Marriage.. Relationship.., No..

[stroker]

Mitchell ,here's my two cents for what they are worth . You have a need to vent your feelings , most people do . you choose to do it through this forum . others, perhaps even those who attack you will do it in other ways, ranging from confession to a priest, confidant , lover etc. to getting blink drunk and ending up in the cells. What I think you should ask yourself is, are these posts helping you ? If so then carry on and the rest of us can think what we like and deal with it as we see fit . If not , ie if you come away from an exchange feeling worse, then for the sake of your own mental well being you need to find another outlet for your frustrations . I can't say what that should be but perhaps some form of counselling might be beneficial. Just a thought.

 

[primetime]

Mitch, I am qualified to judge your maturity because you tell everyone your personal life. This thread is not the first time you have ever posted anything going on in your life. Whether it was about your mom, your driver, your family, work, ladders, etc, whatever, you have let us in your life. This is why everyone is telling you to grow up and do stuff on your own.

42 years old. Mitch, seriously you need to take care of yourself. You need to let go of the past with your father. You keep harping over and over that he screwed you. Yes, we all agree he screwed you, but c'mon, it is time for you to man up and do stuff on your own. People tell you to start looking for a job now. You say "I'm not in New York yet..." You keep saying you will be there on June 1. That's about a month away. It is New York City. You and a jillion others will be looking for jobs too. Get STARTED NOW. By the time you get a resume together, hopefully get an interview, then get started, a month will fly by. If you decide to wait, then we will have a thread by you saying "I can't seem to find a job and now I have to ask my father to help me".

Mitch, c'mon man. Are you REALLY going to hold it against someone because he didn't say "sorry about your mom"? Coldneck has never claimed to be Mr. Sensitive anyways. But what is he trying to tell you? You are holding this rage against him and not paying attention to what he is trying to tell you. Which is, stop blaming others for your situation and get going yourself. Stop with the excuses and get things done. As for predicting the estrangement, did you even read my previous post to you? Go back and read it. It explains exactly why he predicted it. Everyone reading these threads know why he made that prediction. Deep down, YOU know why he made that prediction. It's only obvious.

Mitch, you really need to look into a mirror and ask yourself, "what the fuck happened to me? What do I need to do to get my life straightened out. I lost my dear mother, but I know she doesn't want me to sit around wallowing forever. I need to take control of my life. Screw my father. He's been nothing but negative towards me most of my life. I need to get busy and make a plan for myself WITHOUT having to rely on people I can't rely on, namely dear ol' dad. Before I get to New York, I need to figure out what type of job do I want. How will I make money? How will I get around? I need to do this now and not spend an inordinate amount of my time on a tickling forum talking about my life. Hell, my own dear mother used to get into arguments with me about posting my personal stuff on that forum. I will SHOW them! I am Mitchell and I will show them I know how to take care of myself! What will they say then? They can't attack me anymore!"

That my friend is what you should be doing....

Prime, I know your message is sincere, except for two things.

One, "Time for you to grow up". How are you qualified to judge my maturity? I post something at a time I'm upset?

Two, coldneck is rooting for me? Er.. not.. No, he didnt say he hopes I get a disease, but.. he also never said anything like "Gee, Mitch, sorry about your mom, go on with your life", NEVER did he say that. He just predicted an estrangement between my father and me again, when there is nothing to indicate that.

I know you are sincere, prime. We;ve always been civil to each other. I state my piece, you state yours. We can have a difference of opinion. That is what the world is for.

Mitch

 

[Mitchell]

stroker is right. The posts arent helping me, so I shouldnt make them anymore, and I wont.

okay, jin, you know how "grown up" Iam? You are.. the assessor of that?

prime, while I understand what youre saying.. you havent been in my shoes, so I dont think youre qualified to judge. As for job hunting in NY, getting there would be a problem now because its so far away. I'm not penniless if I didnt have a job for a couple of months in NY. When I'm on the scene, it will be easier.

I give up. I'm just going to let the thread die, in 2 weeks from now., By which time I will be 2 weeks closer to getting to NY.

