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Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris never loses a game of Clue despite the fact everyone knows he's the murderer and used his foot to do it
 
I can't believe I only recently got into this thread. This is awesome!! Even though my Norris-isms suck...lol

The song is correct: Don't fear the reaper. Fear Chuck Norris.
 
A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.


*Waves "Hi" to Slackster* Good to see you on here *big hugs*
 
Chuck Norris' sidekick on Walker Texas Ranger isn't black, he's bruised.
:bouncybou :bouncybou :bouncybou :bouncybou :bouncybou
 
Demolition companies save time and money by asking Chuck Norris to kick the buildings down.

Remember: only Chuck Norris can prevent forest fires.
 
Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.
 
In a tagteam match, Chuck Norris was teamed with Hulk Hogan against King Kong Bundy and Andre The Giant. He pinned all 3 at the same time.
 
Inspired by the movie Alien vs. Predator, Chuck Norris has begun work on a screen play tentatively titled, "Alien, Predator, Frankenstein, Wolfman, The Mummy, and a Whole Shitload of Vampires vs. Chuck Norris."
 
Chuck Norris was once the F.B.I's chief negotiator. His job involved calling up criminals and saying, "This is Chuck Norris."
 
Chuck Norris starts everyday with a protein shake made from Carnation Instant Breakfast, one dozen eggs, pure Colombian cocaine, and rattlesnake venom.
 
Chuck Norris is like corn. No matter how much shit he is in, he still comes out in one piece.
 
Before Chuck Norris was born, the martial arts weapons with two pieces of wood connected by a chain were called NunBarrys. No one ever did find out what happened to Barry.
 
A duck's quack does not echo. Chuck Norris is solely responsible for this phenomenon. When asked why he will simply stare at you, grimly until you explode.
 
If you try video taping Chuck Norris without his permission you will very quickly be filming the inside of your own ass.
 
ADD is not a disease. It's just impossible to focus when you know that Chuck Norris could strike at any moment.
 
Chuck Norris is so bad, he takes a baseball bat into the bathroom with him incase he craps out a wildcat and has to beat it to death.
 
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