Being On An Even Keel If Things Go Great,. Or Terrible..

[GQguy]

Speaking for myself, I do not 'hate' Mitch. I see him for what he is unto himself. And while my opinion about his personal matters are irrelevant, I do see a fellow soul just trying to find his way, as best he is able, with what he has to work with... like all of us, he is flawed. And if perfection were sold in a bottle, I'd buy a case of it for everyone here.

Truest words in this thread.

 

[kis123]

Speaking for myself, I do not 'hate' Mitch. I see him for what he is unto himself. And while my opinion about his personal matters are irrelevant, I do see a fellow soul just trying to find his way, as best he is able, with what he has to work with... like all of us, he is flawed. And if perfection were sold in a bottle, I'd buy a case of it for everyone here.

I do not hate Mitch; I hate the fact that he's given up before he's even started and I don't tolerate excuse making and pity parties. Mitch needs to strengthen his spine and rise to the occasion (honestly that should've happened twenty years ago, but some bloom later in life). I have nothing against him at all and it takes a special person to incite hatred from me. All that come remotely close to anger or hatred are on my ignore list because I have absolutely no interest in what they have to say.

Coldneck, at the end of the day, if you didn't care (to some extent), you wouldn't still be in this thread.😀

 

[Mitchell]

GQ, once youre agreeing with cold, I cant listen to anything you have to say.

'cold with his brutal truth will wake me up" (Your words)

Reality.. cold is.. DOWNRIGHT VICIOUS.

Did he EVER express sympathy, condolence, or decency, when my mom was sick with brain cancer, and dying? NEVER, NOT ONCE. Let's say he had said something like "Mitch, sorry your mom died, if you need to vent, vent to me.

His posts are all PATTERN OF BEHAVIOR. They arent "Brutal truth" as you say, and it is allowed because as I said before, the mods have different rules for Mitch than they do for everyone else.

I also dont think any of you are in a position to judge me. You didnt deal with your mother's death all alone, and lose.,. your mom.. and your relationship with your best friend of 30 years, all in one year.

As I said before.. cold's pattern of behavior is exactly what I defined. It is Mitch's personal attack dog/troll, and it is allowed.

None of you are standing in my shoes. Let';s say I was suffering from depression. Oh, horrors?

What is it that I want.. one thing..

SOMEONE to say to HIM STOP IT ALREADY. He's made his point. I';ve admitted that I was wrong for posting this thread. I've apologized here, and in the blog., NO ONE has said "Okay, he gets it, lay off of him".



I'm nearly banned because of ladders, but this is allowed to go on? Makes a lot of sense.

kis, I just saw your post.

I know you dont hate me. Such is why you were very kind when my mom died. I appreciate that.

I absolutely disagree with you about cold. Hes still in this thread because he knows he can continue to attack.

Tell you what, Leo, no matter what you say henceforth, I';m going to take your off iggy,. The only person I will keep on ignore is cold. I'm going to see what happens when I do that.

Done.. Anyone but cold taken off ignore. (I have Brighteyes on ignore too, since before this).

No matter what any of you say, I wont put you on ignore. I will not say the same for cold, until he changes his pattern of behavior to show me something that is even remotely civil or decent.

kis, I'm not being supported by my father except for the apt. I pay for my day to day living expenses.

The only reason I havent incorporated my biz yet is because the atty has been tied up. My dad knows this.

Jobs? I've looked, and with my work history, there havent been any. I'm going to keep looking.

I have no doubt that even if I post nothing personal on this site, and then 30, 60, 90, 180 days from now I post "Have incorporated my biz, XYZ, we are selling this product. Have a part time job, and am seeing a girl."

cold's reply would be the following:

"Wait until she sees that you lived off mommy and daddy until your 40s. You will fuck it up, and in no time she will leave you".

Based on his pattern, I have no doubt this would happen, just like I predicted that pressure from my ex best friend's mom, would one day get to him, and end our friendship. Patterns of behavior cause things like this,

 

[kis123]

As soon as you stop with the complaining, you can heal. If not you're going to remain stuck on the hamster wheel and no one's giving you sympathy this time. You have to learn to move forward at some time. Being an only child and your mother's caregiver for so many years has you stuck. Your mother has moved on to the next phase of her life (insert your diety here _______) but you haven't moved on with yours.

Getting angry with any of us (including coldneck) is a waste of productive time and energy. Use that to find work, start your business, meet a woman......whatever. Just stop doing this because it's not helping you at all. If he was as vicious as you describe he should've been on your ignore list a long time ago. Instead you continue to reply to him, then want the rest of us to scold him for you. That's not gonna' happen.....at least not with me.

 

[TMF Jeff]

Mitch, there's a lesson you should take from the fact that you can't figure out why people here are reacting this way, and people in your outside life aren't treating you the way you want to be treated, and it's not that the entire world except you is unpredictable and wrong.

