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Chuck Norris

Some say Chuck Norris doesn't have a mother, because she was molested by Bigfoot and Chuck was their mutant offspring
 
Chuck Norris isnt in a bad mood because its raining, its raining because Chuck Norris is in a bad mood
 
Chuck Norris once hit a HR off a 98 mph fastball against Billy Wagner with one swift roundhouse kick.
 
Hey Im back from holiday, and of course this was the first thread to post on.

A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.

Chuck Norris found out about Conan O'Brien's lever that shows clips from "Walker: Texas Ranger" and is working on a way to make it show clips of Norris having sex with Conan's wife.

One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was the fact that Hitler did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact tea-bagged to death by Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

In "Way of the Dragon", Bruce Lee pulls out Chuck Norris's chest hair by the roots. Bruce Lee is dead.
 
Chuck Norris likes to knit sweaters in his free time. And by "knit", I mean "kick", and by "sweaters", I mean "babies".

Chuck Norris does not have your normal human-style, male nipples. He has a Dodge Ram hood ornament on each pec, and both rams blow smoke out of their noses each and every time he pumps Christy Brinkley.

Chuck Norris is the only one ever in history to stare Medusa straight
in the eyes and not be turned to stone.

Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.

Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Indian.
 
If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.

Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green ..4 card from the game UNO.

Chuck Norris is the only man that can get another man pregnant.

Mike Tyson once bit Chuck Norris' ear, Chuck Norris then ate Mike Tyson's children.

Chuck Norris Also Played The Black Guy in Walker Texas Ranger.
 
According to the bible, God created the world in 7 days. He was only able to do that because Chuck Norris showed him how.

Anybody who wins a sporting event sin't because they were better than their opponent. It's because Chuck Norris said that's who will win.
 
Chuck Norris says, "Nothin' says lovin' like a good roundhouse kick to the jaw."
 
There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.
 
Starting today, the phrase "act of God" will be replaced with the more accurate "because Chuck Norris said so".
 
Near the end of World War II, Chuck Norris was drinking in a bar in Hiroshima when someone accidentally spilled a drop of beer on one of his cowboy boots. Moments later, everything within several miles was instantly vaporized.
 
The dinosaurs didn't die out. Chuck Norris hunted down every one and killed them.
 
The only thing Mr. T, Vin Diesel and Chuck Norris can agree on is that Tom Cruise is a ******.

Chuck Norris doesn't brush his teeth. He points his fist at his mouth and the plaque jumps out.


Welcome back, Tickleterror! *hugs*
 
Aw thanks hon, i'm glad to be back although i did love my holiday, and this is the thread i really missed the most.

Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.
 
Chuck Norris was originally offered the role as Frodo in Lord of the Rings. He declined because, "Only a pussy would need three movies to destroy a piece of jewelery."
 
An anagram for Walker Texas Ranger is KARATE WRANGLER SEX. I don't know what that is, but it sounds AWESOME.
 
Chuck Norris was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.
 
It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him. Pirates never were very smart.
 
Yep....THIS is my new fave.....hehehe

Rosa Parks refused to get out of her seat because she was saving it for Chuck Norris.
 
The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
 
I have GOT to find out where this man is!!! Yay!

There are no weapons of Mass Destruction in Iraq. Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.
 
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