there would be a fear factor of her. Physical intimidation is hard to overcome, but that doesn't seem to be the case. Instead of being a "man" and getting her to stop, he is asking GUYS for advice. What do you think guys will say? This shouldn't be a shock. She is not physically harming him. She is not grabbing his ass, genitals, nipples, or any other sexual areas. She is touching him. Stand up for yourself and get her to stop.

You must have little understanding of the workplace if you think intimidation is limited to physical assault. He tried the methods work places tend to recommend, ie, inform the person that such behaviour is unacceptable/offensive, and then report it to a supervisor/manager if said behaviour continues. He asked advice when this failed, which makes perfect sense, because believe it or not, there are people out there who have had to deal with this shit before. The women is either sexually harassing him, or assaulting him. Neither activities tend to be welcome in a business setting.

All that being said, last we heard from him, he had confronted her again, and she had stopped. So, I guess we'll just have to see if anything happens next.

 

[SlaverTickler]

@ Prime Time
You have to realize we live in an age where a woman can glue your ball sack to you thighs and only get 1 year probation.

 

[Wolf]

@ Prime Time
You have to realize we live in an age where a woman can glue your ball sack to you thighs and only get 1 year probation.

You're absolutely right, ST. It's a jungle out there for a guy, what with women constantly putting defenseless men into the ER for no good reason, and all those cases of female High School and College athletes raping defenseless boys, filming it, and getting off with no punishment to speak of (or at least delayed until after the season).

 

[SlaverTickler]

You're absolutely right, ST. It's a jungle out there for a guy, what with women constantly putting defenseless men into the ER for no good reason, and all those cases of female High School and College athletes raping defenseless boys, filming it, and getting off with no punishment to speak of (or at least delayed until after the season).

Not familiar with that last part. I do know they suspended the entire U of T hockey team over an (as of yet) unproven rape accusation. The lads in question I could understand, but the entire team. Sorry, not right.

I suspect that last bit was sarcasm on your part. And it was uncalled for considering nobody here is condoning rape. Now if you'd like to explain to me why few, if any, women ever go to prison for falsely accusing men of that act I am all ears.

 

[primetime]

He has already been vocal and told her to stop, and gone to his management. She should already be screwed. At this point we don't know if he has told to her stop with witnesses, though.



Actually, it doesn't. Frankly, I wonder why you wonder. He has already "Manned up" and confronted her and told her to stop. If she ignores that, then he did what he is supposed to do, which is talk to a supervisor, who is obviously not on his side.



You must have little understanding of the workplace if you think intimidation is limited to physical assault. He tried the methods work places tend to recommend, ie, inform the person that such behaviour is unacceptable/offensive, and then report it to a supervisor/manager if said behaviour continues. He asked advice when this failed, which makes perfect sense, because believe it or not, there are people out there who have had to deal with this shit before. The women is either sexually harassing him, or assaulting him. Neither activities tend to be welcome in a business setting.

All that being said, last we heard from him, he had confronted her again, and she had stopped. So, I guess we'll just have to see if anything happens next.

Here's the issue. This guy has not stated he made his "confrontations" to her as being ASSERTIVE. He has even said he is a quiet PASSIVE guy. If his management and his co-workers are telling him it is no big deal, that means we have witnesses to the touching. Meaning, this touching is touching, NOT SEXUAL touching, but touching. The OP has stated he doesn't like to be touched by anyone, so I highly doubt this woman is SEXUALLY harassing him, just harassing because he doesn't like it.

This is why I am saying he needs to be ASSERTIVE in his encounters with her. He is probably very meek in his complaints meaning she or anyone else do not realize just how sensitive, I mean, bothered by the touching. MAN UP and tell the woman to leave you the fuck alone. Be loud. Be assertive in your voice. If he does it loud enough, she and others will realize that he is really pissed about it. I honestly do not think the others realize how serious he is, they think he is just being "cranky".

To the OP and the others, you need to grow a pair and get this smaller woman to stop touching you. Stand up for yourself. You don't have to be physical with her. But you could be more assertive in your complaints.

So Cosmo, you also need to realize that this guy is not being assertive. Why do you think he was told to "check the contents of his scrotum"? This is not a situation where the woman has any real physical or mental intimidation. He is a man for crying out loud. Be a man, and get some woman to stop messing with you. Period. Ever hear of the saying that you have to stand up to bullies?

