Important Reading - Please Play Safe!

[WallStreet]

A sad fact is that you could even be attacked by someone you've known for years.
Talking on the phone is no where near enough. If you're going to put yourself in a position where you are helpless, bound, tied, or whatever, you'd better damn well be sure that you can trust the person.
It is unfortunate that QB's friend had this bad experience. I can remember the same thing happening to another female member about a year ago. If QB's friend had read those posts she probably would have been a bit wiser.
There are long time members of this forum all over the country. With all of these established people, is there really a need to meet someone who is not a forum member?
I am as big a tickling enthusiast as anyone here, but I must say that meeting someone simply for a tickle session is a bit strange. No dinner? No hanging out before hand? No meeting in a public place?
The only times I've ever met a woman strictly for tickling was either with a dominatrix or to do a modeling shoot. And trust me, I was screened heavily.
Think of it from the sexual predator's side of things. He surfs the net looking for lonely women who are willing to be tied up by strangers. This is irresistable to the predator. He will say or do whatever he has to in order to meet this woman.
A fully grown adult shouldn't need others to post the basic rules of meeting strangers. It is all common sense. I'm sorry if I come off sounding harsh, but that's the facts. What this scumbag did to QB's friend is unforgivable, but that's the unfortunate consequences of trusting a scumbag.
I think that the tickling community has evolved enough to where we don't need to meet people outside of our circle. Then again, what do I know?

 

[aprincejfk]

I am literally sick to my stomach!! How does another human being treat another like this?! It's obvious this low life, dirt bag, scum of a man needs a lesson of hard knocks! My anger is at a point in which words can't describe! QB, please send my most sincere regards to our "sister".

 

[Phineas]

...and they said I was crazy for holding this as a concern.

Where are all those folks who told me I was a paranoid loon in that "Fortune Favors the Bold" thread now, hmm?

Still think my concerns weren't valid?

 

[josie]

yes.. mistakes were made

I want to point out something that might be obvious, but is not getting mentioned.

Regardless of the mistake in judgment this person made, what this person has been told about being careful, etc, it is NOT her fault. I know no one says it is, but we have to remember these things. I have been lucky enough to never be in this situation, but it could have easily been me.

I had been emailing with The Recycler for a few months before we met... and the first time we met, we did meet in public... but the very next weekend, we went to Friendly's and back to his apartment. It could have easily happened to me if he was that kind of person. I lucked out...

I sincerely hope this person decides to report this guy, even if it's just to know that she didn't just silently take it in the end... and hopefully will prevent the scumbag from doing it to someone else.

Josie

 

[bticklishfeet]

QBWeaver please tell your friend that I am sorry that this happened to her, Thank God she is still alive!!!!!I wish that you would post the safety thing you mentioned in another post. I think both me and women should play it safe. Meet in a public place and let someone know or take someone with you to meet them. This could happen to anyone of us, people be careful! 🙁 She is in my prayers. Let her know that please. Thanks

 

[Jamandi]

I'm very sorry to hear that this happened to your friend QBWeaver. Josie is right; it isn't her fault. I'm not sure exactly what happened to her but don't let her feel guilty about it. She has enough emotional healing to do without her worrying about things that aren't her fault. Easier said then done I know but I wish her the best. Like I said before, do you blame the person with money hanging out of his pockets or the person robbing him?

-Jamandi-

 

[He-Man]

Re: Re: Just how/when should privacy occur?

Fellas, answer me on this please: when you've met a new lady, how long should she know you before being alone with you 😕 ?

Bella

Well unless she's a black belt in Kung Fu or somthing I would highly suggest she gets to know the person and the people the guy hangs and associates with before deciding to be alone with him. It's just as important to know his friends to.
[/B][/QUOTE]

And I'd like to add that even if a person (man or woman) IS a black-belt or a rank equal to it in some martial art...even THAT isn't gonna prevent something from happening to you..especially with all the "McDojos" ( martial arts schools that teach pretty much just for money and help you get no real skill) out there. If you don't have the right training, (which should include being aware and realistic fights ) , you'll have alot less chance of surviving.

Self-defense includes being aware....even martial arts "black-belts" have gotten their butts kicked by "guys who don't know anything". Why?Because most of the time, they've been taken by surprise.

I'm a brown-belt in karate, and I wouldn't want to be alone with someone unless I got to know them real well. It's worth it to take a few extra days, weeks, years, whatever, to get to know the person if it means you won't get hurt.

