Ask C.A.B.

[Soda Bobinski]

Would you ever consider retitling this thread to Hail a C.A.B.?

 

[C.A.B.]

Would you ever consider retitling this thread to Hail a C.A.B.?

No. But I have considered re-titling it Post Here If You're An Aspiring Washed-up Catskill Comedian


*Gong

 

[C.A.B.]

The most venerable and mysterious C.A.B. will now receive your questionsssszzzz




*fires up a hookah​

.

 

[desdemona]

What is your favorite Christmas song?

 

[C.A.B.]

What is your favorite Christmas song?

O Holy Night

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[Bator]

Where in the nursery rhyme does it say that Humpty Dumpty is an egg?

 

[C.A.B.]

Where in the nursery rhyme does it say that Humpty Dumpty is an egg?

Because depicting the trauma of an acute cracked and spilling human cranial impact would have been less appetizing than a potential omelet for all the King's horses and all the King's men. Thus... he is an an anthropomorphic egg.

*Gong

 

[Bator]

Are you breaking the law if you drive past those road signs that say "Do Not Pass"?

 

[C.A.B.]

Are you breaking the law if you drive past those road signs that say "Do Not Pass"?

No. So long as you drive "past" them and not "pass" them. Its a letter of the law thing.


*Gong

 

[Bator]

If Jack helped you off a horse, would you help Jack off a horse?

 

[C.A.B.]

If Jack helped you off a horse, would you help Jack off a horse?

If I already off'd the horse with Jack's help, the horse would be in no condition to be jack'd off... but flogging would be another matter entirely.


* Gong

 

[Bator]

What came first, the fruit or the color orange.

 

[C.A.B.]

What came first, the fruit or the color orange.

Only the person that knows the words that rhyme with "Orange" and "Silver" would have the answer to that. Orange you glad to know that?


*Gong!

 

[Bator]

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why did they write a song about him?

 

[C.A.B.]

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why did they write a song about him?

Specifically, Jimmy doesn't care, as he is a slave and his overbearing 'Massah' lay in a ditch with a broken neck, thanks to a riding incident involving a blue-tail fly. Not his fault, bro. Shit happens.

*Gong

 

[Bator]

Why did Yankee Doodle name the feather in his hat Macaroni?

 

[C.A.B.]

Why did Yankee Doodle name the feather in his hat Macaroni?

Because British soldiers, who had originally sang the ditty to mock the disheveled American colonial army (ir)regulars, thought it was a laugh riot. They weren't referring to pasta, but rather, the 'Macaroni' was a popular wig among foppish gentry, thus foolish Yankee Doodle thinks the feather in his cap makes him all that and a bag of chips. But as the Lobster Backs came to painfully find out... never underestimate your opponent, spaghetti or no.

* Gong!

 

[Bator]

Can you spell the word "creativity"" however you want?

 

[C.A.B.]

Can you spell the word "creativity"" however you want?

Know ewe mei knot!

*Gong!

 

[Bator]

Why is the word for "a fear of long words", hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia, so long?

 

[General Zod]

How can we sleep while our beds are burning?

 

[C.A.B.]

Why is the word for "a fear of long words", hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia, so long?

Because "Eek!" would have been demonstratively ridiculous.

* Gong!

 

[C.A.B.]

How can we sleep while our beds are burning?

Stay at a hotel.

*Gong!

 

[General Zod]

If you don't eat yer meat,how can you have any pudding?

How can you have any pudding if you don't eat yer meat?

 

[C.A.B.]

If you don't eat yer meat,how can you have any pudding?

How can you have any pudding if you don't eat yer meat?

You cannot. Alas, all in all, it is just another brick in the wall.

*Gong!