There's something wrong with YOUR perception of what the world should be and is, and there's something wrong with the way YOU are dealing with people. And until you look that simple fact straight in the face and commit to doing something about it, you will continue to be frustrated, unhappy, and confused.

 

[TMF Jeff]

And by the way, nobody gives a fuck who you put on ignore. You sound like someone who really needs to grow up when you threaten to ignore people and announce who is and isn't on ignore.

 

[Mitchell]

kis, I see what you're saying.

Jeff, I see your point. I shouldnt have announced who I was putting on ignore publicly. I was wrong, and I'm sorry. I just wonder why someone hasnt told coldneck to grow up, as you say, with his constant personal attacks on the same person.

 

[BrightEyes1082]

One of my friends just posted this on Facebook, and I think it's perfectly
relevant here:

"If you are depressed and ask for help, wonderful. If you are depressed and ask for help, ignore it and turn it into an emo factory.. Stop wasting everyone's time. I hate when I reach out to people that cry on public forums and then get ignored. You don't need help, you need an audience. Go sell crazy somewhere else, we are all stocked up here."

*Edit: I'm pretty sure when she says "get ignored," she means the crazy person is ignoring the advice
they were given. Not that they were put on ignore. Nobody gives any fucks about that. 🙂

 

[kis123]

Mitch, there's a lesson you should take from the fact that you can't figure out why people here are reacting this way, and people in your outside life aren't treating you the way you want to be treated, and it's not that the entire world except you is unpredictable and wrong.

There's something wrong with YOUR perception of what the world should be and is, and there's something wrong with the way YOU are dealing with people. And until you look that simple fact straight in the face and commit to doing something about it, you will continue to be frustrated, unhappy, and confused.

BINGO!!!!!

Now, that just about every regular poster has commented and even the Chief Mod has spoken, can we all just move along???

 

[Mitchell]

Yes.

Tell you what, even if I post nothing more in this thread.. how long do you think it stays on the first page?

While I see Jeff;s point.. I dont entirely agree with him. While I know I have my responsibility in things.. he makes it sound like the entire estrangement from my father, and the situation with my ex best friend, etc, are all my fault. Even if I had my part in it, it isnt all 100% Mitch.

I'm done. I'm getting tired of this thread. I will bet it stays on the first page for another week, even if I say not a word more.

 

[TMF Jeff]

While I see Jeff;s point.. I dont entirely agree with him. While I know I have my responsibility in things.. he makes it sound like the entire estrangement from my father, and the situation with my ex best friend, etc, are all my fault. Even if I had my part in it, it isnt all 100% Mitch.

I'm done. I'm getting tired of this thread. I will bet it stays on the first page for another week, even if I say not a word more.

I'm not saying it's 100% you, and I doubt anyone else is either. My father always says 49/51, meaning even when you're right you're probably only 51% right. And when someone else is wrong, they're probably only 51% wrong.

Everytime something happens that throws you off kilter or upsets you, you should say to yourself "Even if I'm right, I'm probably 51% right, which means 49% wrong. So what could I have done differently that might have changed the way this happened?"

Another thing you might start doing is saying what you mean, and meaning what you say. That's, in my opinion, one of the core virtues of a man. Personally, I don't think you should quit a thread you started. But if you're going to do it, then do it. Saying it sounds like pouting, and when you say it and then don't follow through, it makes it absolutely clear that it was pouting.

Start treating yourself like someone serious, in how you think and conduct yourself, and people will notice it and start taking you seriously.

But right now, as much as I sincerely would like to help you and see you do better, it is impossible to take you seriously.

 

[BrightEyes1082]

 

[Mitchell]

Jeff, thank you for clarifying that. You actually sound like what my dad says, and it is not a criticism. His saying is (When referring to his and my situation). Theres Mitch's side, Alan's side, and the truth is somewhere inbetween.

I havent quit the thread. I'm still here, right? No matter how upset I get.. I havent quit the forum, even when I've threatened to.. why? I've been here too long, and I feel to do so would be turning my back on people who were supportive to me when my mom was ill and died.

When I say quit the thread, I was saying it to try and make it go away. kis has a point. The more I reply, the more gas gets thrown on the fire, the longer it lasts. this has gone on 3 weeks already. 10 times worse than the previous worst one, the letter about my father, which only went on a week.

Not that I want to share too much personal info, but Im on the cusp of starting a business. I dont want to post details yet. My dad has also told me something. He told me he thinks I'm far too sensitive when it comes to criticism. He says that he is many times burned in effogy in the work world, and if he let everything get to him, he would have collapsed long ago.