Mitch

 

[Mitchell]

The initial topic of this thread was marriage and relationship, and has turned into a back and forth bad thing about Mitch's life. The only way to make sure that doesnt happen again, is not to post anything like this again.

Mitch

 

[BellybTickler]

Hmm.

<object width="560" height="315"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/CP6v4T3VT7I?version=3&hl=en_US&rel=0"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/CP6v4T3VT7I?version=3&hl=en_US&rel=0" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="560" height="315" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true"></embed></object>

 

[GQguy]

Mitch. Can you tell me in your own opinion why your threads always turn this way. What everyone here is trying to tell you(10+ members all saying the same thing)? And why you don't have any close friends in real life. Can you explain this?

Trust me. I'm going somewhere with this.

GQ

 

[Mitchell]

GQ, your information is wrong. I DO have two best friends in real life, but I just dont see them much now because I live here until June, and they live in NY/NJ. When I get back there, I will see them often. My ex best friend of 29 years lives in town, but as I posted previously, we stopped speaking in Nov 2010.

Mitch

 

[Mitchell]

I dont know why my threads turn out this way. Two things: I unwisely post personal info, and I assess that there are some well meaning people, and not well meaning ones.

Mitch

 

[Leo tickles]

In 8 hours since I've been at work I have seen good advice met with butthurtedness and bitter comments.

Mitch, God, if he's real, probably won't smite anybody for giving you good advice. Just saying.

Next, stop with the fucking movie trailer. I am leaving the forum... buuuut not now. When? I dunno, but I'll announce it now just in case. 2 posts down.... blah blah dad blah blah life lalala cold is wrong I'm the victim blah blah driver driver dad mom dying give me sympathy driver college pay for me lalala blah dad....... S T O P.

My dad beat me for a long time while my mom never really cared much and got hit herself. He's dead, she isn't. She owes me nothing. She made her choice, and I made mine. To help myself. When your dad fucked you, you made a choice to live with your mom forever until... uh oh.. she died. Now it's like "uh oh, I fucked up... daaaaddddyyy!!".. S T O P

Everybody deals with horrific events in their life time. Your mom dying is terrible now matter what your other circumstances are. But what you are doing now is being a whiny 40 something year old with nothing to show for it. Good job. You mentioned in this thread that Lancaster was where your dreams were going to come true. Sitting with your mom all day at home while failing businesses you have no business even trying because of your degree is not a good step to making anything come true. S T O P

Your life is going to continue to be as shitty if you don't fix it. Not posting here isn't going to do anything but make you bored, since this, TV, and your dad (sometimes, when you like him) are all that you have according to your posts. S T O P

I've put this as nicely as I could, mods can remove and PM me if need be, but I'm sick of sugar coating shit. This is STILL sugar coating shit. How many fucking people do you need to be there for you, before you are there for yourself? And the answer is... it doesn't matter, you'll keep playing victim until somebody throws you a bone.

I just took mine back.

 

[Mitchell]

Leo, you dont understand. The mods wont remove it.. Your post was not as "blunt" as cold's even though I dont agree.

If I had said I was staying in Lancaster, and continuing to work at home, your post would be valid. As it is, its not.. Am I staying here? Am I going to continue to do the same thing for work as I have been? No. I will pack, move to NY, get a new career started, and new friends.

I suspect in.. six months, my life will be very much different, for the better.

Mitch

 

[GQguy]

Good! You have two best friends. Awesome.

Ok. So you have been a member of this forum for 10 years. Do you understand where EVERYONE in this thread is coming from. We're all one collective voice. What are we saying to you Mitch? Can you tell us what the message is? Do you know why we're telling you this?

Again, i'm going somewhere with this...

 

[Leo tickles]

Leo, you dont understand. The mods wont remove it.. Your post was not as "blunt" as cold's even though I dont agree.

If I had said I was staying in Lancaster, and continuing to work at home, your post would be valid. As it is, its not.. Am I staying here? Am I going to continue to do the same thing for work as I have been? No. I will pack, move to NY, get a new career started, and new friends.