As for how long you ladies should wait...I don't know. Depends on how long it takes for you to be able to really trust the guy, I guess.Better safe than sorry, right?

 

[bticklishfeet]

Re: Re: Re: Just how/when should privacy occur?

Well unless she's a black belt in Kung Fu or somthing I would highly suggest she gets to know the person and the people the guy hangs and associates with before deciding to be alone with him. It's just as important to know his friends to.

And I'd like to add that even if a person (man or woman) IS a black-belt or a rank equal to it in some martial art...even THAT isn't gonna prevent something from happening to you..especially with all the "McDojos" ( martial arts schools that teach pretty much just for money and help you get no real skill) out there. If you don't have the right training, (which should include being aware and realistic fights ) , you'll have alot less chance of surviving.

Self-defense includes being aware....even martial arts "black-belts" have gotten their butts kicked by "guys who don't know anything". Why?Because most of the time, they've been taken by surprise.

I'm a brown-belt in karate, and I wouldn't want to be alone with someone unless I got to know them real well. It's worth it to take a few extra days, weeks, years, whatever, to get to know the person if it means you won't get hurt.

As for how long you ladies should wait...I don't know. Depends on how long it takes for you to be able to really trust the guy, I guess.Better safe than sorry, right?





[/B][/QUOTE]
You're so right He-man. Better safe than sorry! I wish the girl a full recovery, and I hope that she get's some help with this to. Wishing her well!🙂

 

[He-Man]

Perhaps if he is tracked down, some of the guys on this forum could pose as a singular female to arrange a meeting with him, and then give him a taste of having his trust exploited.

Only one problem with that....the group of guys, would end up in jail with him...for attacking him. Yeah, I want to seriously beat this guy into the ground too, but at the same time, I wouldn't want to risk being the one put in jail while he gets to go free(and I'm sure his lawyer or whoever will try to make him look like a victim rather than a criminal).

Better idea would be to do whatever you can (legally) to get all the proof you can that this guy did ..what he did. At least that way, the person that DESERVES to go to jail has a better chance of doing just that.

 

[terorizer]

Re: Just how/when should privacy occur?

In most instances, it is almost impossible to overstate the importance of being safe and that's certainly the case here. Nevertheless, I feel the greater issue here is someone in our community, someone who is has a personal relationship with many here, has been set up and had their trust abused and violated. As Bella mentioned, tickling could easily be taken out of the equation, but there is still a valued member of the community who has been injured. As was mentioned, this person is no stranger to meeting folks and playing, so in truth, given the nature of this attack, it could have easily been you or I. Though I'm sure we can all appreciate the efforts of safety, I think the efforts are best spent in support of our friend, sending all of our good intentions her way. I just don't want the thread to come across like there was something this person "omitted" in screening this man.

Having read this and the other posts, I have a question: how long should you know someone before being alone with them?

Fellas, answer me on this please: when you've met a new lady, how long should she know you before being alone with you 😕 ?

Bella

I take this as to mean "you fellas" not inclusive. I really don't feel there's a way to quantify the amount of time a woman (in this instance, but really anyone) should know a man before being alone with him. One meeting, two meetings, 3, etc., it really depends on HOW those meetings go. Most of us can communicate more than one great experience which occurred on a first meeting. Personally, I've never met a woman for tickling. There have been many instances where the first time I met a woman, tickling occurred, completely spontaneously.

 

[terorizer]

Re: yes.. mistakes were made

I want to point out something that might be obvious, but is not getting mentioned.

Regardless of the mistake in judgment this person made, what this person has been told about being careful, etc, it is NOT her fault. I know no one says it is, but we have to remember these things. I have been lucky enough to never be in this situation, but it could have easily been me.

I had been emailing with The Recycler for a few months before we met... and the first time we met, we did meet in public... but the very next weekend, we went to Friendly's and back to his apartment. It could have easily happened to me if he was that kind of person. I lucked out...

I sincerely hope this person decides to report this guy, even if it's just to know that she didn't just silently take it in the end... and hopefully will prevent the scumbag from doing it to someone else.

Josie

Oooops! When I started my post, this hadn't been written yet! :- )

 

[Havsoker]

Jan,

I am angered by this event, not as a man, but as a human being!!