Honestly, from looking at this thread.. and trying to gauge the replies objectively.. I think everyone, even if harsh, meant well except coldneck. In my view, his replies to me have historically been downright not well meaning, and vicious. I've been told they arent in violation of yours and Myriads rules. I accept it, have no choice to, but I dont agree.

I'm not going to make any melodramatic "Goodbye" posts. I did that once, and stayed, so I looked like an idiot. I'm going to see this through.,

I'm also going to take kis advice and hopefully try to calm this thread down. Hopefully at some point it will go away, and a lesson will have been learned by me.

 

[voided9]

... He told me he thinks I'm far too sensitive when it comes to criticism....

It happens. Criticism can be tough but if you take it with an open mind, it can be very helpful.

Honestly, from looking at this thread.. and trying to gauge the replies objectively.. I think everyone, even if harsh, meant well except coldneck.

I truly believe even the harshest criticism in this thread, was still said with good intentions. It may not have always come across that way but I really think that the majority here was just trying to help you.

I'm also going to take kis advice and hopefully try to calm this thread down. Hopefully at some point it will go away, and a lesson will have been learned by me.

That's a good idea. Hopefully in the future you'll be more prepared for the kinds of criticism you'll see when you post personal threads, and be able to either take it or ignore it - this is a big community with a lot of different personalities, lots of varying opinions. It can be good for getting advice, but you'll always hear some you won't want to hear - as long as you're okay with that, you'll be fine =] I really hope your business and relationships work out and I enjoy that you keep us posted, whether here in General Discussion or in your blogs.

 

[Mitchell]

Brandi, thank you., I stand by my assertion that I dont hold anything against anyone except coldneck, until he shows me something, or says something, other than he thinks i'm going to end up estranged from my dad, homeless, and destitute.

Thanks for the good wishes about my business.

Not to get personal again, and i'm sure I will say things about it in my blog.. but.. as everyone knows, April 4th is fast approaching, and I'm not looking forward to it. Every horrible monent of April 3 and 4 2012 is going through my mind, from the time they called me to the home, the last hrs spent with my mom, her passing away, my walking ouit of there, and entering my apt with her gone for the first time,. My aunt personally thinks I'm way off base, because she says we miss mom every day, and wont miss her anymore on April 4, 2013 than any other day. I know shes right.

Hopefully this will calm down soon.

 

[voided9]

Brandi, thank you., I stand by my assertion that I dont hold anything against anyone except coldneck, until he shows me something, or says something, other than he thinks i'm going to end up estranged from my dad, homeless, and destitute.

Thanks for the good wishes about my business.

Not to get personal again, and i'm sure I will say things about it in my blog.. but.. as everyone knows, April 4th is fast approaching, and I'm not looking forward to it. Every horrible monent of April 3 and 4 2012 is going through my mind, from the time they called me to the home, the last hrs spent with my mom, her passing away, my walking ouit of there, and entering my apt with her gone for the first time,. My aunt personally thinks I'm way off base, because she says we miss mom every day, and wont miss her anymore on April 4, 2013 than any other day. I know shes right.

Hopefully this will calm down soon.

I understand how you feel, as you already know. You were one of the first people I talked to when I signed up and it honestly felt nice to have someone understand. March 22nd is when my father passed and everything about it - from the phone call, to getting home and seeing his body carried out, to the hospital, to the funeral, to the burial - it's all still a fresh wound. It does get better with time, for sure, but it never fully goes away. Well-wishes and prayers for you when that day comes - it helps to prepare yourself a bit. Each year it will sting a little less.

 

[Mitchell]

Thanks for your thoughts. I understand about your dad. Hopefully what you said will be true. Right now I just have to get through Year one of it, even if my aunt doesnt see the significance of missing mom April 4th any more than any other day. Then again, she wasnt there when my mom died, so she doesnt know the full impact it had on me.

 

[voided9]

Thanks for your thoughts. I understand about your dad. Hopefully what you said will be true. Right now I just have to get through Year one of it, even if my aunt doesnt see the significance of missing mom April 4th any more than any other day. Then again, she wasnt there when my mom died, so she doesnt know the full impact it had on me.

It is different when you were there, it truly is. I have PTSD from the day he died, simple things trigger harsh reactions from me, and I wake up from nightmares about seeing him in the hospital - crying my eyes out, sometimes screaming. I can't stand the smell of fresh flowers, once I smell them, I am instantly in tears and shaking, because my mind goes right to the funeral. Two nights ago, I cried so hard my nose started bleeding.

It DOES get easier, but everyone grieves differently - it's an uphill struggle sometimes, but you take it day by day and know that your loved one would not want you to suffer. Try your hardest to keep moving forward, cry when you need to, and talk about the good times - but don't dwell on your loss. Be grateful for the time you did have with them, and go out and make yourself happy - you know that's what they would have wanted.

