Marriage.. Relationship.., No..

[Angel_2]

Mitchell I do agree with GQ and Coldneck on getting started by looking for a job asap. It can't hurt, in today's world most things job related to jobs are done on the net. applying for jobs, getting your resume out there and letting employers getting to see what you bring to the table. You've got skill let people know what it is. I understand you have your hands full with moving to NY and rebuilding relationships that in the past were broken but if you've got time to post on TMF numerous times a day you've got time to go on to moster.com Jobs.com Careerbuilder.com ect. just get started and see what happens, maybe someone will find your profile and want to set up an interview WHEN you get to NY. Getting a head start on a new opportunity is never a bad thing.

 

[Angel_2]

As you've said yourself some posters might be tough on you but its not to be mean or cruel its to give you the motivation to be able to see you succeed in this new chapter of your life. We are pulling for you everyone is in your corner.

 

[Dave Pavet]

Take my wife... please! I'd rather be fat then married, but seriously... Old pervert looking for female in the tri-state area NY, PA, NJ... You seem to be a guy that dwells on the negative a lot and it's understandable with what you recently been through... I think it's time for you to look toward a new beginning. Start with something small and turn it in to something big but don't stress yourself over it!

 

[Mitchell]

Dave, thank you for your analysis. I admit that I can be very negative, and what you said about what I've been through is so true. I also agree with the idea of starting small to begin with, this is what I plan to do.

Mitch

 

[WorkInProgress]

Okay, Mitch... my turn... and I'll be brief because I know you've gotten a truckload of opinions already...

(1.) Don't even think about the idea of wanting a relationship or having a relationship. When you meet the right person, it needs to be about having a relationship with this person, not because you want to have a relationship, but because you love this person and want to be with this person.

(2.) About your father: He is who he is, and you can't make him into anybody else. All you can do is decide what relationship, if any, you want to be available to him for. Meanwhile, you must live your life with or without his having been what you would have wanted a father to be.

(3.) Prospective employers and prospective lover are both going to be more interested in giving you a chance if you come across to them as being together and emotionally complete. So anything you can do that will maximize that as a reality will help you greatly.

Okay...hope I was brief...

 

[Mitchell]

Work, thank you., I agree with what you said, and I know you mean well, and are sincere.

bill, I felt my reply to you was best off in private.

Mitch

 

[Mitchell]

As I was thinking about this thread.. the funny thing is this..

With all my bitching about my family on the forum during these years: my father, his wife, and my uncle.. all came through for me in the end. My dad has told me a thousand times that he knows I'm heartbroken over my mom passing away, but he also said that the best way for me to honor her memory, is to go on with my life. He also told me that I'm a good person, and that I deserve to be happy.

I told my dad I probably need to go for counesling., I dont deny that. When I get back to NY, I'll investigate it.

Things probably will get better when I get back to NY. I just have to get past the limbo period. In the meantime, I just have to enjoy Lancaster for what I can. The good resturants, Jim Gardner every night, my apartment. By June 1 at latest, this will all be behind me.

Mitch

 

[Mitchell]

The irony of the situation is this...

If death wasnt final and permanent.. and.. say.. for example.. death was a situation where, it was like when a relative moved far away, and they could call you, and see you, once a year, like when grandparents move.. my mom would be severely pissed at me if she knew how I'm feeling about this. Even when she was sick, she used to get upset if I just stayed in the hospital room.

I dont deal with death well. I'm the first to admit it. I posted on here in the past how when my maternal grandfather died when I was 19, I lied in bed in my grandmother's apartment for a week, staring at the ceiling, thinking his passing was only my loss. I incurred the wraith of my grandmother, and other family.

I know I will come to accept it. My internist told me two years ago that it would be hard when my mom died. Hopefuilly, the move will help in dealing with it.

Mitch

 

[coldneck]

The irony of the situation is this...

If death wasnt final and permanent.. and.. say.. for example.. death was a situation where, it was like when a relative moved far away, and they could call you, and see you, once a year, like when grandparents move.. my mom would be severely pissed at me if she knew how I'm feeling about this. Even when she was sick, she used to get upset if I just stayed in the hospital room.

[[Note from Coldneck]] I re-aligned the rest of the post to form what is, in my opinion, some pretty killer (unedited) metal lyrics:

I dont deal with death well
I'm the first to admit it
I posted on here
In the past how when
My maternal grandfather died when
I was 19,
I lied in bed in
My grandmother's apartment
For a week

Staring at the ceiling
Thinking his passing

WAS! ... Only! ... My Loss!

