Chuck Norris

[Avenger314]

When you divide any number by itself, you get Chuck Norris.

If Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it's not because Chuck Norris is gay. It's because he's already slept with all the women.

Chuck Norris' calendar goes from March 31st to April 2nd. There is no April First because nobody fools Chuck Norris.

When Chuck Norris' daughter lost her virginity, Chuck found it and put it back.

God can create a rock so big, he can't lift it--but Chuck Norris can!

Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.

 

[unit5610]

There's a lady who's sure
All that glitters is gold
And she's buying the Stairway to Heaven
from Chuck Norris

 

[Mufasa]

Yankee fans asked Pedro "Who's Your Daddy???"

He calmly answered "Why, Chuck Norris of course."

 

[Mufasa]

every time Chuck Norris blinks, an angel gets his wings.

 

[Tamia78]

*sigh* I love you guys.........

Chuck Norris isn't lactose intolerant.........he just doesn't put up with lactose's sh*t!

 

[Mufasa]

When the Jets were desperate for a quarterback, they called up Chuck Norris.

unfortunatly, during a team practice, he took out the entire team while running the ball in for a touchdown. they never played the same again. they went 4-12 on the year.

 

[nytoetapper]

Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink...

 

[nytoetapper]

There is a label on the heel of Chuck Norris' right boot that states "If you can read this, you are about to be roundhouse kicked in the face. Kiss your teeth goodbye."

 

[nytoetapper]

Once, when he was camping and sleeping on a bearskin rug (the bear was still alive and knew better than to move), a porcupine brushed up against Chuck Norris' beard. Veterinarians worked for three days to remove the beard hairs from the porcupine's quills.

 

[Tamia78]

Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding.

 

[natural tickler]

damn, this thread is still going???

I'm surprised Chuck hasn't spin-kicked all of you yet 😀

 

[Tamia78]

damn, this thread is still going???

I'm surprised Chuck hasn't spin-kicked all of you yet 😀

spin kick? *rolling eyes*

It's ROUNDHOUSE Kick, thank you very much!

 

[natural tickler]

I heard that Chuck kidnapped Tamia and took her to his Texas ranch, and tickled her until she became a Sooner fan 😛

 

[Avenger314]

Chuck Norris doesn't need to ask before PC'ing in the chatroom.

There are five elements: Earth, water, fire, air, and Chuck Norris.

When you multiply Chuck Norris by zero, you don't get zero... you get Chuck Norris.

 

[nytoetapper]

Chuck Norris can find Waldo, whenever he wants to.

 

[nytoetapper]

Chuck Norris knows how many licks it takes to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop.

 

[Tamia78]

Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.

 

[Avenger314]

It takes a thousand monkeys with typewriters infinity to type out the entire works of Shakespeare. However, it takes Chuck Norris one monkey, a typewriter, and a roundhouse kick.

Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.

Chuck Norris found out who let the dawgs out and beat him up. And the dogs.

Chuck Norris is not ticklish. Anyone who tries to tickle Chuck Norris laughs instead.

Most people spend their entire lives searching for enlightenment. Chuck Norris found it in ten minutes and then moved on to search for twinkies.

Chuck Norris knows what women want. A roundhouse kick to the face.

Chuck Norris will protect me for making that last joke.

Chuck Norris can't get AIDS. Chuck Norris needs no aid. He goes solo.

When Chuck Norris masturbates, it's not because he can't get a girl. It's because girls can't get Chuck Norris.

Speaking of, Chuck Norris doesn't go blind when he masturbates.

The correct pronunciation of the word 'nuclear' is 'Chuck Norris.'

Chuck Norris' middle name is Chuck Norris.

When Chuck Norris plays himself at chess, both sides win. Chuck Norris NEVER LOSES.

 

[Tamia78]

Chuck Norris once had a heart attack; his heart lost.

 

[Avenger314]

Chuck Norris can find the other side of a Bosium strip.

Chuck Norris doesn't believe in magic. Magic believes in Chuck Norris.

The Perfect Storm isn't perfect unless Chuck Norris is involved.

"Veni, Vidi, Vici" is a Latin phrase that means "I came, I saw, I got roundhouse kicked in the face by Chuck Norris."

There are four elements: Earth, fire, air, water, and Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is already pre-approved for every credit card.

Chuck Norris doesn't need cologne. He just rubs the sweat from his underarms onto his forehead and collar--and the girls go wild!

Jules Verne's hero can go around the world in eighty days. Chuck Norris can do it in 20 minutes with 3 cups of regular coffee.

Chuck Norris taught your girlfriend that thing you like.

Chuck Norris can count to infinity in 2-and-a-half hours.

If Chuck norris tells you a joke, laugh twice. Once because every joke he tells is funny. And a second time because he'll roundhouse kick you in the face if you don't.

Atlas holds the Earth on his shoulders. Chuck Norris can spin it on the tip of his index finger like a basketball.

At Absolute Zero, -273 celsius, all matter ceases to move. But Chuck Norris can still kick a$$.

 

[Tamia78]

The Jihadists are pissed because they can no longer tell their recruits to expect 73 virgins in heaven. The best they can do now is 73 women who have already had sex with Chuck Norris.

 

[nytoetapper]

While he was in the service, the Air Force tried to develop the ultimate airborne weapon, th Chuck Norris F-16. Chuck would be strapped to the nose of the jet and stare at targets below till they burst into flames and exploded. In addition, any incoming threats, such as anti aircraft fire or missles could be roundhouse kicked back to their points of origin. However, this weapon was quickly banned by the Geneva convention.

 

[chrisheaven]

ok.Norris.you're chucked!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[nytoetapper]

Chuck Norris rhymes with orange.

 

[Tamia78]

A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.