Marriage.. Relationship.., No..

[Mitchell]

One more post, and then I;m done too..

What have I taken that I havent given back? I've communicated with my uncle, father, and his family. Tell you what.. maybe "meaningless" is the wrong word. Lets just say that I dont mean as much to them as I did to my mom.

As for my degree, until.. 2002, I couldnt do anything with it, because of my tax problems. Since then,. I had failed businesses, and wasnt motivated enough later on. Fair enough..

As to a girl.. I'm not looking to "lie". Is the history so important? Is it what I am at the time I meet her.. or in the future.. or is it.. what I was.,. now, or five years ago. Knowing my openness, I probably wont "lie". I'm just not sure what I would say, as I havent gotten there yet.

You want to believe I'm a lost cause. Thats your opinion. I dont know how things are going to be when I get back to NY. I'll have new opportunities, and try to maximize whatever I can. I'm hopeful that with hard work, and a few breaks, which I havent caught so far, my life will turn around.

Thats all, i'm done.

Mitch

 

[Mitchell]

One other point I want to make..

For all those who think they know so well: I just got off the phone with my father a little while ago. While he doesnt know about this particular thread.. he told me that he feels I am handling my mom's death "very well", and that he is "proud of me". He doesnt know I belong to a tickling forum, just a chatroom where you have to be 18 to be in, because we talk about sex. I told him that I've at times vented about family things, and he told me that is normal. I tell him I've cried, and he says he understands that.

My aunt (Mom's sister) does know about this forum, and she told me that I should not have posted this thread. I know that. She said that first off, a relationship should not even be in my mind now, due to the situation with my life, and that I divulged too much personally here.

Things will get better, but it will be a process.

Mitch

 

[GQguy]

Fast food joint? If I was starving, I'd have to. No offense to anyone on the forum who does work in one.. but. I have a bachelor's degree. I think I can do a little better than a fast food joint. I busted my ass at college for four and a half years, and wanted to go to grad school, to do better than that.


Mitch

I'm curious. What did you get your degree in? What degree did you get? How many years ago did you get it? What relevant skills do you have in that field?

GQ

 

[Mitchell]

To answer your question, GQ..

I have my BA in history. I graduated college in May, 1994, with the intent of going to law or graduate school. I could not go, because i could not get loans, due to my tax problems.

As for the "relavant skills" you talk about. In that field, none. In sales, several years. As I've posted before, I was in Amway type companies from 1996 to 1999, and again from 2001 to 2004, as an independent sales rep/distributor for the company. Since 2004, I;ve sold antiques, jewelry, and collectibles.

That answer all your questions?

Mitch

 

[GQguy]

Yup!

 

[Mitchell]

One thing I should make clear...

Forget "legal". How about "moral".. My father is a wealthy man, living in a mega expensive apartment, who travels the world. He has one son. He knew fuill well the complexities of the tax returns. I have letters from him.. "I will pay all of your education costs". He knew I was going to get an academic degree, and go to either law or psych school. He came to my college graduation, and never discussed my future with me. He also knew I couldn t get loans with my tax problems, and that my mom couldnt sign for me, because he had intentionally put the house into foreclosure.

Now,. hes the winner. My mom is dead.. he has the alimony check back, more money for him to travel the world, and Mitch has to do it his way, or else. Dont think he doesnt love every minute of that. His worst enemy. (My mom) suffered and died of brain cancer. His second worst enemy.. (Mitch). Sustained the biggest hit of his life, and now will be forced to do things his way, after he really put the hurt on my life.

They talk about damages for sexual harassment. How about damages to a life? In my mind.,. basically.. he should send me the amount of money that was my mom's alimony check, until I get established with a job/business. Months, a couple of years, and stay out of my life. After my mom was diagnosed with the brain cancer, she told me she was going to write him a letter telling him that, but I called him first.