I
In-cured the
Wraith of


My Grandmother ...
[whispered] and other family

I know
I will come to accept it....

(solo)


Hopefuilly, the move will help in dealing with it.

Mitch

Hopefully, yes.
Realistically, no.

Like a great deceased and still-friend of mine once said, "When yer busy runnin' away from one thang, ya might run inta somethin' worst."

 

[Mitchell]

cold, if you knew anything about the history of this, (Which you dont) instead of your repeated attacks, you would understand something.

On the day my mom was diagnosed in 2010, my dad was devestated, for me.,., he wrote me an email "If something happens to your mother, I will take care of you, take that worry out of your head".

I called him, and was crying. When I thanked him,.,. his reply was "I'm not just going to let you live off me, but I'm going to help you".

Another newsflash for you, cold.. My maternal grandfather.. "took care" of my dad.

In the late 70s, when my dad was.. just a bit younger than me.,. my grandfather gave my dad a client. My dad was doing.. okay.. upper middle class. This client.. was the one who was responsible for introducing my dad to all the people he made money from in the 1980s, his ex business partner, etc. Without this client, his ex business partner, etc, my father never would have been able to afford the 5000 square foot house we lived in.

It isnt.. who opens the door for you. Its what the person does with that door when its opened. I have business ideas on my own, that my dad does not agree with. My lawyer loves one of the ideas. What I think is realistically going to happen, is that I will take a job with someone my dad knows when I get back to NY, and eventually do a business of my own. Guess what? I told my dad that if I make it decently financially, I want to take care of him.. so he doesnt have to work so hard at age 71.

If I was comfortable telling my dad about this forum, which I'm not, and he saw this thread, he would tell me that I should not have posted it, that I left myself open to attack, and that I should leave the forum.

Thats all. I'm done.. Attack me til the cows come home. I dont care.

Mitch

 

[Mitchell]

One other point..

For those who think they know it all...

My father is a person who loves to talk a lot.. who loves to spout off what a bitch my mom was.. and how terrible I was.. but..

When I asked him some years ago.. who knows about my past tax problems.. his reply was "Mitch, no one knows", and he gave me a look saying something like dont tell anyone. He knows that my ex best friend knew, and a couple of other friends know.

If he was so comfortable.. he would have spouted off. "Mitch didnt file his taxes". Know why he didnt? Everyone knew that I had oil and gas. Most of my extended family had oil and gas, so everyone knows how complex the returns are to do. If they knew he failed to prepare my taxes, he would look terrible to all of them. Its not whats "legal", it s what is "moral". The only people that know/knew are/were his ex business partner, my mom, me, my dad, three close friends of mine, and my shrink at the time, period.

All this is in the past. My dad and I agreed that our relationship begins from the day I called him in Feb when my mom was diagnosed with the brain cancer. He did tell me that he plans to have one blowout conversation with me about his past hurts. Fine. I will listen, and control myself.

In a span of a few days on the week of April 4th, my mom died.., I buried her.. I met my dad's wife, saw cousins I hadnt spoken to in 25 years, and talked to my uncle for the first time in 25 years. That was a lot on my plate, but I did it, with grace.

I dont expect any of this to get me anything more than more attacks, but I wanted to post it anyway.

Mitch

 

[GQguy]

The TMF is a great place with members willing to help one another. If I posted a thread complaining about my job saying I need to lose ten lbs...how would the members respond? With suggestions to lose those 10lbs! Now if I said, "well they told me they were going to give me a waiver because i'm so tall and have a great BMI", or if I said "well i'm going to wait till my doctor gets back to me" or if I said "well, I might hire a personal trainer" or if I said "there are plenty of fat pilots, why are they singling me out" or if I said "If my girlfriend could cook I wouldn't eat out so much".....How would everyone look at me?


The theme of many of your threads:

You: A complaint or something negative but perfectly within yourcontrol

TMF: Well intentioned advice, great advice. Mediocre advice coming from numerous years of experience and spanning all demographics

You: Excuse as to why noneof the advice will work. Not even a try.

You: Change the subject to blame a family member, a friend.

TMF: A well intentioned member gives blunt advice.

You: Go off on them as being a troll

TMF: Member tries to get you back on target to solve the problem in the thread title

You: An excuse or blame.

TMF: Take accountability and do what it takes to move on.

You: "I should never have opened my self up to attack, this thread will go away soon and I won't post another one like it again"

TMF: *Sigh* oo0O (we're all thinking, he still doesn't get that he is responsible for his life. Not dad, not mom, not best friend, not driver, not aunts, not uncle....but Mitch!)