Trust!!!
I believe that this is a most critical element in any human relationship.
Trust should be earned!
Trust should be honored!
It should be an honor to be trusted!
It isn't about you, but the person who confers that trust!
Violate that trust and you cause more injury than you can imagine.
Violate that trust and you lose more than you can imagine.

I do believe that you reap what you sow and I am confident that this..................gentleman (a wish, not a fact!!)......will face the consequences of this hideous deed!

Please let your friend know that my thoughts are with her as she embarks on her road to physical and emotional recovery.

Hav

 

[ShiningIce]

This is why I stick to gatherings. Its just plane safer. This dick has probably ruined this poor woman's love of tickling.............Sad that there are people like this in the world. 😡 🙁

 

[ticklemonster99]

What happenned???

sorry i haven't kept up on things but what happenned? who got hurt? and does anyone know by who? was it a member of the TMF? i just saw the thread and i'm disgusted and pissed off. if there is anything i hate is a guy that abuses/beats women. i hope the police get this guy, but only after the guys on this site get him first...then some inmate can make him his b*tch for life!!

but ladies, please be careful about who you meet. not everyone is a maniac, but unfortunately all of the assholes don't come with a label. i hope the person hurt can recover and someday still trust those around her. i'd love to have a few minutes alone with this guy...this sucks.

 

[lust4feet]

I'm so sorry to hear about this horrible incident, please send along my thoughts for a speedy recovery! With her situation, and how you described it, she should bring this matter to the authorities, if not so already....

While I respect each and everyone's privacy, does anyone other than myself feel it is necessary to expose this individual if he indeed is a member of TMF? If anything, he definitely should be banned 😡

 

[asutickler]

This is truly sad and terrible news. My heart goes out to the victim of this heinous attack, and I hope that the perpetrator who abused this woman's trust is found and punished HARSHLY. The thought of some putrid preadatory FILTH stalking and taking advantage of the good people of this community makes me absolutely sick.

Hopefully, this tragedy will serve as a grim reminder of the degree of caution required in advancing any relationship from the relatively safe confines of the internet to to the perilous arena of "real life." It is my sincerest hope that some small measure of good can come out of this horrible event, and that it will be the last of its kind to EVER occur to this wonderful community.

God's blessings upon the victim, those helping her in her hour of need, and those persuing the perpetrator of this vile act.

Oh, and Jan? Even though I've only actually met you once, I would be hard pressed to think of a person better suited to assisting someone through such an awful time. You've got a unique combination of compassion, toughness, brains and wit, and whomever it was that this happened to, they are fortunate to have a friend like you.

 

[QBWeaver]

Thanks everyone for the heartful wishes for a speedy recovery for her. She's been reading these and/or I've kept her advised of your comments.

We all know that playing safe is of paramount importance. And as Josie said "it was not her fault". This guy is a jerk who will see his day in court hopefully. I'm a believer that what goes around, comes around. Somehow, someday, he'll get his.

And for those who are inquiring who this happened too, I will not share that information. That's her business. I got her permission to post this message just to raise the awareness in this community that we all need to ensure our safety. Her experience was a terrifying one that I don't want anyone else to have to suffer through. Hopefully this will plant a seed in each of us to remember to Play Safe. This can happen to the newest member of our group or to what I would call "seasoned veterans". No one is 100% safe.

So just... Take care of yourself. We care!

 

[cleopatra2003]

Angry! And no it isn't your friends fault!

QB thanks for posting this and letting us be aware of this. After reading this,started me thinking. It has scared me to the point that I don't think I want to met anyone off line now🙁 I know things like this can happen given any type of situation like going to a club dancing out to dinner? But this is not the first online tragedy I've heard about.
So ladies and for the guys too, like you've read. Be safe!

Please tell you friend, that this was not her fault! I was raped by a family friend and I know first hand how you feel like it was your fault! it took me a long time to get over this, and still I am not 100% when it comes to a relationship of any kind. I don't trust men now🙁 I have to work out my demons and she will have to also. Give her a hug for me and tell her she isn't alone!Take care of yourself!!! We do care!!!!! And thank her God that she is alive!!!!!!
People please be safe!

 

[BellaRisa]

Re: Angry! And no it isn't your friends fault!

QB thanks for posting this and letting us be aware of this. After reading this,started me thinking. It has scared me to the point that I don't think I want to met anyone off line now🙁 I know things like this can happen given any type of situation like going to a club dancing out to dinner? But this is not the first online tragedy I've heard about.
So ladies and for the guys too, like you've read. Be safe!