Even though we were poor as church mice, holding our breath for the check from him every month, never went anywhere except a day outing, my life with my mom was so meaningful. We loved each other, had the most wonderful talks, about life, politics, relationships, etc. His interaction with me is one, or two, three minute calls a day.

My aunt thinks life will get better when I get back to NY. I;m not so sure. Right now I have no choice. This is the hand i was dealt. I have to play it. I'm hopeful of being able to get on my feet with something, so that I can establish a life, seperate from him, and then see what happens. Even if we arent "estranged", I'll never feel about him as I did about my mom.

Mitch

 

[GQguy]

Troll.

 

[Mitchell]

Sorry, didnt mean to be "trollish". Forgive the rant.

Sigh!
'
Mitch

 

[primetime]

Hey Mitch, I just felt compelled at this point to chime in. I have read all 6 pages of this thread, and there are times I am confused by you. Help me understand something.

Do you or do you not like your father? I read posts where you are blaming him for not helping you in your time of need (tax returns, mother's sickness, etc), then I read posts where you state he is "proud of you" and has been well meaning to you. He says you have been handling your mother's death very well. How do you feel about him saying that?

I have nothing against you. But Mitch, you HAVE GOT to take control of your life. Seriously, you really need to figure out what you're going to do, then DO IT. I know, you have said you will go back to NYC and look for a job, new apartment, possible relationship, etc. The thing is, you've been saying these types of things for years. You keep mentioning your father, but he hasn't been responsible for you for decades. Ok, he screwed you over and didn't do your taxes that particular year. It sucks. But goodness, how long ago was that? Did his not helping you way back then literally destroy your life all these years later? You are a grown man. He screwed you. What are you doing to help fix your situation, WITHOUT having to tell us forum folks why you despise your father so much? If he screwed you over last year, ok, fine, I can understand the bitterness. But from what I gather, he screwed you in the 90s. It's been a while, let it go. Why do you even bother talking to him now? Are you forgiving him or what.

Again, I am not trying to attack you. I am not telling you how to run your life. But you're wishy-washy. You have all the tools and faculties to help correct your situation in life. But you choose to feel sorry for yourself and look for others to feel sorry for you too. You can do that a few times on this forum. But, as most people will probably agree with, this is your standard behavior on the forum for YEARS. Coldneck, whether you like him or not, is trying to tell you bluntly to man up and get your life together instead of telling us your problems with no real solutions in mind. You said it yourself, you and your mother would get into arguments over what you wrote on a tickling forum. Why was she upset with you? For real, why on Earth would she be upset with you? Probably because you keep creating pity parties on a site and telling the world your personal business. I can understand you want support in your time of need, but Mitch, YEARS have gone by with you doing these types of threads.

In a nutshell, and I mean this with all sincerity. Man up, create an authentic plan, DO THE PLAN, and stop putting all of your personal business on this forum. Show us your strong side. The side that says, "I am a 42 year old man dammit and I can get this done!" attitude. I think that is what frustrates some people. They see you as a grown man that does not accept his own destiny and looks for reasons as to why his world is so upside down. Your mother's sickness? We get it. Her death greatly affects you? We get it. We don't have any issue with that. The issue is that your own personal life is in disarray and you seem to lack personal responsibility to FIX the situation.

Does this make any sense at all?

 

[Mitchell]

prime, trust me, after this thread, no more personal business will go here.

To answer your question: My father screwed me over both times, and all the time, in the 90s, and last year too.

The tax situation was from 1990 to 2002, as i've posted before.

The part more recently. He and I were talking at the time of my mom's diagnosis in 2010. He abruptly dropped out shortly after, and then wrote my mom a vicious letter while she was sick and undergoing treatment in summer 2011. He did take my call when I told him she had brain cancer this past Feb, and has been in my life since.

coldneck is not an example to me, for a couple of reasons. His posts are attacking, whether they are considered attacks or not. Also, he never said a word of good wishes, yet loves to jump on the bandwagon for an attack.