--------------------------------------------------

2 weeks later

Cycle repeats again.


If your dad didn't file your taxes for your you as an adult....(mind you the rest of the TMF has been filing their own taxes since they were removed from "dependent" status") Then file them now. This is taking accountability for your life. My dad used my name to open a line of credit for his business. Never paid the bill(likely forgot). I'm getting investigated for a clearance and they do a credit check....oops. Delinquent bill charged when I was in bootcamp. Do I a)whine about it, letting it stop me from getting my job or b)pay the damn bill and move on with my life. I chose a) 😱) I am happy I did. I took responsibility for my life....

Follow one piece of advice here....your life will be better for it. Our lives are ok....some better than others. We don't blame our problems on others, we work through them and do something about it. We chase after our happiness. That's what's so hard about this. Seeing someone complain about not being happy when he has all the resources many of us wish we had at his finger tips to do so, yet he consistently chooses inaction over inaction. Blame over accountability. Denial over realization.

I'm not saying you're a bad person.....You're very nice! But this attitude is toxic man.

GQ

 

[Mitchell]

GQ, its very easy for you to judge me when you're not standing in my shoes. I'm sorry to say.. but.. with the issue of the taxes, you're speaking from a position of ignorance. Are you an expert on oil and gas taxation? Do you know anything about those tax returns? Each return is about 100 pages long. and costs.. around 5000 a year to file. People who know better than anyone on this forum, lawyers.. told me that my father really put me in a spot when he didnt take care of it, as he did his friends and other relatives free of charge. That is all in the past. I've moved past that situation, but it is just a reality of my life, that impeded me.

I wouldnt call coldneck well meaning when he wishes me to end up in the street, or that my father and I will end up estranged again. That is a blatant attack, although not according to TMF rules.

I seriously dont know how this topic got started. The "topic" was marriage and relationships, and whether I wanted to have one, and sprialed into the usual bullshit from the usual suspects.

My whole life is going to change in a matter of a month or so, and I really should think long and hard about whether I want to stay here, and continue to deal with this bullshit.

I wouldnt care if I was posting this at a time in my life which was happy. I just lost my mom, less than three weeks ago, after being told a few months earlier that she was cancer free. I'm back dealing with relatives I havent dealt with in 25 years, and my whole life is going to change soon.

The crazy thing: The relatives who I've attacked in the past on this forum, have been mega supportive to me.

Every problem isnt easily solved.

I'm going to be gone for the day. I'm sure this thread will turn into a two week long, let's pile on Mitch thread.

I have some serious thinking to do, once I do move.

Mitch

 

[Mitchell]

One other thing:

While I'm not going to get into the details of his personal life on the forum, my dad had a serious family problem last night, unrelated to me, and called me, sounding just terrible. I confess that I was so worried about him and his wife, that I hardly slept the whole night. Know what? He was touched that I was so concerned about him, given what I've been through. He told me we will discuss the details of the problem he had when I see him. Bottom line: Everyone in my family has been so supportive about my mom, that its easy to, and my responsiblity to.. try and help them if they need it.


Well meaning.. and not.. I know the difference.

Mitch

 

[Leo tickles]

Judging from your recent postings, it seems as though you have taken a stance for the family that before you disliked. You are now forming a co dependent relationship with them as you can no longer have one with your mom.

Instead of picking yourself up and striving for something better, you are content saying "my family is there for me" every time a post doesn't go your way.

The harsh reality of the situation, Mitch, is that they will, one day, all die. And I'm not hoping or wishing they do, I'm just stating what is an absolute fact.

When that day comes, as you are, you will not be ready to stand on your own two feet. Stop playing good guy bad guy with your dad, stop relying on him to do this and that and this and that. Do it yourself. Its HARD. You keep saying hard. HARD IS NOT IMPOSSIBLE MITCH!

This year, I got my first tax form back from work. I don't know how to do taxes. Hell, when they gave me the envelope I thought it was a fucking prank. Guess what? I went online, researched, and filed my own taxes, albeit with my girlfriend by my side watching just to make sure I don't fuck up, and got a nice chunk of change back. It was hard, it was new, I was used to it being done for me, but I picked up and did it.

When my ex kicked me out a bunch of times, I knew I had to leave her. It was hard, I was alone, I came back home and contributed enough to be able to stay here, and to this day, sit here... and type this to you.

When my dad and grandfather died, I grieved, but I looked for things to make my life better... not just mindless distractions that did nothing but prolong the process of healing and development.