 

[SlaverTickler]

Here's the issue. This guy has not stated he made his "confrontations" to her as being ASSERTIVE. He has even said he is a quiet PASSIVE guy. If his management and his co-workers are telling him it is no big deal, that means we have witnesses to the touching. Meaning, this touching is touching, NOT SEXUAL touching, but touching. The OP has stated he doesn't like to be touched by anyone, so I highly doubt this woman is SEXUALLY harassing him, just harassing because he doesn't like it.

This is why I am saying he needs to be ASSERTIVE in his encounters with her. He is probably very meek in his complaints meaning she or anyone else do not realize just how sensitive, I mean, bothered by the touching. MAN UP and tell the woman to leave you the fuck alone. Be loud. Be assertive in your voice. If he does it loud enough, she and others will realize that he is really pissed about it. I honestly do not think the others realize how serious he is, they think he is just being "cranky".

To the OP and the others, you need to grow a pair and get this smaller woman to stop touching you. Stand up for yourself. You don't have to be physical with her. But you could be more assertive in your complaints.

So Cosmo, you also need to realize that this guy is not being assertive. Why do you think he was told to "check the contents of his scrotum"? This is not a situation where the woman has any real physical or mental intimidation. He is a man for crying out loud. Be a man, and get some woman to stop messing with you. Period. Ever hear of the saying that you have to stand up to bullies?

Sorry PT, but unwanted touching, is still unwanted touching, and the fact that he works with a bunch of ass holes who aren't backing him up doesn't make it any less wrong. He has made it clear that he doesn't like what she is doing, and has passed it on to his employer who's basically blown of his complaint. He's done everything he is obligated to do. She is being abusive and we should be supportive of him, no differently then if it was happening to a female forum member.

As I've said before, this double standard keeps many men trapped in abusive relationships.

 

[Wolf]

Not familiar with that last part. I do know they suspended the entire U of T hockey team over an (as of yet) unproven rape accusation. The lads in question I could understand, but the entire team. Sorry, not right.

I suspect that last bit was sarcasm on your part. And it was uncalled for considering nobody here is condoning rape. Now if you'd like to explain to me why few, if any, women ever go to prison for falsely accusing men of that act I am all ears.

1. The "lads" in question (lovable, spirited scamps that they are) weren't the only ones who knew about it. A number of the other players (if not all) and the coach knew, and did nothing, so the University deemed it a systemic problem with the team. Go figure.

2. Few, if any women go to trial for false accusations of rape because they're difficult to prosecute (intent is hard to prove) and our prisons are already overcrowded. Lots of people commit crimes and don't go to prison.

I'm not accusing anyone of condoning rape. I am accusing you of trying once again to turn a thread into another shrill MRA screed. You're like a Bizarro world version of Andrea Dworkin.

 

[SlaverTickler]

1. The "lads" in question (lovable, spirited scamps that they are) weren't the only ones who knew about it. A number of the other players (if not all) and the coach knew, and did nothing, so the University deemed it a systemic problem with the team. Go figure.

2. Few, if any women go to trial for false accusations of rape because they're difficult to prosecute (intent is hard to prove) and our prisons are already overcrowded. Lots of people commit crimes and don't go to prison.

I'm not accusing anyone of condoning rape. I am accusing you of trying once again to turn a thread into another shrill MRA screed. You're like a Bizarro world version of Andrea Dworkin.

Andrea Dworkin once said "I want to see a man beaten to a bloody pulp, with a high heel shoe shoved in his mouth like an apple in the mouth of a pig." I have never endorsed violence against women. I simply stand against radical feminists groups who use tax money to promote anti-male sentiment, while men like Earl Silverman couldn't get a dime for his shelter for male victims of abuse. For the record he was good friends with Erin Pizzey who built the first women's shelter in the UK, and was ashamed of how the Canadian Government failed to help him even though a survey proved a mere 1% difference between male and female victims of spouse abuse. Further more the real reason why women don't go to jail for false accusations of rape is because the radical feminist groups don't think it's a crime, in fact some believe "men should consider it a learning experiece" (I believe Jilly Cooper said that) and would most likely protest the court were her trial was held at.

Long live the prejudice of lower expectations, you are obviously quite fond of it. Weren't you trying to prevent an MRA rant? Live and learn Wolf.