I'm going back to NY. I will continue to have my own apt, likely a combination of a job and a business.

Now my father says hes proud of me. There is no more problem for him. My mom is dead, no more alimony, I'm talking to his family. He wins the war.

I dont WANT to be estranged from him. I am trying very hard to have a relationship with him. Within 48 hours of my mom's funeral, I met his wife, went to a family party with cousins who I hadnt seen in 20 years, and communicated with my uncle, who i also hadnt talked to in 20 years.

I have just a short time until I get out of here, and then my whole life is going to change.

This marriage thread was ill advised, especially because its not even on the horizon yet. i said that, a thousand times.

My admitting I was wrong for posting threads, doesnt mean i'm going to condone a person, or people, who i feel were not well meaning.

Thats all.

Mitch

 

[Mitchell]

This was an ill advised thread for a couple of reasons. Not only because of how previous threads like this have turned out, but also because there is no girl in my life, or on the horizon, who is asking for a relationship or marriage.

That having been said.. it is unrealistic to think that I would be "over" or markedly better, about my mom's death, in three weeks. Additionally, coldneck's time frame for how long he thought it would take me to pack the apartment, was nothing more than another one of his judgements, that are not helpfui. He doesnt know the condition of the apartment, what things have to be sold, thrown, kept, etc. Not every situation is the same. Not to mention the fact that I have no family in Lancaster to help me. If my mom had died, and we were living in the NYC area, my father, aunts, friends, etc, could have come over, and helped me deal with it. As it is, except for when my father visits, once or twice, I have to do it all myself, a big apartment, with lots of clutter, furniture, etc, which I will have to condense, to fit into half the size place, or even less.

My mom used to get infuriated with me when I told her i would post threads like this. She said I often didnt learn from my mistakes.,

I know this thread will go on for another week or two,. With my life about to be markedly different, I really need to learn not to post threads like this, as they end up being very counterproductive for me.

Mitch

 

[P[a]pi]

About the original post. There is nothing wrong with deciding to be single the rest of your life. There's nothing wrong with wanting a relationship, but not wanting the stress and possible rejection while trying to get one, weighing the two out and choosing to be alone. The only thing wrong about it would be to complain about the decision you made, in your head to yourself or out loud to others.

Also, I'm sorry about your mom's passing.

 

[Mitchell]

Papi, thank you for your condolences about my mom, and for sticking to the topic of the original thread. That doesnt seem to be the general rule around here.

To respond to what you said.. I agree with you that it would be wrong to complain about the decision I would make to be single. That would be personal choice. Trust me, if I decide to remain single, I wouldnt complain about it to anyone. My father would never accept it though, without raking me over the coals. All of his cousins who are around my age, all of his friends children, are all married. Even if I was working at the job he wanted, seeing everyone in his family, making no waves, he would want me to meet someone, because it wouldnt look good that Mitch was single.

We'll see what happens. Warren Beatty didnt get married until he was 55. Hd had relationships, but he never married. Maybe my father will be gone by then, so I could have a peaceful relationship with someone, and I'd want to find a girl

For now, and the forseeable future,. I feel like I dont want it. As for any changes on that decision, it will remain to be seen.

Mitch

 

[Mitchell]

I dont expect this to mean anything to anyone.. but.. to put it into perspective.

In spite of my tax problems, I worked dilligently, for 15 years, to try and make my life better. I couldnt be on anyone's payroll in the mid 90s when I first graduated from college, because my tax problems werent ironed out until 2002. So.. somewhere, my mom saw opportunities to work at home. Selling.. informational tapes.. gold pieces, etc. "MLM". At the time, I didnt know such wasnt kosher, until a couple of years later.. when we got letters from the post office, we stopped. It turns out, when I was in Market America, I found out that many in there had tried MLM., All along, with both the MLM, and Market America, I had hoped to make enough money, to both iron out my tax problems, and make a decent living, so my mom and I could live better.