If a boy at 15 (the deaths) and 19-20 (kicked out situation) can cope and making something of it while dealing with mental and emotional issues, a 42 year old man can, too.

Your family will be there for you when the TMF isn't, but when they die, you'll be alone. And in that moment, you'll either shine or drown.

Build your life up so you can shine and prosper. I can't tell you that it's worth it, but I can tell you that it's better than all of this.

 

[Mitchell]

Leo. I know you are sincere, and I appreciate it.

To be clear.. once I get past this rough spot, I dont want to rely on my family. My dad has said he is going to come down here and help me pack, and he has contacts that can help me with a job. After that,. I want to help myself.

On the subject of girls.. I went to Delaware Park again today. At the crap table, I was talking to this very nice girl, Rachel, while we were shooting the dice. I know that what I said about wanting to be alone, was just a depressed, pissed off rant because I miss my mom. Trust me, I found myself wondering if Rachel was ticklish, had ever stood barefoot on a ladder, and thinking of her getting it from a tickling bandit. That shows I havent lost it. Once I get back to NY and get settled, I;m sure I will want to look for someone.

Mitch

 

[Leo tickles]

Fantasizing about a girl you meet is a very long way from being ready for a relationship or to provide in one.

 

[Mitchell]

Leo, I will get there, trust me. First I have to pack and get out of here, get to NY, get an apt, and get a job/business set up. I need to do things that make me feel good about myself, before I can be good for anyone else.

If all goes as planned, things should improve for me by the end of 2012. At that point, I can think about a relationship.

Mitch

 

[coldneck]

GQ, its very easy for you to judge me when you're not standing in my shoes.

This should be on your headstone. It's your knee-jerk response for those who don't agree with you or don't show enough unconditional sympathy.

I wouldnt call coldneck well meaning when he wishes me to end up in the street, or that my father and I will end up estranged again. That is a blatant attack, although not according to TMF rules.

That's not exactly what I wrote. I believe it was along the lines of "w/o support from your _______ (pick one: Mother, Father, Uncle, 4th cousin-in-law) you will be on the city streets".
I gave my take on where your relationship is headed w/o some serious changes on your part. I stand by that fully.

I seriously dont know how this topic got started. The "topic" was marriage and relationships, and whether I wanted to have one, and sprialed into the usual bullshit from the usual suspects.

You don't? Come on. Almost every thread you start ends up here: A Daddy Rant. Oh poor poor Mitch! Who will take care of me NOW? Honestly, it's stomach turning seeing an adult man behave like this.
You ask for advice, but instantly reject anything solid ; anything other than sympathy and a pat on the back for being a good boy.

 

[Wolf]

This should be on your headstone. It's your knee-jerk response for those who don't agree with you or don't show enough unconditional sympathy.



That's not exactly what I wrote. I believe it was along the lines of "w/o support from your _______ (pick one: Mother, Father, Uncle, 4th cousin-in-law) you will be on the city streets".
I gave my take on where your relationship is headed w/o some serious changes on your part. I stand by that fully.



You don't? Come on. Almost every thread you start ends up here: A Daddy Rant. Oh poor poor Mitch! Who will take care of me NOW? Honestly, it's stomach turning seeing an adult man behave like this.
You ask for advice, but instantly reject anything solid ; anything other than sympathy and a pat on the back for being a good boy.

Totally with ya there, bra! That's as lame as posting bromantic Maxim Magazine stories about one's bestest bud (not to put too fine a point on it, but his name rhymes with Shmeremy), and getting their panties in a wad when not everyone responds with a thumbs-up and an enthusiastic, "Cool story, bro!".

 

[Mitchell]

cold, how about.. its stomach turning to see an adult man.. (You) come to a tickling forum, solely to attack someone who has recently sustained a loss in his life.

Fact: You have never had ONE nice or supportive thing to say, EVER. When I posted the thread about my mom dying.. there wasnt even a "Gee Mitch, sorry she died, hope you get things together". GQ, even though I've disagreed with him, had been supportive about my situation with my mom.

I dont ever expect anything to change, unless I leave the forum. You will post your attacks, it will be called not an attack, left up, same old cycle.

I already admitted that this was an ill advised emotional thread posted on a night I was feeling down. Wow, cold, I'm a human being, my mom died three weeks ago, and I'm feeling it some.

I'm done. Say whatever you want. It doesnt affect me either way. I simply dont give a fuck anymore. No matter what you do to me, no consequences will happen to you. I'll be here until I move from Lancaster most likely, posting few if any personal threads. After that, I'll just have to see.