 

[Mitchell]

I'm very sorry about your PTSD.

Whenever a loved one in the family dies, my dad always says to me "Cherish the memories". He's right, and I try to, but for some insane reason at times all that comes to my mind is the last 24 hours of my mom's life. My mom used to say "It only matters what happens in the final analysis". Does it matter she was "Cancer Free" in Oct 2011? The bottom line is that she died less than 6 months later.

For me, looking at pictures of my mom causes me to lose it. There is one pic of her, my dad and me just before my HS Grad. I was not a good student until college, thin, and gawky to boot. She's looking at me like "The king has graduated". She took such pride in being a parent.

I have reason to believe that by the anniversary of my mom's death, things will be better,. but I'm not going to post the details now, or maybe at all, except in a blog. I've probably been in a depression for a year, but if I can accomplish what I hope to, it will definitely be getting on the right track.

 

[voided9]

Good attitude to have. Photos and memories will be bittersweet - but don't push them away. Feel what you have to feel, and it'll be okay. It'll just take some time.

 

[Mitchell]

Thanks.

 

[coldneck]

I do not hate Mitch; I hate the fact that he's given up before he's even started and I don't tolerate excuse making and pity parties. Mitch needs to strengthen his spine and rise to the occasion (honestly that should've happened twenty years ago, but some bloom later in life). I have nothing against him at all and it takes a special person to incite hatred from me. All that come remotely close to anger or hatred are on my ignore list because I have absolutely no interest in what they have to say.

Coldneck, at the end of the day, if you didn't care (to some extent), you wouldn't still be in this thread.😀

KIS, you are correct. I care enough to comment, but I'm almost beyond really caring.


You, I and the rest of the TMF Forum in general, are asking Mitch to do something he's never done before: "Grow a Pair, and Man Up" to paraphrase Annie Hall's sentiments many pages ago.

This request will more than likely NEVER HAPPEN.
As much as we would like it to, and concurrent advice given, it's just not.

The reality of it all is this: "We are what we are".

I'm really tired of beating this dead horse, aka Mitchell.

He'll never change. And to think we CAN change him is equally ridiculous.

I welcome the forum's collective thoughts/opinions on this matter.

 

[Mitchell]

cold, I was reading your profile a bit earlier, and I'd say.. 50 to 75% of your posts are swipes in some way against me.. from.. as far back as more than a year ago.

If you "cared", as you say you do, you wouldnt post your list of vicious predictions that you did in this thread.

Let me ask you, since you are such a fucking genius.. How in fact could I "grow a pair, and man up" What exactly do I have to do in your estimation to do this?

You should also be intelligent enough to REALIZE that this situation is not going to change from day to day.

As I said before.. kis.. GQ, Leo.. etc. All of them, while frustrated now.. have a history of also being kind and supportive when I needed it. You have never been. Case in point.. You never once posted a word of condolence.. or kindness... while my mom was sick and died. The threads about her final illness and death were on the first page of the board for weeks on end, as dozens of others posted supportive messages. There was never even a "Gee, sorry you lost your mother", as there was from the others. Yet, any time an inflammatory thread was there, you jumped right in the middle of it. ACTIONS.

I wonder what your reaction would be on the day I incorporate my business, not that I'm going to post it here.

Your claims of "caring"are not believable, because your history with me shows anything but.

Also, I was told not to keep posting in this thread, to allow it to go to the 2nd page, and let it go already. When you made your last post, it was almost on the 2nd page. You just HAD to take your latest swipe to bring it back to the first topic again. You just cant let it go. Youre the one whose "beating a dead horse", with your constant potshots.

 

[coldneck]

GQ, once youre agreeing with cold, I cant listen to anything you have to say.

I also dont think any of you are in a position to judge me. You didnt deal with your mother's death all alone, and lose.,. your mom.. and your relationship with your best friend of 30 years, all in one year.

Good Fucking God!
Put down the knife, Norman Bates!
If you had a normal relationship, instead of a weird co-dependent psycho live-with-mom-until-lshe-dies kind of thing, we wouldn't even be discussing this.

 

[Mitchell]

Go read my last post.

Cold's last post, I'm quoting him:

"Put Down The Knife, Norman Bates"

"If I had a normal relationship, instead of a weird co dependent, live with mom until she dies".

You have now sank to a new low, as you are now taking potshots at my dead mother, by calling her "weird, and co dependant". You are" normal". Your purpose is to be nothing but a potshot taker on a tickling forum.

You have absolutely no fucking idea what our relationship was. May you be brutally punished by a greater force than any of us, for taking a swipe at someone I loved so much, who isnt here to defend herself.

This thread has simply gone into the sewer.

Troll: One who has the sole purpose of doing nothing but post inflammatory messages. This describes your posting history with me perfectly.