I suspect in.. six months, my life will be very much different, for the better.

Mitch

First, no, its you who doesn't get it. Man up, grow up, MAKE SOMETHING OF YOURSELF. That's more or less what every post in this thread to you says.

Second, no, it won't. You post that sentence in bold at random, with different time periods for when your life will supposedly improve. You do nothing, so it goes nowhere. Unless you do something, 6 months from now you'll be crying here... again.

 

[Mitchell]

GQ, if I understand you correctly, the message is,. take control, and dont complain about others.

Leo, I didnt put the sentence in bold.

I love the whole "Grow up" thing. I have been through things, that most other people havent. I did grow up, okay. In a span of 72 hours, my mom died, and I went back to, and interacted with, family members I hadnt seen in 25 years, okay?

Right now I have a far bigger problem than this thread. My cell phone died, and I dont know what the fuck is wrong with it. Im dead without it because I have no long distance service.

Sigh!

Mitch

 

[Leo tickles]

GQ, if I understand you correctly, the message is,. take control, and dont complain about others.

Leo, I didnt put the sentence in bold.

I love the whole "Grow up" thing. I have been through things, that most other people havent. I did grow up, okay. In a span of 72 hours, my mom died, and I went back to, and interacted with, family members I hadnt seen in 25 years, okay?

Right now I have a far bigger problem than this thread. My cell phone died, and I dont know what the fuck is wrong with it. Im dead without it because I have no long distance service.

Sigh!

Mitch

I never said YOU put it in bold, the one I put in bold.

Most people went through everything you have been through except for your mom dying by age 20...

And if your phone died, fucking charge it. 🙂

 

[Mitchell]

Right, Leo, most everyone went through what I did.

The phone is charged. It has all the bars. I dont know what the fuck is wrong with it.

Mitch

 

[GQguy]

GQ, if I understand you correctly, the message is,. take control, and dont complain about others.

Why are we saying this to you Mitch? What do you think we think would happen if you did take control of your life. Why are we saying not to complain about others? Why do we keep saying that independence is important? A more detailed response to these questions would be great.

 

[Mitchell]

GQ, I'm too tired to do it in more detail, both from arguing in this thread, and dealing with family on the phone all day.

Bottom line.,. to answer your question, you are saying if I did the things you said.. life would be more positive.

Mitch

 

[GQguy]

Answering these questions in your mind and here will end this thread. Trust me.

 

[Mitchell]

I want to make one general statement to GQ, Leo, and anyone else in this thread who truly meant well. '

I'm going to admit something about myself...

I dont take criticism well. For this reason.., A couple of reasons..

When I was younger.. as most people know, my father was very hard on me. He called it "toughlove"., My mom and a couple of shrinks called it abusive.

My mom, on the other hand.. perhaps.. was too lenient. I was never "bad", but.. more so that she didnt push me to do things.

My uncle has relayed this to me about his own son, who is in his mid 20s, and has serious problems. My uncle says he's hard on his son, while his wife is more lenient.

I react best, and always have.. to people who say things like "Go do well, Mitch. You're a good person, and go after what you want". Instead of.. "You suck. You have no motivation.. Its all your fault".

The fact is.. this was a stupid thread for me to post anyway. I;m not thinking about marriage, or relationships. I';m thinking about getting to NY, working, and getting my life on track.

To those who mean well, and care, but talked "tough",. Leo, GQ, etc. I;m sorry if I seemed unappreciative or crabby.

Without saying who I said it to..,I just pissed off someone who I have a lot of respect for, because I threatened to leave, when he didnt agree with me, about what I felt was an attack. To that person, and you know who you are, I'm sorry.

Bottom line: I'm not myself. I know I need to see someone. When I get to NY, I not only need to get a job, but also to see a shrink. My feeling is.. the only person in the world who loved me is gone.

I do know there are one or two posters who are not well meaning. To you I say, your predicition is not well meaning, and I have a strong feeling you are going to be very wrong about what is going to happen.

Turning my back on friends of 10 years who have supported me is not something I want to do.