Then, when I moved to Lancaster, after doing antiques for a year.. I went to a business expo. There I met Butch. He was in Market America. It was direct and network marketing.. but it wasnt MLM. They had thousands of products in their "mall without walls". We were skeptical at first, but after hearing more, decided to join. There were partners in the company making hundreds of thousands of dollars a year.

We spent.. more than two and a half years, trying to make that company work. We placed ads, talked to thousands of people, contacted former business associates in the MLMS. People with some of the biggest downlines in the MLMS we were in, who could have made us.. at worst.. very comfortable, would not join. I remember one particular Saturday afternoon where we had sat in an all day seminar in Market America, and then went back to Butch's house a long meeting. During that day, which was about a 15 or more hour workday, we contacted Henry, who had been with us in the MLMS. We prodded, we tried to sell him. Both he, and us, knew a teacher in Texas, who was a very heavily connected networker. We couldnt get either Henry, or the teacher, to join. If even one of them had, we would have made huge sums of money,.

In 2004, I was forced to leave the company. Debt, I couldnt afford to sustain it. I wasnt making a living with it, etc.

Since, I've sold antiques/jewelry. I've made some money, but nothing near what I'd hoped.

All along, i always thought, what if mom dies? What happens then? Alimony ends, what happens to me. I asked her many times if she thought I should get a job. Her reply was always the same. She wanted me to have my own business, and not a menial job with no future. I didnt have a resume in the corporate world. I had no graduate education. She felt doing my own business would be more lucrative.

Then, she gets sick. We sit on the road, for many hours.. every week, 3 hours round trip, to go to NJ, to get her what we believed was the best treatment.. Later, we spent 3 months, and thousands of dollars, living at the hotel in NJ during the summer of 2011, to try and do this. Shes "cancer free" in October 2011. Three months later, in Feb 12, the cancer comes back as brain cancer. Two months after, April 4, 2012, shes dead. All the traveling, treatment and pain for her, effort, and money spent, doesnt extend her life any more than it would have if the Dr down here had treated her. He said 2 to 3 years. My internist said maybe her life was extended a little, but not much.

The old addage: "God helps those who help themselves". How did he help me, or my mom? I spent.. a decade.. busting my ass.. earning little money.. in businesses to try and make my future better, even from 1996 to 2000, when I still had tax problems. I sold products, antiques, jewelry. I went to undergrad school, worked my ass off under the worst circumstances, and couldnt get graduate loans, for reasons I've posted previously.

My father always likes to talk about the saying "At the end of the day". At the end of the day, Sheila dies, Alan gets the alimony check back. Alan can either dictate to Mitch how to live, or turn his back on Mitch, after committing crimes against me, whether people believe they were crimes or not.

Now, I have no choice but to suck it up, and make the best of it. I can be attacked from pillar to post. No one has to have sympathy for me., I dont care. coldneck can rake me over the coals from now until doomsday, predicting and wishing I will be estranged from my father again. Maybe he will be right. I dont know.

When my mom was alive, I had hope. We were working on plans for what I believe was/is a good business/product at the time she got her final illness. I've contacted lawyers about discussing patent/ trademark, and havent heard back. Chances are, that will have to be on the back burner. I'll go to NY, and have a job.

I will make the best of a bad situation. Bottom line, my father wins., He knows it, I know it. The only way he doesnt win, is one day, when he closes his eyes, and even then, he still wins.

I;m sorry if those who attacked me cant see why I'm upset/angry. Then again, they arent standing in my shoes. If they were, maybe they would understand.

Mitch

 

[GQguy]

Excuse the misspellings. Written on my iPhone on the drive to work.

I loathe MLM's. They are always trying to recruit me because of my numerous affiliations(fraternity, military, ROTC and just knowing alot of people). I can't take advantage of my friends knowing full well that even if I signed up half of my facebook friends ~700 people less than 10% would see any return on investment. Anytime a friend asks me to join I put them into one of two categories 1) too naive/ignorant to realize that they're taking advantage of their friendships or 2) know that they're taking advantage of their friendships but don't care.