ST

 

[coldneck]

Say something loud and very vocal to a woman in a public setting and embarrassing her. This leads to confrontation. A confrontation you must have. Because once you vocally express your displeasure in front of witnesses, if she continues, she screws herself if she keeps "bothering him". You call unwanted attention to it.

If a MAN can't stop a woman who is not physically more intimidating than him from touching him, makes you wonder. You make that comment as though this guy is powerless. The OP went to the management already and she still does it. Take matter into your own hands, without violence, and STAND UP FOR YOURSELF. You are supposed to be a MAN. The part that is confusing is that he says she's attractive. It makes me scratch my head when some people are upset over some posts that indicate he should have sex with her. She's ATTRACTIVE.

Totally different story if this woman is BIGGER than him. Then there would be a fear factor of her. Physical intimidation is hard to overcome, but that doesn't seem to be the case. Instead of being a "man" and getting her to stop, he is asking GUYS for advice. What do you think guys will say? This shouldn't be a shock. She is not physically harming him. She is not grabbing his ass, genitals, nipples, or any other sexual areas. She is touching him. Stand up for yourself and get her to stop.

THIS^ is very strong and SOLID Advice.

MAN-ing up and taking control of the situation ... Commands RESPECT, SIR !!!

Once that is established, everything else falls into place.

'Nuff Said. Carry on, and #notips bros.

 

[SlaverTickler]

THIS^ is very strong and SOLID Advice.

MAN-ing up and taking control of the situation ... Commands RESPECT, SIR !!!

Once that is established, everything else falls into place.

'Nuff Said. Carry on, and #notips bros.

Yep, sound advice, until she uses it against him in a harassment complaint. And if you think she won't you're dead wrong.

 

[primetime]

Yep, sound advice, until she uses it against him in a harassment complaint. And if you think she won't you're dead wrong.

But this is where you are wrong. HOW can she use it against him? He has already notified management. All his co-workers know about the situation. Everyone is telling him to not make a big deal out of it, including management. So if he yells at her for her to STOP TOUCHING him, what could she possibly complain about? Management already knows she "started" everything AND his outburst is something SHE is doing.

Men need to stop being pussies and fear what a woman can do. Yes, there is a double standard. But in this situation, the OP has not indicated he STRONGFULLY told her to stop. His "confrontation" probably went something like this....

"Um, Sally, you know, it is flattering that you want to touch me, but could you please, pretty please stop doing it? It kind of makes me...um, feel, uncomfortable.."

"Sally, I told you this bothers me. Could you, not touch me anymore. Please Sally, I don't like being touched..."

INSTEAD OF.....

"Sally, WILL YOU STOP TOUCHING ME! I DON'T LIKE IT. IF YOU DON'T STOP DOING IT, THEN I WILL GO TO MANAGEMENT. WHY DO YOU KEEP TOUCHING ME? JUST STOP!"

Tone of voice plays a huge part. The OP already stated he is "quiet and passive", which means whatever he told her had ZERO force behind it. Yes, here is the double standard part. A woman may not forcefully give a strong tone of voice. However, if a man is PHYSICALLY more intimidating than the woman (body size), his tone of voice, a strong one, should do the trick. That is why the OP needs to be a MAN. This woman is not physically hurting him. This is not a case of "battered male" syndrome where he is physically abused and can't do anything physically back.

The OP also gave the description of her being ATTRACTIVE, meaning she is physically attractive to him. If a physically attractive woman is touching him, and he doesn't like it at all, then there may be other issues he has to worry about. Why am I pointing this out? If he left out the word ATTRACTIVE, then her physical look wouldn't be a part of this discussion. But he brought it in, so be prepared to deal with that aspect.

Sorry to be so "against" the OP, but let's review the facts:

1) The OP says he is a "quiet and passive" guy
2) An ATTRACTIVE woman is touching/tickling him and he tells a bunch of tickle fetishists this..
3) He doesn't describe what type of touching it is. For all we know it could be touching his knuckle on his hand
4) He went to management and they said "it is no big deal". In this day and age of lawsuits, the management doesn't seem concerned about this "touching"
5) His co-workers also told him to "not make a big deal" out of it. Another indicator that this touching is not as heinous as people think.
6) He has confronted her, but no real indication of how he presented it to her. He even says she shrugged it off. That means, he wasn't exactly taking a NEGATIVE tone with her.