Hi all,

Cleopatra, I'm so sorry for what happened to you, and I hope that you heal as best you can; the same for the lady about whom this thread was begun. But I'm glad you touched on the matter of the circumstances under which these things can happen. Meeting any new person has its dangers, whether you met them online or at the supermarket. For every cautionary tale we hear about meetings gone awry, there are countless wonderful relationships begun online that go unannounced; the same goes for personal ads and such (remember dating before the 'net? 🙄 ) Heck, my main play partner and business partner-and one of my dearest friends-was alone with me very shortly after he came to my first Mid West NEST. I had every precaution I know of in place, but I'm still lucky and grateful that he's the sweet and safe person that he is.

We meet someone, go out a few times and chat online and over the phone, and eventually we're alone with them if they've been personable and 'normal' in public. I just don't know many people of either sex that meet someone's entire family and all of their friends and check on history of abuse before being with them privately-perhaps we should for our safety, but it's a rare thing indeed. And even if we do, there can be things we don't discover. From what I know of what happened here, this man was recommended through a known person from the community, and seemed just fine over the phone and in public. His change behind closed doors was terrible but I suspect would have happened no matter how long she waited before agreeing to play.

Be safe, friends, but remember this can happen no matter how well you think you know someone or how you meet them.

Bella

 

[vegasfootboy]

sad sad sad : (

it is this kind of thing that ruins it for the rest of us guys out there that treat women with the respect they deserve.. the fact is that you can never be too safe, even though i am 6-4 and strongly built, i always take precautions before meeting with someone for the first time,, i meet them in a well lit and very public place first , then after a long conversation if i feel good about the initial encounter and the tickle vibe is really strong between us then ill think of a way to have a little fun without going ouside of the " safe zone " most of the time we will sit in one of our cars,, ( i always offer to sit in her car cause being in her car usually makes her feel more comfortable,, then once in the car we can indulge in a lil foot tickling. to anyone walking by it just looks like too people in a car talking ,, at least that way you are still in a public place for safety reasons and if you want to leave you just open the door and jump out,, im sure some will find fault with this but its the safest way i have found,, it just kills me that some idiot would take advantage in that way,, i thank god she is alive,,,

 

[SmileyTkls]

To add my sympathies and condolences...

...I'd just like to say that I, too, am heartsick and sorry for the woman who was assaulted, as well as all the other women and men who've suffered similar attacks and degredations at cruel peoples' hands. I've been super-fortunate that I've honestly enjoyed meeting all the folks I have taken a shine to online in person, QB, DVNC and Bella, just to name a few. I also agree that it is NONE of the victims' faults, these predators shoulder all the blame, and hopefully will be reckoned with. Please do what it takes to get yourselves healthy again, even if it means leaving us without your wonderful selves. It is tragic that these things happen, but sadly they do. Protect yourselves, but there are delightful people, tickling and otherwise, in the world, and I know I'd love to keep on meeting them, on and offline.

Smiley

 

[TicklingDuo]

OK, let's try this again. My first post was worded rather strongly at points. That is because I was angry and frustrated at what happened. While I meant exactly what I said, I should clarify one thing. People being in needy or psychologicly vulnerable positions and walking into situations like this does NOT make them guilty for what was done to them. The perp is the one responsible!

There are things we can do to try to play safely. But some people, because of their histories are not entirely capable at various points of following those guidelines. I fear for them. Until they are able to learn new ways of thinking and coping (which can take a LONG time), they will remain at risk. All we can do is encourage and support them as they struggle towards wholeness...AND stand by them in ways that will encourage them towards safety.

Many here are aware that I was abused as a child and later gang raped and tortured as an adult. All perps were people I "knew well"...family members, friends of the family, long time friends. That didn't keep me safe. As a result of those events, I put myself in positions where it was likely to happen again. I didn't really WANT it to happen again. But, somewhere inside, I was convinced that the same sets of circumstances would yield different results. Placing myself back into those conditions was a way to try to figure things out. There were even times when I wished to be killed by a perp. I saw that as better than existing with the terrible pain I felt.