My brother did the MLM ACN. He talks/talked alot like Mitch. Menial jobs are beneath him too! He did ACN 7 years ago just before my dad had his coma. When I felt my dad was doomed I joined the military and tried to get him to come. He didn't. 7 years later I've got a degree in electrical engineering and a degree in avionics, management experience as a staff sergeant and luitenant an now being put through pilot training. 7 years ago I was emptying out trash cans and cleaning out bathrooms. Just yesterday I offered tutoring assistant to two astronauts. There l's no such thing as a menial job to a man with potential. My brother has no degree still. Mom still makes him dinner. No job. 28 years old. Blames everything on everyone else. He is a loser. He's a leech too.

As for relationships, women are very forgiving when it comes to a mans past. As long as the ugly past doesn't reflect on the future. My gf's sister is married to a wall street broker that is a felon. Went to jail for 3 years. White pride tattoos across his chest. But he got out of jail and worked those menial jobs and made something of himself. Took responsibility for his life. If a man can't take responsibility for his life how can she trust him? Women want a man she can follow. A man that can take care of her and taker responsibility for her. Not a man that has a father that controls his life. Even if you did find a girl she'd say the same things we are saying till she realizes there's no point.

Zero work experience in two decades and a degree in history. Your degree is worthless. You couldn't even get into grad school if you tried. Zero work experience and you expect more than a menial job at 42? As a manager i'd pick the 21 year old with the same set of skills over you because I know I wouldn't have to deal with. I'd hire an ambitious 42 year old any day who would do ANYTHING to get the job done though. The 22 year olds graduating with history majors now will be serving coffee at Starbucks for the next few years until they either go back to school and major in something practical or they get a teaching cert(back to school) or they start at the bottom at a menial job. Air force and Navy wouldn't take into OTS a history major now, but the marines and army would. This is the worst time to look for a job. People with skills, experience and relevant degrees can't even find jobs.starting at the bottom is a reality most of us faced in our early 20's you'll face that now.

As for your mom, no one gets over the loss of their mother.....period. No one. No one expects you to get over it in 3 weeks. But in the real world, the world where the rest of the TMF lives we'd be back at work now, paying our own rent, feeding ourselves and taking care of those around us....not constantly the other way around.

 

[rhiannon]

Mitch, I admit I only read your first post, but let me give you this one advice: stop worrying and planning and breaking your head over all this crap and just start living! Things will fall into place eventually.

Just do what you feel like, you are grown up and you do not have to justify yourself to anybody!

 

[Mitchell]

GQ, excuse me, but your post sounds like a know it all, negative, attacking post, for this reason..

"I couldnt get into grad school if I tried". How do you know this? Are you suddenly a grad admission officer? I have good grades, and letters of recommendation.

"Taking care of those around us". WHO didnt I take care of? I was with my mom until the minute she took her last breath! I was there, every minute, of every day, for two years, ALL ALONE, WITH NO HELP FROM ANY OF MY FAMILY, OR MY REAL LIFE FRIENDS. . As I said before, I put no feather in my cap for this. She was the best mother, and deserved every minute of my love and attention during her horrible illness that claimed her life.

"My degree is worthless". You're an employer, a grad school, a recruiter, you know everything.

More and more, this situation is really pissing me off. Tell you what, I';ll go flip burgers at Burger King. Will that make you happy? Even my father said, when he talked about a "job". "I'm not saying you should go flip burgers. A job, I dont know what".

"Zero work experience in the real world". I keep telling you, for twelve years, I couldnt be on anyone's payroll. I couldnt prepare taxes because oli and gas returns are connecting returns, one year goes into the next, and into the next. It cant be seperated as one year at a time to file it .

If a vanilla girl met me, and saw some of the posts, she would probably tell me one thing. Leave.

