Chuck Norris

[tickleterror]

Chuck Norris invented water.

 

[Tamia78]

There is no Control button on Chuck Norris' computer because Chuck Norris is always in control.

 

[tickleterror]

Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalker's real father.

 

[Tamia78]

The Terminator once went back in time to kill Chuck Norris. He found only a note from Chuck reading "Bitch lips-- I have already traveled to the future and am currently beating your ass there, when I return I'll bring a piece of your metal ass back with me and beat you with that in the present."

 

[tickleterror]

Before science was invented it was once believed that autumn occurred when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked every tree in existence.

 

[Tamia78]

In response to his challenge, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked MC Hammer so hard that he went bankrupt. Chuch Norris then bellowed, "I can touch this," while he pelvic thrusted in Hammer's general direction.

 

[tickleterror]

Chuck Norris can make D-Generation X suck it.

 

[nytoetapper]

Chuck Norris flosses with razor wire and rinses with nitro glycerin...

 

[tickleterror]

8 out of the 10 stongest earthquakes on record were caused by a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick. Chuck felt bad for mother nature's inability to keep up, so he let her take credit for the last two.

 

[Avenger314]

Jesus walks on water and Moses parts the sea. But Chuck Norris can hold his breath for 2 weeks.

 

[tickleterror]

The force and volume of the typical Chuck Norris ejaculation has been observed to pierce the female uterus, kevlar body armor and Brawny paper towels.

 

[Tamia78]

Chuck Norris can make mute people scream.

 

[stampstock]

Chuck Norris had sex with his wife ONCE seventeen years ago, just once. She's STILL having kids from that one time.

 

[stampstock]

Chuck Norris' penis is so big, it sweeps the feet of whoever he roundhouse kicks. Usually, these victims die on impact, so they never notice. But they would be proud.

 

[Tamia78]

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

 

[tickleterror]

When some people try to show their strength they rip phone books in half. To show his strength, Chuck Norris rips those people in half.

 

[slacker2114]

When Chuck Norris gets those tough blood stains all over his clothes, he doesn't need to "Shout It Out". He just glares them out.

 

[Ticklerguy4u]

Chuck Norris likes to side kick high so he can let loose flatulence with the greatest of ease.

 

[slacker2114]

The #1 cause of death in the United States is Chuck Norris.

 

[Tamia78]

Chuck Norris has to use a stunt double when he does crying scenes.

 

[slacker2114]

Chuck Norris says: "Give a hoot. Don't pollute.....or I'll kick your fuckin' head off!"

 

[rajee]

Chuck Norris was born Irvin Norris, he hated Irvin so he roundhouse kicked his parents and named himself Chuck.

 

[Avenger314]

The earth's movement was caused by a roundhouse kick from Chuck.

The sun will last another 4.5 billion years. Chuck Norris is forever.

Chuck Norris doesn't have to let his legs to the lifting. He lifts with his back.

The popular 'chug' contest is actually a drunken mispronunciation of 'Chuck.'

Chuck Norris always wins at solitaire.

Chuck Norris can get Mimi to safeword in under 12 seconds.

Matter exists in six states: Chuck Norris, solid, liquid, gas, plasma, and Chuck Norris. He's at both ends of the spectrum becasue he's harder than solids and more explosive than plasma.

Supernovas are actually caused by stars losing a staring contest with Chuck Norris.

We're getting clobbered in Iraq because Rumsfeld forgot to get Chuck Norris' availability for the invasion. Roundhouse kicks are imminent. I hope.

Leaning Tower of Pisa? Roundhoused by Chuck Norris.

Ditto Jimmy Fallon's face.

 

[tickleterror]

When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.

 

[tickleterror]

Chuck Norris will roundhouse kick anyone who lets this thread die.