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Chuck Norris

When Chuck Norris has a bone to pick with somebody, he pulls out their skeleton.
 
in the 2008 USA presidential elections, chuck norris will win whether he runs for office or not
 
NASA has finally developed a realistic plan to prevent our destruction from asteroid or comet collision. They will send Chuck Norris up in a space shuttle and fire him directly at the object. Chuck will then either suggest that the body adjust its trajectory or he will destroy it with either a roundhouse kick or death stare.
 
In the original pilot for Star Trek Next Generation, Chuck Norris can be seen powering the USS Enterprise warp drive with his roundhouse kicks.
 
In a second grade spelling bee, Chuck Norris was given the word "roundhouse" to spell. Rather than speak, he demonstrated a roundhouse to the moderator's head. The judges awarded him first place.
 
Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.
 
the day chuck norris opened an ebay account, every ebay user in the world sent him money before he even listed a single item for sale
 
Chuck Norris invented the bolt-action rifle, liquor, sexual intercourse, and football-- in that order.
 
Many do not know these facts about Chuck Norris...

His main export is Cork.
His main language is "kick-ass"
His favorite food is "tenderized beef and side of mashed potatoes"
He enjoys relaxing in his hammock made of the skins of those who opposed him.
He likes acting in movies with Joe Piscopo

Rob
 
They created a game show based on some of Chuck Norris' lighter hobbies. This show is called Fear Factor.
 
There was a tree in Chuck Norris' backyard when he was growing up. It blocked his view of the sunset. Chuck stared at the tree till it moved 5 feet to the left out of his way. He was 7 years old at the time.
 
we now have a plan to destroy any incoming missiles from N. korea.....chuck norris will jump out of a plane upon their launch and catch them with his teeth, slap a "return to sender" label on them, and spit them back down at N. korea. take that kim jong ill! :jester:
 
Chuck Norris doesn't have normal white blood cells like you and I. His have a small black ring around them. This signifies that they are black belts in every form of martial arts and they roundhouse kick the shit out of viruses. That's why Chuck Norris never gets ill.
 
Chuck Norris' neighbor, an 80 year old widow, was locked of her house one day. Rather than kicking the door down and compromising the structural integrity of the building, Chuck picked the lock with a chest hair.
 
Chuck Norris knows What Willis Was Talking About. That is because Chuck Norris is What Willis Was Talking About.
 
Chuck Norris walked into a bar, it was a steel bar..............the bar cried.
 
Nietzche said God is dead. This did not fly well with Chuck Norris, who roundhouse kicked him, because he had to deal with two weeks of people sending condolence letters to his wife.
 
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