This woman is not PHYSICALLY intimidating, nor PHYSICALLY hurting him. This is not "battered male" syndrome. If a "man" can't stop a physically weaker, and the woman is not physically harming him, then he does need to check the contents of his scrotum and tell this woman/bitch to stop touching him. Be a MAN. There is no reason in the world why this should continue. She can't go to management with a complaint unless he is physical with her or his choice of words is crude. Tell her to stop what she is doing loudly enough to the point of making a scene, she can't do anything. He already ran to management with the story. She doesn't have a leg to stand on.

MAN UP

 

[The_Kev]

Nobody has the right to put their hands on you without your consent, period. It doesn't matter of other people "think" your making a big deal out of nothing, it isn't nothing to you. I would talk to HR about it, but more than that, you are completely in the right and she, and tour managers completely in the wrong. A thousand of my coworkers could think that calling me "cutie pie" is harmless and no big deal, it doesn't matter, its offensive to 'me'.

 

[SlaverTickler]

But this is where you are wrong. HOW can she use it against him? He has already notified management. All his co-workers know about the situation. Everyone is telling him to not make a big deal out of it, including management. So if he yells at her for her to STOP TOUCHING him, what could she possibly complain about? Management already knows she "started" everything AND his outburst is something SHE is doing.

Men need to stop being pussies and fear what a woman can do. Yes, there is a double standard. But in this situation, the OP has not indicated he STRONGFULLY told her to stop. His "confrontation" probably went something like this....

"Um, Sally, you know, it is flattering that you want to touch me, but could you please, pretty please stop doing it? It kind of makes me...um, feel, uncomfortable.."

"Sally, I told you this bothers me. Could you, not touch me anymore. Please Sally, I don't like being touched..."

INSTEAD OF.....

"Sally, WILL YOU STOP TOUCHING ME! I DON'T LIKE IT. IF YOU DON'T STOP DOING IT, THEN I WILL GO TO MANAGEMENT. WHY DO YOU KEEP TOUCHING ME? JUST STOP!"

Tone of voice plays a huge part. The OP already stated he is "quiet and passive", which means whatever he told her had ZERO force behind it. Yes, here is the double standard part. A woman may not forcefully give a strong tone of voice. However, if a man is PHYSICALLY more intimidating than the woman (body size), his tone of voice, a strong one, should do the trick. That is why the OP needs to be a MAN. This woman is not physically hurting him. This is not a case of "battered male" syndrome where he is physically abused and can't do anything physically back.

The OP also gave the description of her being ATTRACTIVE, meaning she is physically attractive to him. If a physically attractive woman is touching him, and he doesn't like it at all, then there may be other issues he has to worry about. Why am I pointing this out? If he left out the word ATTRACTIVE, then her physical look wouldn't be a part of this discussion. But he brought it in, so be prepared to deal with that aspect.

Sorry to be so "against" the OP, but let's review the facts:

1) The OP says he is a "quiet and passive" guy
2) An ATTRACTIVE woman is touching/tickling him and he tells a bunch of tickle fetishists this..
3) He doesn't describe what type of touching it is. For all we know it could be touching his knuckle on his hand
4) He went to management and they said "it is no big deal". In this day and age of lawsuits, the management doesn't seem concerned about this "touching"
5) His co-workers also told him to "not make a big deal" out of it. Another indicator that this touching is not as heinous as people think.
6) He has confronted her, but no real indication of how he presented it to her. He even says she shrugged it off. That means, he wasn't exactly taking a NEGATIVE tone with her.


This woman is not PHYSICALLY intimidating, nor PHYSICALLY hurting him. This is not "battered male" syndrome. If a "man" can't stop a physically weaker, and the woman is not physically harming him, then he does need to check the contents of his scrotum and tell this woman/bitch to stop touching him. Be a MAN. There is no reason in the world why this should continue. She can't go to management with a complaint unless he is physical with her or his choice of words is crude. Tell her to stop what she is doing loudly enough to the point of making a scene, she can't do anything. He already ran to management with the story. She doesn't have a leg to stand on.

MAN UP

2 words PT, Double Standard. A person doesn't have to be bigger. In fact when it comes to Females being in any way agressive with a male he is automatically disadvantaged because men "can't be victims" just ask any member of N.O.W.