You know, coldneck knows, all the mavens know, how my life is going to be in 3 months, 6 months, 9 months , a year. I dont even know! I get back to NY, I;m offered a job. I'd take it. What I'd hope, is that maybe.,. it would be a training position in sales.. to allow me to have potential with it. I can get letters from my former partners in Market America. I left the company on good terms.

I already said, this thread was ill advised.

Fuck it. I';m not going to bother arguing anymore. My plan now is to be out of here, on the day I move back to New York. No dramatic fuck you all posts, just gone, period. I'm starting a new chapter in my life, and want to leave things like this behind. Guaranteed, if I go back to NY, I have a job/business, etc, and if I stayed with the forum, and three months later posted.. "I met a nice new girl at my job, or a club, she loves to go barefoot, and is very ticklish", coldneck would post.. "She's crazy to be with you, and I predict she will leave you", and it wouldnt be a "Golden Rule Violation", and would be left up, but if I told him to go to hell if he did that, i'd be banned.

Even my family, with all their flaws, hasnt talked the way people have in this thread.

Whatever, I dont care anymore.

Mitch

 

[Mitchell]

rhiannon, thanks. I appreciate it. Thats what I plan to do. Right now I'm in limbo until I move from Lancaster. Once I'm back in NY, things will fall into place.

Mitch

 

[Mitchell]

One other thing to those who think they know it all.

While my father has been emotionally supportive to me now, he is the most direct and blunt person I know, and will not hesitate to tell me something if he thinks it.

coldneck posted his "opinion". (Uninformed considering he's never seen my apartment, or the amount of things I have to sort through, etc) of how it "Shouldnt take me long to get out of here, and how I'm "dragging my feet". Today I asked my father what he thinks a realistic time table would be for me to get out of here, between the packing, ,moving, securing an apartment, etc. He told me that while he would want me out of here ASAP, for my frame of mind, so as not to have to live in a place I did for 13 years with my mom, he also knows I have a lot to pack/sort. His timetable would be late May to early June, either before Memorial Day, or right after. He said he knows he wants to come down, help me sort, etc, before deciding what things to sell, and where (Liikely in NY). We can sell them. June 1 is exactly what I was thinking on my own. I dont want to be here any longer than that, living here without my mom is excruciating. I want to have new surroundings, difficult as it may be.

If I had said.. "I'n going to hang in here for a year, do no cleaning/packing/not work, etc", then I could see an attack thread. EVERYONE, from my father, to other family, and friends, think its not realistic to think that I'd be over my mom's death in three weeks, and my father tells me how well I'm doing.

With some people, it doesnt matter how it is. They just have to "attack", under the guides of "harsh advice". This is true for certain posters in this thread.,

Another week.. more. This thread will go on, and on, and on, merely because I posted an ill advised thing, shortly after my mom died. The attack/judging posts in this thread, are to me, far more damaging then the thread title itself, and its initial post.

Mitch

 

[GQguy]

The only reason I made those statements which I still stand by is because of your elitist attitude towards certain jobs, jobs that people do swallowing their pride in the process to support themselves. Those guys have my respect, grown men that feel its better to live off of an aging parent working past retirement age will not get that same respect(my brother is in this boat). I give even more respect to those that are even more educated than you or I but swallow the pill and do "menial" jobs to take care of their responsibilities.

Grad School admissions take into account recency of exposure to course materials and experience in the work force. After ten years one's classes loose validity but experience in the field can make up for that. I majored in electrical engineering. I'd be crazy to think I could get an engineering job or MSEE when I retire in 15 years without relevant work experience or taking upper level classes again. If you can show me a job listing requiring a BA in history hiring I'll eat my words. Back in the 90's there were two lines for employment...one for degree holders and one for non degree holders. Now the line for degree holders has shrunk to just medical, proffesional and some technical. Everything else is up for grabs. No one says anymore "I don't care what degree you have as long as you have one" with no experience. If you do, prove me wrong and I'll eat my words.

