Chuck Norris

[Tamia78]

The most effective form of suicide known to man is to type “Chuck Norris” into Google and hit “I’m Feeling Lucky!”.

 

[tickleterror]

Chuck Norris makes onions cry.

 

[Tamia78]

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked Bruce Lee, breaking him in half. The result was Jet Li and Jackie Chan.

 

[tickleterror]

Chuck Norris once worked as a weatherman for the San Diego evening news. Every night he would make the same forecast: Partly cloudy with a 75% chance of Pain.

 

[natural tickler]

To get out of jury duty, Chuck Norris told the judge he had to take his sister to get circumcized

 

[Tamia78]

Chuck Norris was sending an email one day, when he realized that it would be faster to run.

 

[tickleterror]

Chuck Norris is responsible for China's over-population. He hosted a Karate tournament in Beijing and all women within 1,000 miles became pregnant instantly.

 

[Tamia78]

Chuck Norris doesn’t have normal white blood cells like you and I. His have a small black ring around them. This signifies that they are black belts in every form of martial arts and they roundhouse kick the crap out of viruses. That’s why Chuck Norris never gets ill

 

[natural tickler]

Chuck Norris is the one who taught Aquaman to use his telekinetic powers underwater

 

[Tamia78]

After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more “humane”.

 

[tickleterror]

Chuck Norris masturbates with a sledgehammer.

 

[Avenger314]

Chuck Norris can throw paper against scissors in rocks-paper-scissors and win.

When Chuck Norris got a cavity, the dentist broke 4 drills trying to penetrate Chuck's defenses.

Chuck Norris can beat Ted Kennedy in a drinking contest.

The only fight Chuck Norris ever lost was... wait, Chuck Norris NEVER LOST A FIGHT.

 

[slacker2114]

Superman's only true weakness is Chuck Norris.

 

[tickleterror]

Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green ..4 card from the game UNO.

 

[Tamia78]

OMG THAT WAS SOOO CUTE! I can't think of a Chuck-ism now....

 

[tickleterror]

lol why thank you.

Chuck Norris' left testicle is comprised entirely of beef jerky. Teriyaki style.

 

[tickleterror]

In his spare time, Chuck Norris solves Sudokus. Blind-folded.

 

[slacker2114]

Chuck Norris parted the Red Sea by glaring at it.

 

[tickleterror]

Adam and Eve never existed. What really happened, was that Chuck Norris sneezed and a human fetus emerged from his nose, this was the beginning of man.

 

[slacker2114]

No UFO ever crashed in Roswell, NM. One was trying to land and Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked it back into space.

 

[tickleterror]

When Chuck Norris played golf for money, chuck marked down a hole in 0 every time, a pro at the golf club, said to chuck, excuse me sir, but you cant score zero on a hole. Chuck Norris turned towards the man and said, im Chuck Norris, the man then proceeded to pour gas over his body and set himself on fire because that would be less painful than getting roundhouse kicked by Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him in the face anyways.

 

[slacker2114]

They now have a type of hot wing that's worse than the suicide wings: the Chuck Norris wings. When you order them, Chuck Norris personally comes out and force feeds you the wings and hot sauce, then roundhouse kicks you in the stomach.

 

[tickleterror]

Chuck Norris was once walking along the Sahara Desert when he decided he needed shelter from the sun. So he stared at the sand until it melted into 2-ton blocks. He then made his shelter that we now call the Great Pyramids.

 

[slacker2114]

Chuck Norris was the cause of the population explosion in China.

 

[tickleterror]

Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.