I;m not leaving. This thread will go away, and next time, I really have to show restraint.

Hopefully that at least calms this down.

Mitch

 

[Leo tickles]

I want to make one general statement to GQ, Leo, and anyone else in this thread who truly meant well. '

I'm going to admit something about myself...

I dont take criticism well. For this reason.., A couple of reasons..

When I was younger.. as most people know, my father was very hard on me. He called it "toughlove"., My mom and a couple of shrinks called it abusive.

My mom, on the other hand.. perhaps.. was too lenient. I was never "bad", but.. more so that she didnt push me to do things.

My uncle has relayed this to me about his own son, who is in his mid 20s, and has serious problems. My uncle says he's hard on his son, while his wife is more lenient.

I react best, and always have.. to people who say things like "Go do well, Mitch. You're a good person, and go after what you want". Instead of.. "You suck. You have no motivation.. Its all your fault".

The fact is.. this was a stupid thread for me to post anyway. I;m not thinking about marriage, or relationships. I';m thinking about getting to NY, working, and getting my life on track.

To those who mean well, and care, but talked "tough",. Leo, GQ, etc. I;m sorry if I seemed unappreciative or crabby.

Without saying who I said it to..,I just pissed off someone who I have a lot of respect for, because I threatened to leave, when he didnt agree with me, about what I felt was an attack. To that person, and you know who you are, I'm sorry.

Bottom line: I'm not myself. I know I need to see someone. When I get to NY, I not only need to get a job, but also to see a shrink. My feeling is.. the only person in the world who loved me is gone.

I do know there are one or two posters who are not well meaning. To you I say, your predicition is not well meaning, and I have a strong feeling you are going to be very wrong about what is going to happen.

Turning my back on friends of 10 years who have supported me is not something I want to do.

I;m not leaving. This thread will go away, and next time, I really have to show restraint.

Hopefully that at least calms this down.

Mitch

Okay. And with that in mind, do you see the harm that it did? The harm that your mom did by now showing you enough tough love? There is a fine line between abuse and correction/support. My dad, as I said, hit me. Not light playful taps. The fucker kicked me in corners and tossed me into walls.... that's abuse. My mom tried what your mom did, and he hit her for that, too. But here is the thing.... if it wasn't for his "abuse", I'd be leeching off my mom, to this day, not doing shit for myself. Job? No. Girlfriend? No. Bills? No. Everything would be taken care of through a skill I picked up called manipulation. A skill I used for a long period of time to swim by in life, but there was always one thing missing. Self respect.

I gained that by being productive, by paying bills, fuck, by MAKING bills come up just to pay them. Now? I enjoy Xbox, cable TV for 130 dollars a month, a car, a job which I am (mostly) happy at. This from a high school drop out, to leech, to an overtly aggressive person who posted threads like yours, but without the intention of support. I just wanted to be proud of the damage I caused. Power came from that, it still can. BUT.

More power came when I realized that one thing that was missing. See, it's NOT about getting praise, or getting told you are doing well. When all of those things are true, you know it, you feel it.

What's the point of my story? I took abuse, I also took the side your mom gave you. And while there are better ways to treat somebody than punching them, it taught me a lot as I got older. What can you take from my story?

Sometimes what you consider abuse, isn't. Your dad and all of that when you were younger? I don't know. The people in this thread? That's not abuse. This is as factual as fact can be based off of YOUR words what NEEDS to happen to get you out of this slump. Don't listen to everybody in this thread and go through the motions. Feel it. Feel that you need a change. Understand that your life will NOT get better, repeat... WILL NOT GET BETTER... unless YOU do it. Not your dad, your friends, your news caster, YOU.

Getting support and leeching are two different things, bud. You are crossing the line of co-dependency and are heading straight for leeching. STOP IT NOW. It's not a good road to travel.

Work a menial job to pay for a shrink. Stop reporting to the forum every single fart that comes out of your ass, IE: stop posting EVERYTHING.