Nothing wrong with flipping burgers. I respect burger flippers. I'll have a beer with a burger flipper anyday. We both work hard to support ourselves and others. If worse came to worse I'd do it to support myself and hold my head high that I earned an honest wage. And if I'm as great as I think I am I won't be flipping burgers too long because my skills could be put to better use.

Burger flippers(used as a metaphor for unskilled) labor drives our economy. Can one imagine where'd we'd be if we all thought our parents owed us something as adults or were too good for a employment. Man we'd be in trouble.

 

[Leo tickles]

The only reason I made those statements which I still stand by is because of your elitist attitude towards certain jobs, jobs that people do swallowing their pride in the process to support themselves. Those guys have my respect, grown men that feel its better to live off of an aging parent working past retirement age will not get that same respect(my brother is in this boat). I give even more respect to those that are even more educated than you or I but swallow the pill and do "menial" jobs to take care of their responsibilities.

Grad School admissions take into account recency of exposure to course materials and experience in the work force. After ten years one's classes loose validity but experience in the field can make up for that. I majored in electrical engineering. I'd be crazy to think I could get an engineering job or MSEE when I retire in 15 years without relevant work experience or taking upper level classes again. If you can show me a job listing requiring a BA in history hiring I'll eat my words. Back in the 90's there were two lines for employment...one for degree holders and one for non degree holders. Now the line for degree holders has shrunk to just medical, proffesional and some technical. Everything else is up for grabs. No one says anymore "I don't care what degree you have as long as you have one" with no experience. If you do, prove me wrong and I'll eat my words.

Nothing wrong with flipping burgers. I respect burger flippers. I'll have a beer with a burger flipper anyday. We both work hard to support ourselves and others. If worse came to worse I'd do it to support myself and hold my head high that I earned an honest wage. And if I'm as great as I think I am I won't be flipping burgers too long because my skills could be put to better use.

Burger flippers(used as a metaphor for unskilled) labor drives our economy. Can one imagine where'd we'd be if we all thought our parents owed us something as adults or were too good for a employment. Man we'd be in trouble.

I'm not pulling a Mitchell by posting when I said I wouldn't. This isn't to him, its to GQ about the quoted post.

Exactly! I deliver pizza to support myself. Why? I never got a degree in school. My girl friend, she is an LPN. A licensed practicing nurse. Well, if we move in together, obviously it bothers me that she may make more than me. I have resolved this issue by embracing my decision about quitting school, and making the best out of it. Now, I make anywhere from 10-20 dollars an hour, on top of 6 dollars per hour. Last night in about 4 hours, I ended up making 100 dollars, 56 of which went directly in my pocket, the other obviously going to my pay check.

My point is... "menial" job is a.... crappy term. If you have nothing, no job is menial. I made an honest living, and now I can go spend it on whatever I want. When calculated, with what I make now, I could be in a small apartment by myself if I wanted to be. I could also move in with somebody and split the bill. If my goal in life is to move out and have a happy life by myself, and I can achieve that with a "pizza flipping" job.... it's not fucking menial.

 

[GQguy]

I'm not pulling a Mitchell by posting when I said I wouldn't. This isn't to him, its to GQ about the quoted post.

Exactly! I deliver pizza to support myself. Why? I never got a degree in school. My girl friend, she is an LPN. A licensed practicing nurse. Well, if we move in together, obviously it bothers me that she may make more than me. I have resolved this issue by embracing my decision about quitting school, and making the best out of it. Now, I make anywhere from 10-20 dollars an hour, on top of 6 dollars per hour. Last night in about 4 hours, I ended up making 100 dollars, 56 of which went directly in my pocket, the other obviously going to my pay check.

My point is... "menial" job is a.... crappy term. If you have nothing, no job is menial. I made an honest living, and now I can go spend it on whatever I want. When calculated, with what I make now, I could be in a small apartment by myself if I wanted to be. I could also move in with somebody and split the bill. If my goal in life is to move out and have a happy life by myself, and I can achieve that with a "pizza flipping" job.... it's not fucking menial.