 

[primetime]

I am getting the feeling that instead of this guy getting a set of balls and handling his business, it seems as though people want to show how much of a double standard there is in the workplace and would love to make this guy an example of that double standard.

The OP needs to grow a pair and stand up for himself. How on this planet is he allowing this attractive woman to control his emotions and his comfort level at work, I will never know. The obvious sign is the management and co-workers all see what is taking place and they are telling him to not make a big deal out of it. Meaning, she is not doing anything really crazy so he needs to man up and handle his business. This is not a good example to show the double standard. This is an example of a male not being man enough to control his situation.

 

[SlaverTickler]

I am getting the feeling that instead of this guy getting a set of balls and handling his business, it seems as though people want to show how much of a double standard there is in the workplace and would love to make this guy an example of that double standard.

The OP needs to grow a pair and stand up for himself. How on this planet is he allowing this attractive woman to control his emotions and his comfort level at work, I will never know. The obvious sign is the management and co-workers all see what is taking place and they are telling him to not make a big deal out of it. Meaning, she is not doing anything really crazy so he needs to man up and handle his business. This is not a good example to show the double standard. This is an example of a male not being man enough to control his situation.

I PMed him similar advice about being verbally assertive, but I told him to use it as a last resort. Nobody he works with seems interested in backing him up. In fact some have asked him why he is complaining. All thing being equal I would agree 100% but that's not how it is. There are women who think it's great to sucker a guy in, an then file a complaint. Used to work at a place that had a woman just like that. She couldn't get me, but she got allot of guys fired.

 

[Cosmo_ac]

Here's the issue. This guy has not stated he made his "confrontations" to her as being ASSERTIVE. He has even said he is a quiet PASSIVE guy. If his management and his co-workers are telling him it is no big deal, that means we have witnesses to the touching. Meaning, this touching is touching, NOT SEXUAL touching, but touching. The OP has stated he doesn't like to be touched by anyone, so I highly doubt this woman is SEXUALLY harassing him, just harassing because he doesn't like it.

This is why I am saying he needs to be ASSERTIVE in his encounters with her. He is probably very meek in his complaints meaning she or anyone else do not realize just how sensitive, I mean, bothered by the touching. MAN UP and tell the woman to leave you the fuck alone. Be loud. Be assertive in your voice. If he does it loud enough, she and others will realize that he is really pissed about it. I honestly do not think the others realize how serious he is, they think he is just being "cranky".

No means no, Prime. Perhaps you don't understand that, or maybe don't want to. The point, which you seem to be missing, is that the OP told this person to stop touching him. That should be the end of it there, but obviously she disregarded his request for her to respect him and his wishes.

The OP went and told his supervisor/manager about this. That is a very strong and assertive position to take. In most businesses, and with common sense, if a person goes to their supervisor and makes a complain, they are being plenty assertive. This is not some guy moaning in the cafeteria to his buddies, or posting on his blog. This is about as formal and assertive a complaint as there needs to be. It is shocking, especially in this day and age, that his supervisor/manager waved it off. In my old job, if this had been reported, the women would have been called into the office in a heart beat.

To the OP and the others, you need to grow a pair and get this smaller woman to stop touching you. Stand up for yourself. You don't have to be physical with her. But you could be more assertive in your complaints.

So Cosmo, you also need to realize that this guy is not being assertive. Why do you think he was told to "check the contents of his scrotum"? This is not a situation where the woman has any real physical or mental intimidation. He is a man for crying out loud. Be a man, and get some woman to stop messing with you. Period. Ever hear of the saying that you have to stand up to bullies?

I agree, standing up for yourself is important, which the OP did, by first expressing his displeasure to the women, and then reporting it to the person above him. This is not a man-up problem anymore then it is a women problem. A man need question his masculinity no more then a women need wonder if she led a man on who was touching her because she dressed a certain way. The fact is, that this is a HUMAN problem. I don't always agree with slaver, but he's right, that if a women told a man to stop touching her, and reported it, it would likely be a different story. There are some double standards that at least make some form of sense. This is not one of them.

What it basically boils down to is that one person is making another person feel uncomfortable in the workplace. Sometimes this can't be helped, but in the case where one person is constantly touching another, it sure as fuck can. How about you, and those like you, accept the fact that "Being a man" is not some core set of beliefs or values that somebody (who was it exactly?) decided to impose on the male race based on some notion they knew what it was to be a man?