And most of all, if you dare to ask for advice, don't come back with "stop attacking me"... that is disrespecting and spitting on EVERYBODY who has tried to help you. Follow it or not is your choice, but to spit on somebody's words, WHICH RING TRUE IN MY OPINION.... that's downright disrespectful and pathetic.

Your mom didn't give you a kick in the ass and this is where it got you. Take one now from strangers, or you'll be stuck in a shitty life for the rest of it.

 

[Mitchell]

Leo. I agree with most of what you said, except one thing, and its not just because she died.

If you want to blame anyone for not doing what I should. Blame me, not my mom. I dont think it was so much her not giving me a kick in the ass, as it was my lack of motivation, etc.

For right now, I want to get this place packed up as fast as possible, so I can get to NY, and become productive, at whatever job/situation that is. I am going to start investigating/thinking about options for jobs in NY, but I will also discuss it with my father, to see if he has any ideas.

I have a feeling that very soon, life will get better.

Mitch

 

[TropicThunder]

Answering these questions in your mind and here will end this thread. Trust me.

Mitchell, please go back to this part.

 

[Mitchell]

I want everyone to think about this.. and maybe this will put it into perspective..

I knew my mom wasnt going to live forever. No parent does. Its natural for a child to bury their parent. I wouldnt even want to contemplate what would have happened had my mom buried me, with as much as she loved me.

When the divorce happened, my mom and I were pushed into a far different socio economic level than my father. My mom had no vacations, and struggled, with both money, and health issues, the last 22 plus years of her life, while my father and his women traveled the world.

Through it all, though, we were always there for each other. When we were kicked out of our beautiful home after the divorce, my mom said "Mitch, we are going to set up a home. Maybe we wont have as much money, but... we will live with love". I have to give her credit.. she managed the finances, and took care of everything, for over two decades.

Whether people think I did "the right thing" or not, I worked for many years at businesses to try and make our lives better. Why? I kept seeing at business presentations... "You work for 40 years at a job, and you end up penniless", your own business is the better way.

It didnt work, which was difficult in itself

Then, my mom gets sick.. I have no help from family in either dealing with Drs, or taking care of her. On more than one occasion, the Drs in NJ said "Who is taking care of you, Mitch?" No one. I did it all myself.

Then, after being declared "cancer free", after we spent thousands to receive treatment in NJ, my mom gets brain cancer three months later, and dies six weeks after that.

Now, my constant person, through moves, financial setback, tax attacks, battles and estrangements from my father, end of relationship with best friend of 30 years, all that, is gone.

With all that.. it isnt a bit understandable, why I'm in a bit of a tailspin, and will need time to come out of it, even if I dont post about it. Not to mention that I'm still living here amongst mom's things.,. and will be undergoing a major change in a short time.

These are the facts, even if I dont post about them.

I stand by my view that coldneck was cruel to predict an estrangement from my father after all this. That having been said, his post was termed not a violation, even though I dont agree.

That's all. This thread is getting tiring. I'm going to retire from it. Hopefully it will go away.

Mitch

 

[Mitchell]

One other point I want to make, and then I'm not going to post in this anymore.

My aunts, and my father, are furious at me about my reaction. They all said to me.. "She put so much effort into you. She would WANT you to be happy, have a partner, a business, kids, a life. The only way to honor her memory, is to go on with your life. If you collapse, it shits on her memory, and all the love she gave you".

I know this. I know that I have to pack this place up, go to NY, secure employment, and an apartment, and, as heartbroken as I am, go on.

I know I will.. What other choice do I have? Have a nervous breakdown, and waste my whole life? Even if I dont ever get married, I know I have to build something for myself.

Mitch

 

[GQguy]

Again Mitch.

1)Why do you think we keep stressing independance in every thread you start where you're complaining about your life?

2)If you did do what we've been suggesting you for the past 12 pages, how would that effect the original title of the thread, marriage and relationships?

A detailed response please! 12 pages of responses later can't be summed up in only a couple of words. I think if you show that you at least comprehend what we're saying there would be no need to continue. You've brought the horse to water. He knows it's there. He knows we know he needs the water and that it's good for him. The only thing left is for the horse to drink......something that can't be forced.