I've followed your post too man. I'm impressed by what you've done man. Keep it up! Your girl might make more money than you (40% of households have this) but as long as you work you'll always have her respect. She knows that if $hit hits the fan you will be the provider. That's our role as men whether we like it or not. Keep that same attitude up bro and you'll move up the chain. Guaranteed.

GQ

GQ

 

[Leo tickles]

I've followed your post too man. I'm impressed by what you've done man. Keep it up! Your girl might make more money than you (40% of households have this) but as long as you work you'll always have her respect. She knows that if $hit hits the fan you will be the provider. That's our role as men whether we like it or not. Keep that same attitude up bro and you'll move up the chain. Guaranteed.

GQ

GQ

Thanks. A number of people have been telling me that as of late. With work, desire and dedication anybody can do it. I was just in a place far away from this a few years ago. Gotta keep it rolling and see how much more I can do.

 

[rhiannon]

She knows that if $hit hits the fan you will be the provider. That's our role as men whether we like it or not.

Seriously, GQ, it doesn't really belong in this thread, but where the hell did you get that from!? Women nowadays usually can provide for themselves and don't need a guy to do it for them!

 

[GQguy]

Seriously, GQ, it doesn't really belong in this thread, but where the hell did you get that from!? Women nowadays usually can provide for themselves and don't need a guy to do it for them!

Rhiannon. Really. It completely belongs in this thread. Marriage, relationships....a man is not ready for marriage or a relationship if he cannot take care of himself. What woman would date a grown man or even marry a man still supported by his parents. If she gets pregnant, what then? I bet she'd wished she had dated a man that could provide. What if she's marries such a man and they divorce. Imagine a woman paying alimony to a guy. Again I'm sure she wished she married a man that could provide. How about quality of life for their children. Will their kids have more opportunities or less than their parents did...again this boils down to a man's ability to provide. What if $hit does hit the fan. Who will take care of the family? Thank God women get maternity leave by law, but there was a time not too long ago where there was a HUGE financial burden a woman had to bear when having children. Till this day if a woman works a blue collar job at an hourly wage(no pun intended) she'd miss weeks of work. No good for the majority of women that live check to check. Toss in a father that can't provideand she's not only stressed about having another mouth to feed but how to make up the lost work with a newborn. If only she married/dated a guy that was able to provide....

Here's a bet. Lets create a match.com profile with a guy gainfully employed and one where the guy admits that his parents support him. Who is more likely to find a date? Perform the same experiment on the reverse where the girl has identical profiles with one stating that she's employed and one stating that she is supported by her parents. Which one would get more hits? I'm willing to bet that no one will contact the unemployed guy living off of his parents but a nearly even number of guys will contact the girl. Being a provider or at least being perceived as having the ability to provide is one of the biggest factors effecting whether a guy gets into a long term relationship or not.

I'm not saying women need guys to provide for them...I'm friends with all sorts of independent, intelligent women....but women DO need guys to provide for the family. One could even go as far as to say that a man that cannot provide for himself or for a future family has no business dating. No? Why would a parent get pissed that their 16 year old is sexually active? Aside from religious reservations the reality is his actions could result in a family that he is not ready to take care of. Once he gets his first real job....who cares, he can take care of a child now. Men that don't pay child support go to jail.....why? Because they could not/did not provide. When was the last time you heard a woman go to jail for that offense.

When women stop having babies, and men are nolonger allowed to support women....a man's ability to provide will nolonger hold as much importance. But as long as women want families and the freedom to be attentive mothers, we will always be judged on our ability to provide. Every animal does it. This is nature.

A woman paying alimony to a guy......pretty funny! I bet his future dates would love that one!!


If a guy said he was ready for marriage and was still supported by his parents....what would be the most important thing to fix first to put him on track to meet that goal Rhiannon?


GQ