Fortunately, I was able to afford counselling (with help) and found someone to whom I could relate well. It took time. But, I eventually was able to move beyond things. It wasn't the time that healed things. It wasn't the endless gab sessions that healed them. It was finally coming to accept and truly believe that I wasn't responsible for the other incidents. I wasn't the guilty party. It was allowing myself to be furisous with those who'd hurt me...and say so. It was allowing myself to mourn lost innocence and then reclaim it where I could. It was a lot of love and support from others. Surrounding myself with positive people who were willing to listen and support me was a BIG help.

For anyone who finds themself in a position of sonstantly wanting to do something that they know may be unsafe, I suggest the following...

Find a friend willing to be your dom (so to speak) as far as what you can do in this area. Agree to ask for permission to connect with others. This way, you have to talk about it and question whether it's really a good idea. Agree to "obey" the decision that is made together. If the decision is made to go ahead with the meet, set up something to allow more security while you meet. This way, you're still in control, while creating safeguards for yourself. It may take some discipline. But, it CAN work if you let it.

You may agree or disagree with doing this. Take it or leave it. I simply offer it in loving concern for all who may read it. Be safe!

Ann

 

[shotglass8]

Terrible

I feel so bad that someone has been hurt by trying to have fun with like-minded individuals. It's so sad that a couple of evil, and I stress they are evil, can stop and even set back any progress we've been able to make in using this forum as a friendly opportunity to talk with people who we do not have the ability to know in our regular lives. This forum has been wonderful, and I have had the best experiences from it, which makes me extremely lucky. I hold a deep empathy for all those who've ever had the bad experiences and hold high hopes that we emerge more friendly from these experiences. Seeing the posts from this thread, the caring and friendly individuals are rising to the top, and we will continue a great thing through this forum.

Mike

 

[QBWeaver]

Thanks Shotglass and everyone for the wonderful responses. They have warmed her soul to see how she has her "sisters" with her and all you gallant men who would stand up to that idiot. I know that when I'm with you at gatherings, or running around anywhere, I feel very safe. But I also know that safety for me if my own responsibility. She knows that too. Unfortunately she let her guard down for a moment and then found out too late that she was in trouble.

All these posts are proof positive that there are so many wonderful people in this community. We are all in this together. Unfortunately, you will always have a bad apple or two in the group. But those jerks just make it more evident how wonderful everyone else is.

We learn from this and we grow. The unfortunate situation one of us suffers through can hopefully be a lesson for someone else. If even one person is helped by this, then we've been successful.

Thank you all again for your gracious and good wishes for her. I just gotta tell you all that I think you're AWESOME! I appreciate each and every one of you more than you could ever know.

Jan

 

[tkrexx]

To our Family victim: I can't express the sorrow and even guilt I feel about your awful experience. Yes, GUILT. I feel guilty and ashamed, as I'm sure many of us do...any of us who have had the fantasy of capturing a stranger for tickle-play. I hope you can heal the wounds inside and learn to trust again. That is the true victory for you, not allowing this misbegotten mate of a mudworm to steal your identity or dignity. Take your time, but come on home.

To QB: Thanks for reporting this foul situation. Since burning at the stake is somewhat passe, perhaps eventually the toilet bug responsible for this wanton act of cruelty and desperation (Yes, DESPERATION, jerk!) can be identified to the public forum...If only for a good, old-fashioned blackballing.

To the insignificant piece of flea sh*t: Ya feel significant now? Yeah, I think you're keeping track of what's being said in this thread, and likely giggling your sick ass off. Getting alot of attention, ain't ya? That's probably giving you more of a honk-on than the actual attack. You might even be a little worried, concerned that the rest of us will ID and locate you...Busy changing all your screen-names, now? Trying to blend in with the masses? Better think about moving and changing ICQ's...If ya value what you call "a life" stay in the more urban areas, tho, where the criminals often have more rights than the victims...You get out here in the sticks, you'll find out that "He needed killin'" is a viable defense, and Big Muddy holds alot of secrets. Diseases like like you make it even more difficult for we civilized folks to enjoy something already sadly too rare. You can rot now, I'm through with you.

To Forum Members: It frightens me to think our wonderful community is being used by predators...No, that is a dignified word...Scavengers is more concise. I have no idea how, but we need to take steps to police our own, before the REAL police move in on us. I hate to say that, because it DOES mean some of our freedoms here will be forever lost...Kinda like the situation with homeland security. I'll gladly sacrifice some freedoms so I don't have to read this kind of thread again. If you have a Deity, pray.

Rxx