Mitch

 

[Mitchell]

Funny and ironic thing, and a message to that person/those who have attacked me in this thread.

My father, my uncle, and my internist, my three biggest critics in my life, about my emotional and physical appearance.. have all told me that they think I'm handling this situation with my mom's death remarkably well. I dealt with it all alone for two years, lived far away from family and friends, and now am living in the apartment that we lived in for thirteen years. I think they all thought that I'd be lying in bed in a catatonic state, with my head under the covers. Since she died, I work, I've seen and spoken to family I hadnt seen in 20 years, I met my father's wife, I'm readying my apartment for a move, seen my doctor, been to casinos, made a trip to NY, and will be making another one. I'm living life, as my mom would want me to. Do I have difficult spots, and have I cried? Sure. As is NORMAL for anyone who lost a parent they were close to.

As I said, no matter what I do, or no matter what I post, I will be attacked, it will be allowed and called not an attack. When I complained about things cold posted, I was told "It's not an attack., you just dont like what cold posted because you dont like him". What choice did I have? A, Accept it. B. Leave the forum. C. Post a Fuck you all thread to those who attacked me, and the mods, and get banned. I chose A.

As I said, I dont care anymore. I've survived far worse. This is nothing, compared to my mom's illness and death. Even if the attacks continue, which I'm sure they will, I will deal with it.

Mitch

 

[DontAskJusTckle]

@ Coldneck: I understand the frustration you're experiencing. But no matter how hard you try, Mitchell will never take advice from you. He'll always see you as an enemy.

You're a smart guy, so I wouldn't presume to tell you what to do. I just hate to see you banging your head against the wall.

PS: I dug the Jeremy story!

<hr />
@Mitchell: I harbor no ill will to you, but these needy threads of drama aren't helping you. This is not an attack. I'm sorry about your mom. I truly am. I know she was a great Mom for you, and I also know how it felt to lose my own Mom.

You're a smart guy, so I wouldn't presume to tell you what to do. My best and friendliest advice is to process your grief outside of this forum and spend time with family and friends. Change your signature, and start posting like everybody else. Until you move past Mom, I can all but guarantee you'll drive away any prospective ladder babes.

<hr />
@Wolf: "Bromantic Maxim Magazine stories??" And that pertains to this discussion...HOW???

You're a sma....

No, scratch that. Just stick to the topic, Pooch.

 

[Wolf]

@ Coldneck: I understand the frustration you're experiencing. But no matter how hard you try, Mitchell will never take advice from you. He'll always see you as an enemy.

You're a smart guy, so I wouldn't presume to tell you what to do. I just hate to see you banging your head against the wall.

PS: I dug the Jeremy story!

<hr />
@Mitchell: I harbor no ill will to you, but these needy threads of drama aren't helping you. This is not an attack. I'm sorry about your mom. I truly am. I know she was a great Mom for you, and I also know how it felt to lose my own Mom.

You're a smart guy, so I wouldn't presume to tell you what to do. My best and friendliest advice is to process your grief outside of this forum and spend time with family and friends. Change your signature, and start posting like everybody else. Until you move past Mom, I can all but guarantee you'll drive away any prospective ladder babes.

<hr />
@Wolf: "Bromantic Maxim Magazine stories??" And that pertains to this discussion...HOW???

You're a sma....

No, scratch that. Just stick to the topic, Pooch.

* SIGH *

Mitchell was looking for support.
Some of us didn't see the harm in giving it to him, and some people think it's kinda crappy to shit on someone who's grieving because it makes them feel better about themselves. It's not a surprise whose side you ended up on.

Howzabout you take your threadstalking and threadshitting back home to P&R?

 

[Mitchell]

"needy threads of drama". Sigh! That is really well meaning.

DAJT.,. you have also attacked me in the past. Let me ask you this.. how, exactly can I spend time with family and friends.. when.. all of the main people in my life.. live 150 miles away from here, and I cant see any of them until I move and get out of here.

If you didnt hold any ill will against me, DAJT, you wouldnt say "needy threads of drama", you might think.. "Hmm, Mitch had a bad night, maybe he's just feeling badly. I should either just leave him alone.. or say something that might truly be helpful.

As I said.. on and on, it doesnt matter. 10 page thread.. 20.. 30.. 40. It will just continue. Sometimes I really am my own worst enemy. I see that with this thread. I've come to the conclusion that even if I was myself diagnosed with cancer, I would never post it here. I'd be attacked by the usual suspects, and it would be called not an attack.

Mitch