Chuck Norris

[tickleterror]

Chuck Norris house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.

 

[Tamia78]

Chuck Norris never loses a game of Clue despite the fact everyone knows he's the murderer and used his foot to do it

 

[slacker2114]

I can't believe I only recently got into this thread. This is awesome!! Even though my Norris-isms suck...lol

The song is correct: Don't fear the reaper. Fear Chuck Norris.

 

[tickleterror]

Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa that smile.

 

[Tamia78]

A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.


*Waves "Hi" to Slackster* Good to see you on here *big hugs*

 

[tickleterror]

Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.

 

[Tamia78]

Chuck Norris' sidekick on Walker Texas Ranger isn't black, he's bruised.

 

[tickleterror]

Chuck Norris' blood type is AK, Ass-Kicking.

 

[slacker2114]

Demolition companies save time and money by asking Chuck Norris to kick the buildings down.

Remember: only Chuck Norris can prevent forest fires.

 

[tickleterror]

Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.

 

[Tamia78]

Geico saved 15% by switching to Chuck Norris.

 

[tickleterror]

In a tagteam match, Chuck Norris was teamed with Hulk Hogan against King Kong Bundy and Andre The Giant. He pinned all 3 at the same time.

 

[Tamia78]

Inspired by the movie Alien vs. Predator, Chuck Norris has begun work on a screen play tentatively titled, "Alien, Predator, Frankenstein, Wolfman, The Mummy, and a Whole Shitload of Vampires vs. Chuck Norris."

 

[tickleterror]

Chuck Norris doesn't see dead people. He makes them.

 

[Tamia78]

Chuck Norris was once the F.B.I's chief negotiator. His job involved calling up criminals and saying, "This is Chuck Norris."

 

[tickleterror]

Chuck Norris starts everyday with a protein shake made from Carnation Instant Breakfast, one dozen eggs, pure Colombian cocaine, and rattlesnake venom.

 

[Tamia78]

Chuck Norris is like corn. No matter how much shit he is in, he still comes out in one piece.

 

[tickleterror]

Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.

 

[Tamia78]

Before Chuck Norris was born, the martial arts weapons with two pieces of wood connected by a chain were called NunBarrys. No one ever did find out what happened to Barry.

 

[tickleterror]

A duck's quack does not echo. Chuck Norris is solely responsible for this phenomenon. When asked why he will simply stare at you, grimly until you explode.

 

[Tamia78]

If you try video taping Chuck Norris without his permission you will very quickly be filming the inside of your own ass.

 

[tickleterror]

Chuck Norris doesn't need to swallow when eating food.

 

[Tamia78]

ADD is not a disease. It's just impossible to focus when you know that Chuck Norris could strike at any moment.

 

[tickleterror]

Ironically, Chuck Norris' hidden talent is invisibility.

 

[Tamia78]

Chuck Norris is so bad, he takes a baseball bat into the bathroom with him incase he craps out a wildcat and has to beat it to death.